Player Comments on Pitka's Fables

I feel like I have been spoiled by some of Ninja's later stories that particularly excel with narrative voice and flow, so this work left me with a lingering sense of disappointment. That is not to say it's bad! It's better than the stuff I've written and a lot of stories on the site. It also functions well as a piece of interactive fiction with a narrative voice that has a distinct-enough character. But that's just it. It functions well, but there's nothing that really stands out to me by the end, so writing this review has been tough because there's nothing egregiously bad about it, but not much that I really liked.

But with ninja's stories, where the tone and message are striking and layered, this story felt a bit muddled and not as impactful. Again, this is my perspective from reading "Pitka's Fables" after having read and deeply enjoyed several of Ninja's other stories. Perhaps it's not fair to Pitka's Fables, because after all, this was one of his earlier stories, so it wouldn't be completely right for me to read it in the lens of having already read standout classics like Rockstar, True Life, Degenerate, and Sterling City. And that's not even bringing his fantasy stories into the picture, since the tone of Pitka's Fables and the role the narrator plays in the story makes it more similar to Ninja's city tales rather than his epic fantasy works. So keeping in mind his goal with the story, I would say he didn't quite reach it with this one, at least compared to his future works.

The individual stories themselves were fine, but I didn't really feel a sense of narrative cohesion. There was little rhyme or reason as to why these particular stories were chosen, or what the point of each of the moral lessons were. Typically, Ninja stories have really profound and thought provoking themes that are layered quite skillfully within the narrative, so it feels like each piece of the story builds upon and continues the work of the last.

But the cliche moral lessons, combined with the Aesop-style fable telling, didn't really do it for me. It was also quite jarring and different from Ninja's other works, since I feel like with his shorter urban CYOAs, you kind of know what to expect going in. There's a certain promise and a feel that's achieved right from the beginning, but this one just seemed kind of different.

I don't have much to say on the specific tales, but I will say that Ninja did a great job of writing fables in the vein of Aesop, and it kind of shows his range and capability to tackle many different styles of writing. I read "The Cricket and the Drake"(funny reference to site members cricket and shadow drake), "the angelic army", and "the sages". They all felt like actual Aesop's fables I would read in a published book, so good job on that front.

I did like the mechanic where you're only allowed to read 3 stories before the narrator intercedes. It was fun to see the narrator's dialogue as you read each story. That element showed that there was some thought put into this story, and I was pretty excited to see how all these different elements would come together. He rushes you more as you read each story, and his previous warmth and friendliness disappears, as it was only a thin veneer belying his impatience and frustration with the story itself, with somewhat mirrored what I was feeling, although not entirely since I still liked it, I was just confused waiting to see Ninja's traditional trademark, some sort of stylistic flourish that really solidifies that he wrote this. Since Ninja's stories are pretty distinctive and unique to his style, so I didn't really see that here. But style takes time to evolve and mature, so that could be the reason too.

The narrator's tone was at times paternal and friendly, and at other times cynical and disinterested. That's kind of what contributed to the jarring effect, and led me to be confused at where exactly to place this. Ninja achieves the cynical, almost misanthropic tone of his narrators/characters better in other stories. But it was funny to hear the narrator say he didn't even want to be here, and that his attendance was forced.

Once the fable-reading time was over, the story picked up somewhat. I was like, "ok now we're going to see Ninja do something interesting with the narrator, play around with our expectations and subvert the traditional structure of a fairy-tale/moral preaching story a bit."

And he does, somewhat. It was funny to hear the narrator talk directly to use, referring events outside of the story's scope like XP points and the chooseyourstory.com site. I also thought the reference to people who are obsessed with reading/reviewing stories was kind of funny, and it felt pointed but in a good way. The narrator acknowledges that this story isn't a grand story with an intricate plot or a badass protagonist, and I feel like the 4th wall breaking was effective but muddled because Ninja doesn't really go far enough. I feel like with this story, Ninja utilizes 4th wall breaking like a magic trick, showing that he can do it, and do it well, but it doesn't exactly connect with the story or give me a sense of why we got the 4th wall breaking.

