Player Comments on This Fate

General Recommendation: I definitely recommend this game. It’s an intriguing concept, and it’s done well.
Preview: Caught in a time loop where you always fail to save the love of your life, how will this cycle finally end?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
An excellent game, taking an interesting concept and exploring it fully and thoughtfully through multiple possibilities. I’ve always thought the cyoa format would lend itself well to time travel stories, and it’s nice to see a storygame take this premise and execute it so well. The conclusion of the final ending works well in this format; the player knows, of course, that fate does not exist; they’ve already seen this scenario play out in a dozen different possible ways. Seeing a game take advantage of the format in this way is satisfying.
There’s the sense that each individual playthrough could count as another iteration of the loop, made stronger by some of the endings. Each pathway in this game is made stronger by the others.
The length of this game is just right. A shorter game could not explore the conept in the depth it deserves, while a longer game would nee much more complexity and history to pull it off as well. The size of this game allows the concept to be successfully approached from a more thoughtful and introspective space.
The major players in this game (the narrator, “her”, the empire, etc.) are never named, with the focus instead resting on the narrator’s internal thoughts. After so many loops, these details are unimportant to him, and it does a good job conveying the extent of the time that has passed. The game does not dwell on the romatic aspects of the protagonist’s relationship; instead taking this relationship for granted and using it to tell a different story. This works well with the impressionistic tone of the story.
The emotional impact of the writing is done well. With a quick pace and focus on action, it never crosses the line into pointless angst, instead having the narrator’s emotions speak for themselves. The simplicity with which they are presented pairs well with the work’s overall tone, making it more impactful.

Specific notes:
-Ooh, time loops.
-Italicizing character thoughts is usually a good idea, and sentences in parenthesis should still be capitalized.
-I like the narration style. It does a good job conveying what the narrator has been through, and how familiar he is with these circumstances. The use of dashes does this well.
-I also like the use of the page titles to continue the story. It makes a kind of call-and-response effect, which adds to the poetic nature of the story.
-Many sentences are not capitalized, is this a stylistic choice? If so I’m not sure it’s working, it just seems like poor editing and doesn’t add to the reading.
-Generally, limiting the amount of one-linke choices is prefered.
-I like that the third branch takes the form of a flashback sequence. It’s a good way to show the history.
-It’s not completely clear what’s causing these time loops, even in the finale. How did the narrator’s friend get access to these secrets of time and fate in the first place?

Grammar
A couple issues, such as the lack of capitalizations. Some of the grammatical issues may have been a stylistic choice, but I don’t think it was a useful one.
Mastery of Language
Excellent. Despite a couple grammatical issues, the language is poetic and moving in a way few other games on this site approach. The use of titles, dashes, and parenthesis makes the narrative seem a lot like the narrator’s stream of consciousness.

Branching
There’s quite a lot of branching in this game, with a wide variety of both epilogues and codas. The player’s choices really do matter.

Player Options/fair choice
Good; the consequences of actions are logical.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I first reached Code: interlocking time loops. I don’t usually like romance games, but I quite enjoyed this (perhaps because of the time travel).

CONCLUSION: 6/8, though I was tempted to rate it 7/8 for the creativity that went into its use of the cyoa format.

I just realized I never commented here.

SoSaidL, I absolutely adored this. Stories in the 'love & dating' genre don't usually do much for me but throw in some tragedy and time loops and an oppressive empire and apparently things change. :P

The way everything kept intertwining and the sense of growing futility there were an excellent uses of the medium, I feel like the whole concept of time loops just works so well with a CYOA and I've so rarely seen it done.

I'm actually going to disagree with Bucky here because I feel like we got to know exactly enough about the characters. The main character in particular is singleminded and devoted enough that it doesn't take long to get in his head and believe what he believes, that they're locked into this by fate and the girl is the only thing that matters.

On the path I started out with, enough was seen about how she was originally to make the changes that started effecting her intriguing, especially the way it tied in to what had to happen to save her. I'm trying to remember if I've seen something like that kind of gradual, subconscious effect in a time travel story like this before, but I'm drawing a blank.

