Captive... or not
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"march in the swamp"
"A well spent lunch break"
"choking hazard for children under 4"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 6. To compare to the movie rating system, this would be G.
Your family is captured by evil men in black... what lengths will you go through to save them?
Silver, before I talk about your game itself and what you need to work on, please ask yourself this question. Did I really put my heart and soul in this book?
Did you? It doesn't seem like it. This isn't meant to be a hate comment, but it may seem like one. I am only providing you tips, and what you need to do to fix this game is to help you improve your quality of writing. Okay, here I go. *sigh*
You need to make the length of the game longer. Desperately. Otherwise, it seems like you don't care about this game and that you just rushed to get it done because you get ten points when you publish a game...
Okay, also the quality of writing wasn't exactly that great, but it's mediocre. I noticed some grammatical mistakes, so please improve the pages, and scan the page for any mistakes or improper uses of commas or semi-colons.
You should have woven an intricate plot, and when I looked at this game it surely wasn't detailed. Boy, oh boy. It was lacking in detail, plot and character development. You could have explained why those men kidnapped the boy's family anyways, and some history lessons (links providing background history) could help a lot. Was his father a cop who had caught the leader of their gang, and now was the gang trying to get their revenge by kidnapping his family including him?
Also, you don't have to write the page numbers on the links as it isn't really required. This game needs work, and I think that you should definitely work on it and improve on the things I talked about.
Otherwise, the plot is semi-okay, and I see where you're trying to go. It's an okay first attempt, but take the game down, work on it then republish it. Then you'll probably get higher ratings and yeah.
This was a 2/8 to me. Not really that great, but it has potential and I believe in you!
on 11/21/2017 5:50:13 PM with a score of 0
Ugh the font sizes are weird. Too short.
on 6/23/2017 5:21:23 PM with a score of 0
Meh it was pretty short but kinda cool...4/8
on 8/8/2016 5:52:04 PM with a score of 0
Boring and bad grammar. Wouldn't read it again.
on 3/30/2015 12:34:17 PM with a score of 0
Short. Too short.
on 10/16/2014 12:13:52 PM with a score of 0
far too short.
on 10/14/2014 4:32:44 AM with a score of 0
This was the first game I ever played. It was awesome!
on 5/16/2014 2:18:35 PM with a score of 0
on 3/25/2014 1:58:23 PM with a score of 0
I think it was okay, I just hoped there would be more. And once my story game is finished, please come try it out!
on 12/26/2013 1:08:39 PM with a score of 0
Kinda short and would have liked a choice to be able to fight them, rather than just calling the police. Pretty good story otherwise
on 11/20/2013 4:12:35 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
187 guests and
version 20200005 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2021, Halogen Studios Entertainment |