From there, the story proceeds to a sort of stream of consciousness repartee between the narrator and the reader, with the reader selecting various dialogue options to display their disdain/annoyance with the author. From there, there were a good amount of directions the 4th wall breaking, introspective narrator ranting could go, and they're all fun to read, and somewhat entertaining, but the fundamental flaw is that there was no sense of narrative cohesion. I didn't really get the point of it, and I feel like all the technical elements were on point, but they don't come together in sync like they do in so many of Ninja's other stories.

I think Ninja's psychological analyses, and the way he dissects behavior and talks about motivation in a thoughtful manner was present here, but unlike in his other stories, that style, while executed skillfully, doesn't enhance anything because there isn't much to enhance here.

And because of that lack of a point, my interest started to slip by the end because the writing was fine, but I just didn't understand why I was here. And this is not a harsh diatribe from someone who hates Ninja's stories, please don't misunderstand. I did try and think for a bit about what this all means, but by the end I could come up with nothing. It's possible that this was an experiment, a foray into the "Private Game for Natalie" style where Ninja is slowly exercising his 4th wall breaking/narrative interactive writing chops, which he gets much better at in future stories. Or maybe this was a rushed contest entry.

So, my final rating is a 5. I can't really criticize the writing itself, as from a technical and mechanistic perspective it's solid. Or the CYOA links and style, and I will admit the short, punchy, 2 paragraph pages mollified me somewhat(since if Ninja had written longer pages in this style, I probably would have DNFed) because clearly Ninja understands pacing quite well and also knows that at its heart, this story doesn't really have a final end goal or cohesive vision/point, so it didn't wear out its welcome by being too long. But it didn't particularly impress me either and just left me feeling kind of confused and hopelessly muddled by the end. Maybe that was the point?

I guess I just didn't get it.

Unlike many games on CYS, this game has an almost literary quality, and it poses a sort of literary question, of precisely the sort that I frequently post to my students to their boredom and sudden muteness: what do you do with a story that suddenly "breaks" in the middle and feels like two different stories?

You can say that the author has lost control or that the story is bad or annoying or something like that, and sometimes that's the case. However, having read Ninja's other work, and knowing that he knows his way around a narrative, I'd rather trust the author and poke at the storygame and see what's interesting here. And there is a lot.

The first part professes to teach us some morals, and these morals don't all hang together well--it's not clear to me how you would "know your place" but also "question everything"--or exactly placing the "overall" ahead of "your viewpoint" works with helping in a way that is "tailored to your personal talent." The morals often interestingly clash and butt up against each other in a designedly incoherent way.

If that were it, I don't think there would be much here--it would be, with apologies to Mizal, another version of "Now You Gotta Deal With This S***"--a collection of short pieces stuck together.

And if the second half, a suddenly embittered whirlwind of a narrator, quick to turn on the reader, were all there were, I don't think there would be much here either--it would be just sudden venom, exhaustion, sometimes in a "gotcha" voice and sometimes in a sarcastic, nasty voice, but always unpleasant.

But it's the connection of the two halves that makes this story work. Here's why: you can slowly see the narrator responding to his own morals, hearing the hoary and really rather boring lessons ("Pride blinds you from Potential," gee, thanks) as attacks on himself and his own accomplishment, in life as a whole, but more particularly his own writing, and the collapse of the story sort of becomes the point. You can do a truly shit job of writing a story about a story collapsing, but this one is not that. There's control in the way the morals get echoed (annoyingly so) in the narrative--suddenly ideas like "personal talent"; "your viewpoint"; "potential"; "knowing your place"--all of these become taken by the narrator as attacks almost on the part of the reader choosing these stories.

Is it the most pleasant thing to watch a story and narrator implode? Not at all. But interesting art is often pretty abrasive. In the hands of a worse writer, this story technique would lead to something pretty laughable. But in Ninja's hands, I think he has created something interesting and memorable.

I'm not entirely sure why this story hit me so hard, but I can wager a guess. It could be because the Narrator seems to see deeply inside my mind, it may be the fables themselves reminding me of a time where me and my Nona would laugh over the tales her mother whispered into her ear as a child.

This game, despite its length, has wormed its way into being one of my favorite games on the site- I feel as though I say that a lot, but this time it's even more true. It's simple, yet deep at the same time. Contradicting lessons leading to a true heartfelt message of falling into cynicism proves Ninjapitka's writing abilities.

