Player Comments on Overthrown: The Makings of a God

This was really a well written story and I enjoyed reading it. The action sequences were well done and it fit well in the world of Greek Mythology.

Obviously, as listed in the description this game is extremely linear. Every choice followed the exact same narrative. It would have been nice if the places where there were different choices adjusted the path and even perhaps a different end.

Also, I would have gotten into the character more if he was a little more rounded out.The main character seemed pretty one dimensional emotionally and I would have liked a bit more internal conflict during the course of the story.

Overall, this was a good short story and worth the time to read.

The writing was good at the begging but started to fall of in the middle of the story. It started to become a bit rushed and your rising action felt a bit more like an ending. Some of it was confusing and then the random events started to happen. Like oh my Pegasus is old let me let him go, cool but it doesn’t ad to the story. If you are going to add “fillers” add multiple or it just seems random, and make it contribute to the actual story in someway shape or form.

I liked the fact that you added captions that gave the reader hints, but the only issue with that is the fact that it makes it less immersive. If your trying to immerse your crowd in the story game don’t add these comments. But if your going for a story game on the funnier side than add them. Immersing your readers is very important it can make a break a story. If you have your reader gasping at the plot twist or crying at a main character’s death you have done your job. Adding comments like don’t get your panties in a bunch ruins that though they may be funny. The key to making a good story in general is to emotionally connect with the reader, if it means being funny then add these comments but I don’t think your story wasn’t meant to be funny so that’s my tidbit of advice

Your grammar is good but don’t quote me on that because I absolutely suck when it comes to stuff like that. But I didn’t catch any spelling or grammar errors
I thought the horrible monster was typhoon it was confusing there were a lot of monsters and since they weren’t distantly identified I got a few of the mixed up.
Also I don’t like how you didn’t earn becoming a god, it kind of randomly happened. Becoming a god like you said was rare of zueses sons especially him granting it to you, so just saying The plot twist was okay but next time make it less predictable oh sacrifice comes with ebing a god who’s he going to sacrifice his family obviously make it more elusive more shocking and like I said before emotional.
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Lastly some of the things that happened in this story were too coincidental I see this a lot but you did an excellent job of taming it down until the end. When he became a god you kind off lost it but for the most part good story 5/8

This was a good entertaining read, and while some might criticise you for a its linearity, I think this style works and it does make it replayable.

I did enjoy this story and your writing style is pretty good, but I thought character development felt sorta empty. The protagonist's emotions and motives seem too simple. He wants to save people just because, and afterwards he feels angry because his village was destroyed. I think you could have given him more depth.

It's allright, but I think it will work better when you leave the author's note out of the story as it breaks the immersion a bit. I do like all the greek mythology references, you really did your homework on this one!

pretty good

This story was way too linear for my liking.

It's pretty good but all roads led back to the main story, which was a little boring.

Liked it. Good story.

nice nice nice

8/8

great story but i thought sand came out of
Antaeus not mud

Foolish Zeus making Ares' mistake (god of war game)

Amazing! This game was rather wonderfully written and it was never dull from beginning to end. My expectations for this storygame was high, but it exceeded them quite well.

Bravo :D

Awesome story!
Caught one grammar mistake, and a very confusing sentence but that was it.
I loved it!

When you said "This story is for hardcore readers only, if you're not prepared to read a lot then this is not for you..." I thought the story would be like endmaster's games, also it realy is a story not a game. All the paths lead to one ending. But it's the journey not the destination, and the journey was great, filled with action and pleanty of details, (and a overpowered hero who doesn't make dumb mistakes.)

Cool and interesting ending

Sorry. Nice story!!!

Nice game!!!

Great story

Best story-game I have played! I didn't think you could make such a good story without the advanced editor or a chance at losing, but I know better now! 10/10

Wonderful story! Bittersweet ending and interactive journey. Well, its great and I love it. What's there more to say? I did notice some writing mistakes, but they aren't that big of a deal. The plot has me enchanted. XD Anyway, onward to reading the next!

Interesting

Liked because Greek. :D

you used the word "power" a bit too much, but i think the story line is quite good.

Pretty cool, get the follow up coming!!! :D

Good game nice work with the twist at the end.

Cool game, didn't even mind all the blasphemy. Try the avanced editor next, it will give your fights a lot more depth.

oooooookkkkkkk.

Interesting tragic twist.

I actually really, really liked this! This wasn't so much a choose your own story as a story, but it was so well written that it didn't matter. You, sir/madame have created an awesome tale! Greek mythology is always a nice element. Very good story!

I'm 50% sure this is the best story of the site yet!

Very very good story.

cool

cool

He's an anti-hero? Like that guy from "God of War"?

Nice!

I t was amazing! You just feel everything Gaius feels. The anger at his father for killing everyone he loved, the only people that he became a god for. Really REALLY good.

That was amazing. I loved every bit of it. My favorite part was Gaius vs Typhoon. Keep it up.

7/8

It was ok. I guess. Cool story, but you need more than one ending.

ok that was linear. Very linear. Also whats the point of a choice if you get the same result?

It's pretty good!

Love it, Bo approves

Great story! A few annoying grammatical/spelling errors but overall really awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed this but I think you need to work on creating less linearity in the future. 6.

Were you really worried about being marked down for telling a long, involved story that doesn't happen to have a way to lose?
I'm not really sure that it lives up to the tagline of "Discover and live a story unlike anything you've witnessed before" but it was quite good. I appreciate the effort that went into writing such a long story. That said, you can certainly improve as a writer. Perhaps it was the first-person POV, but it seemed a little "fan-fictiony" for lack of a better word.

@Forge Dude. . . yeah, this story is OBVIOUSLY based LOOSELY on the mythology. I'm not even gonna go further than that. . .

Sorry, but:

1. Typhon beat Zeus in their first battle, therefore the son of Zeus would be crushed, even as a god.

2. Typhon is bigger than that - he wouldn't even have to fly to reach the altitude you described.

3. Zeus would have struck him out of the sky the moment he swore vengeance. You don't remain king of a bunch of backstabbing gods by being nice.

I really enjoyed this story. I look foward to playing it again to get a differnt ending.

i love it :)

Awesome job! I really enjoyed your story! It does seem similar to Percy Jackson's series, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself throughout every bit of the story. I can't wait for the sequel! I will definitely be looking forward to it!

I'm a big fan of the Percy Jackson series and the God of War games so I kinda based this story on them. It's good to see you guys like it, I'm working on a sequel... maybe PM some suggestions?

Great

Very good story. Like the Percy jackson series. Well done.

An interesting story despite the major similarities to most others that include the son of Zeus as the protagonist (God of War, Hercules, Clash of the Titans), but Typhon is actually a Titan. If you just came up with the name Typhon and the fact that Typhon actually exists in greek mythology was unknown to you, then that is a gigantic coincidence. If you did know about Typhon, then I see you made several modifications to him.