The King's Command

The first page was very well written, and brought me into the story very effectively. I enjoyed the detailing very much! The dialogue was excellent, settings were good. Honestly, this read like a poetry book ripped out of the Renaissance. However, as good as it was, I have some things I’d like to say about it. Personally, I didn’t much enjoy the sexual scene somewhere around the third page. I’m sure there was supposed to be some emotional tie there, or suspense, but I think I didn’t just get it. There were a few grammar mistakes (ex, putting actions within parenthesis in dialogue, using ‘dawned’ instead dof ‘donned), which can be fixed with a little more thorough revising and editing. You did a good job with this story, but I could tell that you tend to write novels instead of CYOAs. For your first attempt, it wasn’t bad, and you can definitely work on it!

All in all, it was a good story, but not so much a good CYOA for this type. I appreciate the effort! I am proud of your determination to finish. Go forth and create great things in the future!

The King's Command might not be a story for everyone, but I certainly enjoyed it. The main character is of the Rebel Royalty variety--not a character type I am fond of. The dialogue can be cheesy. The main guy gets three girlfriends in a matter of a month or so. The opening scene is pretty much a boxing match with swords.
Each of those elements on their own might have had me rolling my eyes, but put together, it's awesome. It reads like a pulpy action movie. Cool things were thrown at it until it became a thing of awesomeness.
If you enjoy that sort of movie, you will enjoy this story.

My favorite ending was the one where I became a mad pirate king. The branching was gauntlet style, which did lead to me being a little disappointed in the lack of real choices until the end and meant that the story has a lot less replay value than it could have had. Additionally, I think the present-day interaction pages with Garrett and Caitlin could have done with an option to skip them or at least not read both of them, if that was the reader's choice.

Thanks for the KOOL story, Ninja. I look forward to your next.

The first page already had me immersed into the story, as well as both giving valuable backstory into who I was playing as and setting the scene nicely. The “don’t be a bitch” certainly grabbed my attention.

I liked a lot of the characters and think the author did a really good job with creating different and unique personalities for each one. The Prince was cheeky and defiant, and I liked how remarkably blunt he was. He also developed as the story went on, which can be seen in one of the epilogues where the events of the past have changed him, and he becomes sadder and emptier. Garrick was another favourite, I especially enjoyed reading through when he became a victim to teasing.

Fighting/action scenes are a difficult thing to write, but it was done really well throughout this story. It wasn’t overly complex which made it easy to follow and allowed me to appreciate and understand the prince’s insane skill level when fighting. The battle near the end is something the author should be proud of writing.
Plot was good, unique and unpredictable- everything I admire in a story. Minor things such as the Prince not revealing his status to Lady Myrr made it even better and kept me guessing and anticipating.

Dialogue was witty and kept me entertained. I also thought pairing up of the dialogue and description was almost perfect throughout the story. It captivated me and added to the fast paced plot.
The couple of flashbacks at the start were a nice addition to the story too, I did sort of struggle through reading ‘A History Lesson’ but thinking back on it, it’s all relevant and important information anyway.

A lot of the time, I would find myself reading a page that seemed rather familiar and it would take me a second to realise that I’ve actually already read through it and made a choice at the end of it. I understand that is because you wanted the reader to go through the other path/read the other page, but why wouldn’t you have just added that link to the other path once the reader chose the other option? Personally, I found that it interrupted my reading flow and I kind of felt disengaged for a moment when this occurred.

I’m unfamiliar with the branching that was carried out in this story. I think it worked well as there was still an element of choice and I still felt like I was having an impact on the events in the second half of the story, but I did start to doubt my control over the first half. The limited first half branching also meant that the replayability (is that a word??) of the story is not that great.

Overall, I’m genuinely impressed. The things that stood out to me the most would be the memorable characters. I’ll definitely be reading more of anything this author publishes in the future.

it cool to read

Great story, wish it was longer!

I enjoyed the tale very much. I only regret that my choices were so limited. Often only option was to continue. The several endings I explored were mostly unsatisfying even though I didn't try all of them. Overall, they were well-written.

More a short story than a choose your story, given the lack of choices.

Underrated, great story with a lot of detail and impressive world-building.

Amazing game! Well written with good plot and action scenes. A bit cliche with the protagonist’s characterization but pretty good nonetheless. Would love to see a continuation

Decent, well written story. This is what this site should be about.