Go read this if you haven't, and read it again if you have. 8/8.

i liked it

Was not expecting to be told that I was loved by a story game today, but here we are. Thank you.

Your stories have good morals too.

great. :)

Really opened my eyes. The first interaction fiction I've ever read and honestly really enjoyed it. Thanks a ton for the experience.

Great lessons in this text-game. It's short mostly however packed with pieces of purity. Worth every penny.

The game is short and initially confusing, with the 'choices' not exactly matching what I'd like to say. But those are the only downsides of this story - it is well-written and really engaging. Sometimes it's funny, and sometimes it reaches a truth that can hurt just a little. I would completely recommend spending a little time playing.

This story is unusual and I like that.
In particular I enjoyed the moral lesson being told with the morals sometimes contradicting each other. Then throughout the rest the story your character accepts these morals in a subtle way.

Overall a well written good story.

Wow, this was really good.

I'm shocked that I found this entertaining haha.

This was intriguing. Before I spoil anything, you need to play this game first. Reading a review of it will spoil everything unique about it. So GO PLAY THE GAME. I will tell you right off the bat that it is worth picking up. If you are reading this, then you have some interest in it or the author, so just do it.

With that out of the way this game can be split into two parts. The first part is the fables, and the second is the mental breakdown portion of it. While I prefer the latter, they both were very good.

The fables themselves were fairly well done. I did go back and read all of them, and I liked them all. My favorite was the sages, but they are all worth a read. I'm not sure if you wrote all the fables, but if you did that is even more impressive. While they all are pretty generic, I like that they focused on a particular theme and were normally pretty short. All in all, not bad.

Then there is the depression section. I tend to like the games that introduce meta elements, especially when they are executed well. It sure is a good thing that this story was executed very well. This section makes up a good portion of the story, and nearly all of the branching. The story isn’t very long by any means, but it is enjoyable.

In conclusion I like this story. It is well done, and it combines two concepts I enjoy a lot. I have a fondness for fables, and a fondness for games with meta elements. The branching isn’t very vast, but it works for what it is. This is a story you sit down and read. Then you walk away. It is no masterpiece, but it is solid, and sometimes that’s all a book needs.

Well, this one was interesting. Spoilers are a part of my review, you have been warned. This started as a cute collection of pretty good children’s fables. I was enjoying clicking through them, and the vague framed story made an enjoyable way to mash them together. That is, it did until Pika god mad.

With the second half taken into account, I am not sure if this fits the prompt of a children’s fable anymore. I wouldn’t slap a “great for children” sticker on this one... I do like the creative approach though. I think that the author did a good job of trying to modify the story to compete with games made for the audience that was going to be judging these, while still technically sticking to his prompt. (It might be hard for a one page story about cute talking animals to compete with the tales of a traveling bard).

Prompt aside, I was torn on this story as I am with all of these “break the forth wall and have the author get mad at the reader” games. This one had a sudden, jarring shift which added to the shock of the second half. It also branched quite a bit for what seemed to be a relatively simply structured game.

Everything was well written, with only minor grammar errors (if any). I apologize, I try to be more detailed, but am unable to right at the moment. My issue with the game was that the choices all led to dark paths where the author was angry. The approach of trying to “psychoanalyze” the reader was clever, but the draw/intrigue of other games like this is how varied the “conversations” and authors attitude was.

For example, to point to another game like this, “private game for Natalie” had a path where “Natalie” and the author were happy, married, and had kids. There was another ending where they were married, but not happy, the author expressing extreme sexual frustration. Go back a few choices and go down a different route, and not only are the two not married, the author is stalking “Natalie”. There were also branches where the author was killing other people “Natalie” was taking to. You get the idea. That variability is what was missing from this (I think).

Even an ending where I left on time and didn’t anger Pika would have been a nice touch. Especially if I wanted to show this game to a kid. I would just always go to that ending with them... either way, as is typical with these type of games, it was an interesting read, but it was not my favorite. I was torn between a lower rating because I didn’t find it personally enjoyable; however, the writing and imagery was so good it deserved a higher one... so my actual rating (a 5) was a compromise between a 4.5 and 5.5/6.

I was enjoying it until you decided to spend several pages berating me.

Spoilery things, proceed with caution

I loved the use of images during the fable portion of this. When I noticed it move I felt a chill up my spine.
Overall I liked this story since it feels like you were going for a 'fables are too simple to explore true morality and existence/are only a nice veneer' approach.

