Phoenix Whip

Player Rating5.24/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 19 ratings since 04/13/2020
played 905 times (finished 24)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

My second game for the IS Endmaster contest

Player Comments

Good story
-- Agathe on 4/26/2020 3:59:45 PM with a score of 0
Poison_mara certainly has a talent for describing imaginative new worlds and disturbing situations. And at time her characterizations, delivered in two-line powerpacks of descriptive prose, are bizarrely off the wall (in a good way). Case in point: the "computerized voice that sounds like a porn actress with bronchitis." I'll bet no one will look at Siri the same way again....

This is a relatively short storygame, although Mara has packed a lot of narrative within these 12,000 words. Very much worth the read.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 4/16/2020 6:34:03 PM with a score of 0
The grammar of the story can be forgiven considering the fact that it was written by an ESL speaker, so I won't say much on that matter.

Phoenix Whip is an interesting dystopian story. Its plot is also unique--so much so that even writing a review for this storygame is an effort.

The plot is, by far, this story's strongest point. There is the issue of certain choices being completely meaningless, but this is explained near the end of the story. However, there are aspects of the plot that are never explained--and though most of them are relatively minor details, the lack of understanding can be frustrating.

The characters, as later explained by the plot, are shallow. Sadly, this also applies to the protagonist, who, for the most part, does not apply to the laws of the plot--not for most of the story, anyway.

The settings vary wildly and switch suddenly, which makes it difficult to keep track of. However, attention to detail is given in every setting--and though the setting could switch at the drop of a hat, you are not left to wonder what the new current place looks like.

All in all, this story is good--the plot is great, and this story actually has better grammar than some of the stories I have seen written by native English speakers. The story itself is, in a way, thought-provoking, and is definitely worth reading.
-- ImpiriTonggali on 4/16/2020 5:09:30 AM with a score of 0
I really enjoyed this! It has great content and is mostly very well written. I say mostly because, although I can tell you are a talented writer, there were a couple of sections that felt a little rushed (as I Will11 was getting at). Overall though, it was wonderfully weird (just as sci-fi should be) and altogether a great story.
-- Stefilia on 4/15/2020 2:31:56 PM with a score of 0
I don't think many members have written so many stories in such a short space of time and of such good quality too :D With strong writing and a creative and imaginative storyline I am beginning to think of this as "your style" and certainly you seem to have a gift for out-of-the-box settings and plots. Your characters and situations are always realistic and compelling and I thought this was a really good story :) Be careful of writing too much too quickly though as the quality may deteriorate as has happened to some writers in the past (particularly fan fiction writers for some reason). This story was great though :D
-- Will11 on 4/13/2020 9:25:21 AM with a score of 0
Show All Comments