bames nond

It's a good concept in theory,but the rambling nature and shitty grammar made it unbearable by the second or third page that I just grimaced and clicked until it was over. Reading this game unfortunately showed me how prison inmates must feel when receiving horrible anal.

Instead of rushing it out next time take the time to polish it and make it more cohesive or don't even bother. It being your first story game is no excuse for publishing garbage. We have standards here, put more effort in next time please.

I think you missed the point of a choose your OWN adventure story game, either you don't know the concept of what a storygame even is, or you don't care. In a good storygame you would be able to choose what paths the characters take to strengthen the bond between you and the character and to put yourself in their situation and make choices to give yourself the best outcome. A story is enjoyable, but if you want to make this a story then you should do that on your own time and somewhere else except on a website thats literally called "Chooseyourstory.com" I think you missed a MAJOR aspect in story game properties.

THE STORY...

The story was a cliche spin off of James bond I guess, but written in a way that you can't enjoy or relate to the characters in any way other than to go along with whats happening with no say whatsoever.

The WORST PART.

-grammer

grammar was not existent, and I can't be talking because maybe a few grammar mistakes slip through to my final draft. Either you didn't proofread, or you don't know what grammar is.

Spelling I'M like im, I saw this written hundreds of times throughout the entirety of the story.

And FOR TWO PEOPLE you didn't once think that this looked a smidge off to you, are you serious! The only explanation for this is your children and you stumbles across cys while searching the web for the kids CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE books you would get at a booksale for like 80% off, (You know).
____________

Conclusion...

Format 2/8

actual story 1/8

author 1/8

cringe 2/8

grammar -100000/8

----------

Overall score......

1/8, Stay FAR FAR AWAY...

I'm Just harshly critiquing the story, no actual hate to the authors...

Alright, which one of you rated this a 3?

I mean... Is there even a point to making any serious comment here? The story has no actual choices so it is already getting taken down after judging. Heck, maybe it'll be taken down before judging.

I said that bucketofknives was going to pull a Paradox (turn in a story with zero choices, for the uneducated) and I was fucking right.

Below, a quote, taken from ISentinelPenguinI, the first time someone fucked up this badly.

"I can't tell if wandering into an interactive fiction-type contest out of literally nowhere and then just submitting a normal story is the most based move I've ever seen, or actually pathological behavior. "

You really fucked up, but at least it was amusing. Congratulations.

Two people wrote this? Two people thought this was a good contest entry?