Losing and Gaining Love

One major issue with the game is that, despite offering multiple choices throughout the experience, all of them ultimately lead to the same ending. This makes the decisions feel hollow and undermines the sense of player agency. When choices have no real impact on the outcome, it reduces the motivation to explore different paths or replay the game. It can also make the narrative feel less dynamic and more scripted, as the illusion of choice doesn't hold up. For example, when given the choice between what kind of flowers to purchase, I chose the tulips, but the storygame still read as though I had chosen roses, making my choice irrelevant and unnecessary. There were a few technical errors such as the wrong form of “its” and a few unnecessary comments throughout the storygame, but thankfully, nothing too distracting or horrid.

The characters have a clear role in the story, but they could use more development. Right now, they feel a bit flat. Adding more of a backstory, emotion, or internal conflict with each of them could have made them more relatable and memorable. A lot of great stuff was mentioned, but unfortunately, it wasn’t deepened.

There were also a lot of significant questions raised but too many of them were left unanswered, which created confusion and weakened the overall impact in my opinion. Without enough clarity or resolution, the story the author is trying to tell feels incomplete and hard to fully engage with. For example, at the flower shop, there is a message written along with the flowers. It seems to be impactful, yet the message is never disclosed. Also, the question was raised of the Mr. Harris’ relationship to/with Macy. If he was in love and presumably dating Hannah, how did he not know who her younger sister was? Surely Macy would have been brought up in conversation before Hannah’s passing, or Mr. Harris would have met her before. At the very least, Macy would have been at Hannah’s funeral with Mr. Harris, where he would have seen her before and known her name and looks.

The storygame shows potential but is held back by key issues I have previously mentioned. 4/8 for creativity and a great storygame topic though.

I've mostly stayed away from the romance section here, fearing either furry stories, perve fantasies, or boring kissy cuddle love stuff. But I'm finding a whole lot of loss and hurt, and I really dig it. And this story fits right into that. We start with a lonely man who coaches students at the school he teaches at dealing with the traumatic memories of the women he loved and lost. The memories that still haunt him. The fact that there are hints that he either self-harms or hurts himself in his sleep only add to the tragedy. I absolutely love it.

But the loss doesn't stop there.

The next thing I encountered was his childhood home, which he had actually purchased. As it is described in the story, it's a liminal space, an old coffin of memories, a reminder of the joy that USED to be there.

Speaking of coffins, we also get a scene where he visits the grave of his lost love—quite appropriate for a story about lingering grief. It's in this moment that we find out that Macy, the young girl he found in the school, is in fact the sister of his lost love. I thought that was interesting, but I'm not sure if I would have preferred more of a reaction. I mean, there was a reaction, but it wasn't quite as much as I would expect. But on the other hand, the author obviously wanted to leave the reveal about who she is until the grave stone scene, which is a suitable choice. So I can't fault it.

What I didn't like is the "to be continued" thing at the end. Does this story even need to be continued? I don't think it does. I think what it needs instead is a little bit more between the bookends. There needs to be more interaction with Macy in the house. She needs to have mannerisms that remind him of Hannah. She needs to say something that triggers him in some way, making him almost feel like he's stepped backward in time. As the kid sister of his dearly departed love, she would resemble her, and if she had similar mannerisms and said something like she had said, it could have enhanced his grief.

Maybe in such an instant it is such a surreal experience that he quickly has to excuse himself, and then he goes to the grave. In fact this might have been a better place for the author to reveal to the reader through the protagonist's thoughts who Macy is, rather than have it happen at the grave stone.

Now, I'm not saying continuing the story is a bad thing. There is room for Macy to help the protagonist process his grief, and she does the same (because obviously if the protagonist is grieving, so is the little sister of the protagonist's lost love). So, it wouldn't ruin things to continue. Well, it wouldn't ruin it much.

But simply ending at the grave stone is powerful. I enjoyed this. The author did a good job holding a mirror up to loss and grief. I just would have liked a little more interaction with Macy. To see her grief as well. For the two of them to grieve together, or if not, for the protagonist to at least see that her grief reflects his own.

Nevertheless, this was a good story and I definitely recommend it.

Good story! Way too short and let's be honest, "to be continued" is SUCH AN UNPROMISING ANNOYING CLICHE- AND it's an excuse to publish an unfinished story. So because what you already have is really good, it just needs expansion, please do that!!!!
One more thing- I liked the way I heard a great writer put this, and I'd like to share this little wisdom with you as you write more games in the Love and Dating category:
Don't ask your readers to be sad.
Just as an example, the part that you write "happy memory" and later "sad memory" is literally telling the reader that you're trying to set up a scene with a certain tone that will invoke very touchy, personal emotions. As writers it's our job to put emotion that we've personally connected with from real life experience into our fictional story. Once you do that, the deep seated emotion will come out naturally and your readers will be able to share those emotions with you as they play your game.
Thanks and please keep writing! :)

i dont really get it but the sister reveal was cool. so good that

All the choices don't really matter, but it was a nice story otherwise

I need more of this story it was wonderful

Rlly sweet! Madee me cry a llittle bit... :(
Pls make Part 2! I'm DYING to find out what happens next! ^-^

It was so good! Love the storyline and the attention to detail. I want more!

Amazing story! I call tell the author put a lot of thought into this. But seriously, the 'to be continued' almost killed me. If you're going to write a good story, at least finish it.

What!? To be continued?! Nooooooo!!!!