The one thing I thought maybe should have been explored even if it just turned out to be another dead end, was the idea that maybe the time loops were meant to save /him/. After repeatedly trying and failing to save her, it seems like there would be a point where he at least attempted to change things by just leaving town a week in advance, if only to see if everything would reset if he wasn't even around when she died.

A little more thought put into the fates of his family would have been realistic too seeing how he had to live with them knowing they would die too just as many times, but I do get that would take the focus off the two of them.

Anyway, thoroughly enjoyed this. :) I got several Coda endings but the Rebel Warrior was the only epilogue. I guess there's two more, but I didn't get the sense any of them would be legitimately happy endings. (Even this one, it's kind of sad thinking of how he basically had to make her into a completely different person to save her, and I don't have the highest hopes for the future of that setting when the winning side has arguably become just as bad as their enemies...)

Is the other story you're working on in the same setting? From the blurb it looks like it may be from the other side's POV, so, should be interesting. :D

Well the lack of speech marks was a constant annoyance and I would've preferred to see more choices instead of page after page with only one link, but that out of the way, I really enjoyed it.
You're not the best writer as far as grammar and punctuation are concerned, but you definitely know how to draw people in and get them to care about the fate of the characters, which is a way more important skill. I really felt the protagonist's desperation from the start and that really set the tone of the game for me.
I guess the biggest downfall is that I never really picked up on why this particular girl was so important. I get that they were childhood friends and all, but I never saw what was so special about her that her life was worth more than the lives of everybody else in the village combined, including his family. That said, she was a very interesting character that I did want to see survive.
All in all, a very good game but please, please, please use quotation marks next time.

Boring bad quality bad bad bad ones try no good ending

That was very sad!!! :'(

beautiful

damn. That was great and so heartwrenching. I'm so happy I got all the 3 epilogues! The only epilogue that was close to a happy ending was the "Scarlet Empress" epilogue. My heart was broken with "The rebel warrior" and "The empire's assassin" epilogue.

It was really wonderful! , I was a little frustrated at how short it was the first few times I played, but then I played it again and discovered a longer path that I enjoyed a lot!
I recommend playing it over and over again so you could get the full idea of the story. I haven't yet but I do plan to.

really sad. I tried again and again and I couldn't find a happy ending.

Brilliant.

This is one of the most beautiful storygames on this site. You do have to go through a few alternate routes to get the whole story, but wow this brought me to tears at one point. Breathtaking and a wonderful experience.

This game is everything and more. Well done, well done.

I don't get much of the story. But I did go back and look at a couple other endings. I still liked it. Although, it seemed too quick. It was too easy to choose a different ending. What I mean by that is when you choose, you only get a few more choices before you get to an ending.

You.

You have a certain way with words, that is extremely rare and cannot be learned. You're exceptional, and I hope you continue making stories like this, though I did get a little confused at one point.

You give the story it's own movie, like my imagination is the movie theatre and this is the movie. It's simply amazing.

You make the characters real with your words and your ideas.

You make it great.

nice game

Several months ago, I posted a review on this story. In that review, I stated that this story was 'good', but disappointing in its lack of good endings.

I now see how truly wrong I was.

This Fate is a beautiful story that functions as an allegory for the inevitability of loss.

Its concept is simple; you are caught in a time loop where your family, friends, and the girl you love are killed each time. The story is unique in that it doesn't begin where it should; rather, the protagonist is forced into a shoot-out with the love of his life in the very. First. Page.

This is not a story with multiple routes. To understand the plot, you must play each and every route, for they give you small bits and pieces to the plot. Each time, time rewinds to give you another chance. Another shot to save her, somehow, some way. Almost all of your choices will end in failure... and yet, it's perfect. That mechanic blends perfectly into the story, as it hammers in the feeling of desperation.

There are no good endings. There are no bad endings. There's just... life. Even once you find that lucky set of choices where you can save her, you both have turned into monsters in the process.

Then, it ends.

The two of you are together. Both of you know you've committed atrocities, but your love for each other kept you sane. The woman you love is empress, and you are her emperor. She reminisces that even though her humanity is long gone, she won't stop in her reign til she's given every piece of humanity she lost back to the people she fought for.

