Pandemic Survival DEMO

DAMN IT I WANT MORE DAMN IT MORE GIVE ME MORE DAMN IT

The story you've written so far (though hard to judge because of the little amount you've finished) is great, and it definitely has great potential. However, I strongly recommend that you do not post anymore of these very unfinished demo's. I know that it is tempting to post a demo of a story you're working on, but at least make sure that it accurately represents your story. A demo like this, filled with empty pages and dead ends, will most probably encourage people to stay far, far away from the finished one.

However, like I said before, I like the writing so far (though I'd recommend spell checking before publishing) and I think that the full story will be great. However, I advise you to unpublish this demo, as it'll probably deter people from reading the full story. If you want to give people a preview, publish the link in the 'parlor room' in the forums.

I've given this demo a 2/8, mostly because of the many empty pages and dead ends (and so the general unfinishedness of the story).

Good luck writing!

It seems okay, I really don't know why a kid would go cheack out his school to find out why it was closed, choose to take a pocket knife, and then lie about where he is going?

I also would like to recommend not publishing demo's. If you want people to give feedback and/or playtest your game, leave sneak preview on and post a link in the Parlor Room.

Note: The following review is of my new demo format, not a regular review. I will rate each part by giving it my personal rating, and the traditional rating.

INTORDUCTION: Demos are bad. I have three recommendations: Finish the story, make the demo longer, or give a link to it in the parlor room (Keep sneak preview on). This seems like it could be a good story, even if the zombie topic is a bit overdone nowadays. Well, onto my review.

First Segment: Story
Personal rating: "Not to good or bad"
Traditional rating: "4/8"
Like I said before, the zombie topic is a bit overdone nowadays. The main plot is that you are Dean, a 14-year-old boy (Make the protagonist at least 18, kids are generally never very interesting as older characters). You wake up one day and hear on the radio that a flu has sweeped the nation, so school is closed for the day. You have the option to stay home, and then either get food or stay home, leading to another page and an end game link. The other path involves you going to investigate the school, in which you go to you and your friends' treehouse to meet up with them, or go home, both leading to a new page with an end game link. That's it. The story is overall simple and gets an average score.

Second Segment: Gameplay
Personal rating: "Good enough for me"
Traditional rating: 5/8
I don't know why I'm including this, but I digress. This has your regular old choose-your-own-adventure type gameplay where you pick a path and move along, or die. You do get an item, but you don't need to pick it up to move along (I recommend adding an item restriction to both the links where you need to pick up the item to advance). That's it for gameplay, so it gets a good score because it's regular gameplay. It's only five because you didn't set a restriction for the item or give the item a use (I ate unusable items).

Final Segment: Replayability and Length
Personal rating: "Horrible"
Traditional rating: 1/8
This game has no replayability. You have games like Ground Zero, a game where I played two hours straight trying to get a better ending than the ones I keep getting. Or Eternal, a game that I can't beat just because it's sooooo long. A CYS storygame should be pretty darn long, or have a bit of replayability, this game offers neither of those.

Final Rating:
Story: 4/8
Gameplay: 5/8
Replayability and Length: 1/8
Overall: 3/8

an incomplete story deserves an incomplete rating.

No, no, no, no, no! I don't mean to be rude, but most people on here can't stand demos, myself included. Please, for future reference, finish the game before you release it. Demos just piss people off.