My Possessions

Well, this is certainly an interesting story, though it is obviously incomplete. Most of my complaints could probably be attributed to the fact that the author didn't finish the story, but they should probably be voiced anyway.

I will describe the positive points of this story first. I did think that the abuse from the father character fell right in the Goldilocks zone between being cartoonishly harsh and being too tame to warrant a post mortem revenge arc. Congratulations on that. Emotional responses in the reader are difficult to gauge. The whole haunting theme was also at least a little bit interesting as well. Though I won't go so far as to say that it is an original story, I do think that you at least gave plausible reasons for a haunting (except for the accumulation path being a waste of the reader's time.)

Now, one of my criticisms have already been aired. The accumulation path is completely unnecessary in its current state. The three endings on that path don't even feature the reader attempting their stated goad of an infernal takeover. That's probably the biggest failing of the story in general.

The other big complaint I had was how easy forgiveness came to the reader. Now, I will recognize that there are a few reasons this could have ended up being the case. It could be that time constraints (and procrastination) led to a much shorter story. It may just be that emotions like that are very difficult to portray in the written medium. I personally empathize with that.

Either way, you could easily make this into a passable story, and for the promise at the core of the story, I personally think this is at least a 3. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it as is, but it could easily be made good.

Interesting story... I'm much into ghosts and out-of-body experiences. ;-)

Lol the hobo fest was the first ending that I got. The poems were pretty good. I wished the whole story was poetry, though. I demand that you finish and republish it! Or else I will come back after death and haunt you forever!

I found the procrastination ending!

I appreciate the honesty, but I'd cut it from the story and put it in a forum post. I think letting readers form their opinion without seeing you shitting on your own story (inside the story!) is better, even if you know that factors lead to you making something you'd consider subpar.

But hey, despite your plans of unpublishing, consider that you did avoid shame and that the story wasn't taken down. That's got to count for something!

Ambitious stories might fare better inside longer contests, but those also do give more time for procrastination . . .

It's a different story than what I expected. I really like all the rhyming that gives the storytelling a unique air. I'd like to see a little more out of the story and a few more explanations, but overall, it's pretty good short read to change things up.