knockout

This storygame isn't great. The story is short, the choices have little effect on the plot and the use of items is odd.

I liked the way that you can click on the school schedule to view it rather than having to use it. It's a shame that it wasn't actually useful because it didn't correlate to the in-game timetable.

The school utensils seems not only to be a useless item but actually had a really weird effect - using it would take you to the final page of the story I don't know if this was intentional or not, but either way it doesn't really make sense and it's not a useful feature for such a short game.

Looking at the links, the choices the player can make do seem to fit with the story well. But choices have very little effect on the plot and the direction it take you, which ultimately is the same ending. It might have been a nice touch, for example, if the player's choices would determine how Jimmy behaves later on in the game. I'd also like to point out that there are points where the clicking on certain links bring you to unexpected choices, such as when going to the toilet leads you directly outside and waiting for a lift home. This is pretty jarring for the reader.

The writing wasn't terrible but there were issues with capitalisation and weird extra spaces. The perspective wasn't consistent; this was written in both first and third person. I don't know if this was because there was a co-author, but if that was the case, try to work together when collaborating on a storygame.

This story was really short and I feel like it could have done with more fleshing out. It might not have been too bad if you could elaborate a little more on the protagonist's feelings and try to make the situation a little more complex than simply fighting off a bully who is just mean because he's a bully.

The pictures were pretty relevant and I felt they added to this storygame.

I read Tev's comment, and used the utensils to skip this story so I could give it a 1/8.

You switch perspective too much.

it had lots of typing errors and icant understand much

2/8. For bad punctuation, incorrect lower-casing, and also, the story wasn't all that good. You do, however, have the showings to ''becoming'' a good story writer. Keep writing and progressing.