Slay the Dragon

- - Quick Review - -
I must say I was a touch surprised by the contents of this story. It’s amusing, and the author does a nice job of giving it a medieval fantasy feel. I do wish it were a bit longer, but if you’re looking for a quick quest story and don’t need a ton of options then you’ll enjoy. I recommend if you enjoy quests, knights, dragons, maidens, and/or have a sense of humor.

SPOILERS BELOW! SPOILED THINGS ARE REALLY GROSS

- - Highlights - -
I love that the author used drop caps (never mind that I had to look up what they’re called). It was a stylish choice that really added to the medieval fantasy vibe. Another thing that helped support that feeling of the story was the language. The author did an incredible job of using knight-like language, which was a very impressive and enjoyable touch.

As I mentioned previously, this is a funny little storygame. It’s full of little jokes like Sir Loin (haha) and my personal favorite “You’ve never seen air die so brutally”. I laughed aloud several times while reading this (got some strange looks but who cares).

The first page does a nice job of bringing the reader right into the action, starting with the king’s dialogue. It presents the conflict at hand, introduces the main character, and sets up the later events in the story.

I liked that all of the failed choices had a reset link at the bottom, that was a helpful feature.

I don’t think any of this thought went into the naming, but I did some research on Sir Weaver and his steed Havachub’s names. As can be expected, Sir Weaver’s surname name means “a person who weaves cloth,” which when read into as deep as I read into it can hint that his family perhaps came from poverty and it’s probable that his ancestors never would’ve guessed their descendant would be such an honored knight. Then it took a bit more digging for Havachub, but roughly his name means “hated life-giver,” so interestingly enough them combined would be “a person who weaves and hates life” which is kind of funny. If you’re curious as to how I got that feel free to ask.

- - The parts of Slay the Dragon that were not “slay” - -
The first thing that came to my attention was the choices to be made— or lack thereof. This story was less like climbing a tree with many branches going further and further up and out with the threat of one snapping beneath my weight, and more like walking across a high-up path in the fog where a wrong step meant sudden death and there were few possibilities to take wrong steps. It was sad to say the least; made this feel more like a short story than a storygame.

All characters were introduced, but there was little development for any of them. I want to know about Sir Weaver’s drive for completing the quest, Sir Loin’s stupidity (and on that note what caused him to vow to be blindfolded in the first place). It just felt like there was a lot of missing lore for all these characters, and a fantasy without lore in my opinion is just dull.

Another thing I would’ve liked to have seen is better descriptions of setting. This is a medieval fantasy, surely there’s something wacky to describe! Not just settings either, most of the action sequences were rather short and easy feeling. I would have enjoyed the story so much more with some fleshed-out knight combat scenes.

Overall, the whole thing made me feel like I’d been shorted with this story. I had expected choices, many obstacles, a real dragon fight, some sort of connection between Sir Weaver and the princess. It just could’ve been done better.

In addition, there were a handful of SPAG errors throughout this story, such as the author missing a word or using “precedes” instead of “proceeds”.

- - Final Thoughts - -
Despite all its flaws, this is still a fun little short story. I just wouldn’t call it a storygame due to its lack of choices and branching. To be improved the bottom line is just flesh it out. Give it some details and more action, and some choices. If you enjoy an amusing story and don’t care about branching, it’s certainly worth your time. I gave it the benefit of the doubt in rating because despite its flaws it still presents a humorous, fun-to-read short story. Congrats on writing and publishing a story Fluxion, I’ll definitely have to read more of your stories.

Flux, don’t you think this wholesome fairy-tale-like quest game should be in the family friendly category instead?

General Recommendation: Do you like dragons? Do you like dick jokes? This story may be for you!
Preview: Can you make it to the dragon’s lair and save the maiden it has captured?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
Well, I definitely just read that.
I think the word “quaint” can best sum up the superficial tone of this story. It reads a lot like a children’s bedtime story, particularly the interaction between the knights on the bridge. The way their conflict is resolved is very reminsicent of old-timey fairy tales. The encounter with the nymphs and comraderie between the three knights fits equally well with the theme and structure of these short children’s fantasy stories.
The whole “quaint” thing is, of course in sharp contrast to this story’s true purpose: To cram as many dick jokes as humanly possible into the smallest amount of words.
For what it is, this game is very well done. It has a simple premise and concept, and it’s well executed, without cluttering up the plot needlessly or overstaying its welcome. Trying to make this game longer would only dilute the idea, it’s just the right length.
It would be better as a short story, however, as there are really only two choices, and they are each save-or-die. I recommend rewriting this as a linear short story.

Specific notes:
-Haha dick jokes.
-It can be tough to write “knightly” dialogue without coming across as stiff or weird, but this story does a good job of it. It's also a nice contrast.
-The joke about the horse being named poverty is amusing.

