The Spartan Life

I must say that I enjoyed this a bit more than I thought I would as I read. This storygame is good for fans of the Halo lore, and it does a fine enough job with the action aspects that it doesn't drag on or become boring. So in short, this isn't a poor presentation, especially for a storygame that is a first for a writer.

While I am quite familiar with the Halo franchise, at least from the first to Reach, I feel that a bit more exposition wouldn't of hurt to make this more clearer for those that may not be familiar with the series. Also, maybe a bit more explanation as to who the members of the protagonist's fireteam are, and their personalities, traits, etc. It almost feels like the reader is just thrown into the story.

The writing isn't bad however, as I said before, the action and also the dialogue is always active, and the story never seems to slow down or go static. Those things may be considered less favorable to some, but this certainly does feel like a Halo story, as the writing does a well enough job in capturing the feeling of the lore.

One thing that I found to be at fault as I read were the spelling errors that I came across, or just generally weird punctuation or commas being needlessly added into a sentence. I almost feel like a broken record when I say this, but I feel that a writer always owes it to themselves to proofread their work before publishing.

My minor issues aside, this is pretty decent for a first effort. Don't be discouraged, as there's always room for improvement and I would like to see more writing from you.

neat!

Pretty good Halo story. I was expecting something more like the greek Spartans until I realized that I was in the fan fiction genre and not the historical genre.

Short little fun story, definitely not a waste of time. (Not sarcasm)

awsome and you should add an inventory and awsome items to go with it please and make it halo stuff

I gave it a five rating XD not an f rating when I said that I meant 4. It isn't bad for a first attempt, so keep it up, you'll get better with time.

You realy have no backround about whats going on... but it's an interesting concept, a space-war. I gave it a f-5 rating I don't know which one XD.

That was a good first story. What I felt though, was that I was not quite immersed, their wasn't quite a story, even if it was just a mission, and I felt like, whatever you did, there were no consequences. But the layout of the writing was good, and It be nice to see an edit to this game, or a remake.

Keep writing!

Not a bad story, although perhaps a bit out of my depth. You could possibly give the readers a bit more background on the character, and check your grammar and spelling, but otherwise not too bad.