My thoughts mostly echo Bill's - with some of Gower's sentiments thrown in. Though, I will add that I think the description page looks really nice with the title font. I'll leave it there because I don't particularly have anything else to add that Bill and Gower haven't already discussed.

So 2019 is turning out to be Year of the Meta Storygame...

There is no way to review Pitka's Fables without addressing the meta-twist, but then again that twist occurs so early in the story that perhaps it really isn't a spoil at all to mention it.

But if you must: SPOILERS (AND NOTHING BUT) BEYOND THIS POINT!

Basically, the premise is that you've been invited to read some Aesop-style fables with Pitka-as-Narrator, and the introductory artwork sets the expectation that "you" are something akin to a child going to the storybook section of a library. The first fable goes well, but Pitka's impatience starts to show after the second. When the third fable is completed, he tells you it's time to go. Then when you pick a fourth (you have to, there is no other option) everything goes off the rails.

The remainder of the storygame -- actually, the bulk of it, as the fable set-up is just a facade -- is a rambling conversation. The fourth wall is instantly deleted, and the whole child / storyteller pretense is flushed away with it. Pitka-as-Narrator has a lot to get off his chest, and the conversation is largely one-sided in his favor. He is a rambling contrarian, at times vindictive, contemplative, vulnerable, manipulative, and quick to bestow labels as a self-defense mechanism. I was reminded of various ... personalities in this aspect.

But yes, contrarian: eager to get sloshed on Johnny Walker Red Label in one ending, and one back button later threatening to pour his liquor down the drain, using his goals of self-improvement as vengeance against you over some perceived slight.

In "Private Game for Natalie," you (as Natalie) could play a role in shaping your relationship with "Gower" through your choice in responses, either to a sweetly sentimental conclusion or to a deeply disturbing one. Here, all of the options are disturbing. Pitka-as-Narrator has a lot of baggage he wants to unload, as well as more than a few Star Wars references. And he rambles a bit.

The closest real life experience I could match this to was when I had the misfortune to sit next to a conspiracy theorist at a bar earlier this year. Any adult who is not a conspiracy theorist himself or herself know what incomprehensible conversationalists such people make. Pitka-as-Narrator isn't a conspiracy theorist, but the bore factor is about the same.

That's my reaction to the scenario that the real Ninjapitka has created. As a storygame, it was well-written and well-executed. Therefore my biggest complaint is that the fictional Pitka wasn't a terribly desirable person to spend time with. And when all was said and done, those clever little parables at the beginning were a distant memory.

<WARNING: This review contains spoilers. Read the story first.>

Well, my first thought is "Dude, are you okay?" Though I think that might be the point. The writing starts off well enough, with a snarky narrator offering to tell you some stories for some unknown reason. I do enjoy the tone you gave him, though once the stories begin it does not carry over. Were I to recommend changes, I would say to allow his cynical attitude to slip into the stories a bit (perhaps more and more as his "time" runs out, though that would require quite a bit of extra work.) The fables themselves were short but interesting. They were well-written, and I felt like I was reading out of an Aesop book. The morals at the end did not always match the tales exactly and I did think a few of them might be worded better, but they got the point across.

Once you run out of time though, the entire mood of the story takes a jarring turn. There are hints of this character "change" earlier on, but it still came as a bit of a surprise (good use of foreshadowing!) I played through the various endings, but the best I found was still... spiteful? But I guess I can't expect to turn a cynical character somewhat optimistic. I did find the holiday rant a bit sudden, but that was because I had no idea that the story was set in the holiday season right up until it happened. My opinion on fourth-wall breaks changes depending on the material, but I think you implemented them here well enough.

I don't think the maturity level here really warrants a 6/8. There is some light swearing and a mention of alcohol in one ending, but nothing close to the graphicness of other 6/8 maturity stories I have read on here. While I certainly wouldn't recommend it for young children, I don't think it belongs "between PG-13 and R".

Overall, it's a nice little story with a good twist. You are clearly a talented writer, and while you refer to yourself as a C- I'd say you're at least at a C. I really enjoyed reading this (and if you ignored my warning and read the review before the game, you really should read it too.) Keep up the good work! I'm sure your writing will only get better with time.