Even now, This Fate is my favorite game on the site. Not because it's filled with action, or long, or heart-racing, but because it feels real. It's beautiful writing you'd expect to see in a novel. The best parts shine in what the author chooses to leave out; the story is anonymous, the empire's actions are left ambiguous, the characters dying internally happened long ago. We aren't left with fluff, just reality.

This Fate isn't a story where you'll leave feeling satisfied. It's a story you'll come back to weeks later, entrapped by its complex plot. You're left pondering what everything meant, and it will take you days to sort through your feelings.

This Fate is a beautiful story that functions as an allegory for the inevitability of loss, but it's also a beautiful metaphor for change. And that, is what makes it great.

This story really touches the feelings.

I wish there was some way to get a good ending... Sad endings are ok for short stories or books, but the nature of the CYOA allows you to include at least one positive ending, even if you have to go out of your way to get it.

But, you have strong writing. So, 6/8. :)

-Charaxes

Great story. I really felt a connection to the characters and the plot was really interesting. Great job!

This is honestly the most emotional story I've seen on this site. It's even better than Sethaniel's Snow (the only other comparable short story). You had multiple story paths, the premise of time travel to save someone's life was excellent, the characters were nicely developed (and suited to their circumstances, as another comment says already). And the emotion is where this really shines, I think this is the first time I cried from a story since Dumbledore died. Overall an excellent story.

LONGER

This is really short and sad this is love and dating? I don't believe it.. Should I have gone a different path (shakes head) I have no idea

I thoroughly enjoyed reading through several different endings, and I will be definitely be replaying this to find them all. You had me at 'time travel', but the entire dystopian setting and the feeling of inevitable tragedy were what really reeled me in.

I actually really liked that our characters were nameless and faceless, because I thought the anonymity really helped reinforce the feeling of what the timelines were doing to the protagonist's mind. Everything except the mission to save the girl stopped mattering.

Granted, the quality of the writing did fluctuate from time to time, and there are some little nitpicks with grammar, spelling, and formatting here and there, but overall, the narration has an almost dream-like quality that makes it easier to overlook them.

All in all, engaging characters, fantastic setting, excellent use of plot device, and overall great work. This is one of the few Love & Dating games I will probably come back to replay.

I don't usually comment on games but I found this be utterly amazing. I couldn't rest until I'd seen all three epilogues. I can't really say I had a favourite, they all told an important part of the story. Thanks so much for writing this, I loved it!

My thoughts fall alongside Briar's. I enjoyed the story. You started with an interesting scene that engaged the reader and followed through with a good payout. I would have liked to know a little more about the girl, as to what specifically made our relationship so special in the first place (in the original timeline per se). I feel as though this information could have really helped draw the reader even further into the story and the characters' plight.

At any rate, I look forward to seeing more stories from you in the future. This was a very promising first story, and I expect the next to be even better.

(Ah, something I should clarify, sorry, sleepy brain--I know you used quotes on the first page. So ... you knew they were needed at one point, but I'm rather baffled by the fact that you stopped and -- so far, I haven't seen you use them for any other speech.)

It's a beautiful concept and your writing is very good, but ... not great. Not quite. You're getting there.

I really want to like this more. Unfortunately, you don't format dialogue in an easily discernable way and it is jarring. You had a few general mistakes, too--which I can overlook, but the lack of quotes for speech bothers me. It's a basic part of writing character interaction.

I could understand if you used italics or bold for memory or non-verbal communication... but yeah, even if it wasn't regular speech, making it look just like the rest of the story isn't a good idea.

Still, this is certainly one of the nicer new games I've seen rolled out lately and I'd still say it's a piece that you should be proud of--especially as a first, considering first games are usually awful and this one is quite nice.

It's also a respectable length and I can see you actually took a good amount of time to work on it, rather than rushing just to publish something regardless of quality, so I have faith that you'll continue to make good games, perhaps amazing ones, with a bit more time and effort.

I haven't read all the endings yet, so I need to go back and do so. In the meantime, over all, good work, consider your formatting / proof reading, and I look forward to seeing your next game.

Fantastic :) Very powerful writing :D