Grammar:
There’s a couple issues, but nothing distracting.
-“Proceeds”, nor precedes.
Mastery of Language:
Extremely good. Not only does Fluxion write archaic “knightly” dialogue in a satisfying and non-cliche way, but the sheer volume of dirty jokes crammed into this work is legitimately awing. Fluxion shows a mastery of wordplay here that isn’t often seen on this site.

Branching:
Zilch.

Player Options/fair choice:
Pretty good, the consequences of actions are well foreshadowed.

WRITING ADVICE:
I recommend re-writing this as a linear short story, it’s not really a storygame.

CONCLUSION: Like many of the games in this contest, I rate this 4/8 for linearity. Would easily be a 5/8 with better branching, but it doesn’t qualify as a story”game”.

Okay, I read the Fluxion's dragon story. Still, why dragons tho, the nightmarish landscape of all continuous streams of these reptilic monsters embodying genericness has once again sprouted the lands of this site. Anyway, let's get into the 'meat' of it.

To sum up it up, the whole tale is one big dick joke. From the names of the characters 'Sir Loin' to the way how conflict is solved in the story, everything is dedicated to this single theme. If anyone less keen on the more crass humor, wouldn't find a lot of enjoyment to it.

Well, I was having quite a great time to see three bumbling knights set off to fumble their way to save the princess. Their interactions with each other are very humorous and honestly the main character acting as the 'straight man' really plays off well with the more airheaded Sir loin.

The game's greatest strength is their heavy use of teasing wordplay and the dialogue. The characters talk in a very archaic way which even more emphasizes their sheer supidity and the ridiculousness of them all.

One thing that was rather lacking and something I struggle myself is that it sometimes feel that the characters are talking in a white room. There is little descriptions of the environment if at all, and due to this the passage of time is also not conveyed very well.

I myself struggle with this too haha. However, wouldn't it perhaps be funny if all the buildings in the kingdom are all phallic shaped or if in the dragon's lair flows a river with milk like water. You can have a little more fun wiith it I think. It's a fantasy land after all.

The last criticism I have is that there was only really one route to walk on and that there are not a lot of meaningful choices one can make. It might feel a bit too linear for many people who are not fond of the gauntlet style. I do have to admit, the death scenes were also quite amusing to read.

To conclude, it gave me a short chuckle at the end which makes the story good enough to me. The ending of which the plottwist I will keep a secret for now, was somehow the more satisfying than I had expected if one would choose the 'befriending' option. Dragons be dragons sometimes.

"I, too, am rock hard, Sir Loin, but together we must make each other harder. Do you believe it possible for two men to make each other harder?"

Flux...wtf is this gay s**t? I was sus on this story from this sentence alone, but the ending where you strip in front of the dragon all but confirms it...no subtlety at all as both guys are in bed talking about how "hard" they need to keep each other going forward.

Also, the title of the game is called "Slay the Dragon", a very cool title which is bound to get anyone's attention, but you just had to subvert it by having both you and your partner die if you choose to attack the dragon just so you can push your gay agenda!

Like seriously, is this whole game supposed to be some kind of joke or something? I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt this way, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one to spell out these feelings in as bluntly as this! :O

I would give a more thorough/useful review but I'm pretty sleep deprived so it wouldn't actually be very good. Your prose is...technically good but something about how certain sentences flowed felt a bit off that would require a more analytical version of me to pinpoint properly. Still you got me invested in your middling effort fantasy story so I suppose that counts for something.

Oh...one thing I remember is how quickly you pass over cliches plot points, like going into the dragon's cave and finding treasure, as if this was something the MC was supposed to expect despite nothing in the narrative itself suggesting that. Little details like that took me out of it, even I'm pretty sure this was meant to be a parody of sorts. Then again, I'm sure writing anything more detail without losing reader interest is pretty hard, so maybe I'm being too harsh in that regard. It honestly wasn't that big of a deal tbh, just felt like pointing that out I guess since I can...

A solid story for sure! (The gay stuff didn't actually bother me much at all, just felt like harping on it earlier for "the funni"! I was basically just jesting for fun! :P lol :P)

This is the first story I read from you, so glad I finally got around to seeing what your story writing style is like (I tried to read SoaGK way earlier but a combination of me not paying full attention and not clicking with your prose quickly enough caused me to bounce off of it too soon. I probably should give it another go sometime laterish...alongside your other stories perhaps! :O)

Good luck with your future projects then I guess! :D

(Cheers and all that stuff too as well! :D lol :P)

lol

that was perfect I loved it
I wish I could write like that

I liked the style of this one, very traditional fantasy with a surprising amount of willy jokes, definitely a bit of a unique blending! It moved in a bit of a straight line but I suppose there is only so much fun you can have with the style, recommended for those who like their stories entertaining in a special way :)

Lol, a very worthwhile read, so many dick jokes.

This sure was something. An absolutely fantastic something! The writing in this one is some of the funniest I've seen in this website, and its charm never wears out or overstays. Amazing work!

It’s k
K?