Hello, good reader. Seeing as BZ hasn't given me a theme to work with, rather than write, I watched Logan. I've been waiting to watch it on the big TV properly rather than a shitty pirated copy because I've heard nothing but rave reviews and how it could be the best superhero movie ever. I'll presume you've all assumed my now I hated it and am now going to blast it for a good bit. Fuck, I made a massive thread about 13 Reasons Why entirely for this reason.
To begin and give the movie it's credit, I liked Stephen Merchant. He was fun. Did well. I also liked the gore, that was pretty cool. Good addition. Would've been cooler if this was trend-setting rather than just them showing up late to the party, but whatever. Those were the positives.
The characters were at best mediocre. The super-wolverine girl is simply just there to be Wolverine's escort mission and for the feelz. Her personality includes not talking for whatever reason, being Spanish, and having claws. Good job her. Wolverine was just the same grizzled, alcoholic superhero we've seen time and time again, like that's something new. His character development is giving shit about her. It's like Last of Us, if Ellie was younger, boring and Spanish. There's nothing particularly new or exciting there. Professor X is just there, being old and confused, before being murdered because he was too old and confused.
The villains are just generic and boring. They want a weapon to be more powerful, yadda yadda yadda. You've seen it before. If you saw Jurassic World, replace Raptors with kids and it's the same thing. The main villain has a robot arm and nothing else, or is just a generic evil doctor, or is a clone of the protagonist, depending on who you think's the "Main" villain. Nothing you haven't seen before.
The plot is pretty much just an escort mission. The bad guys are evil and want the girl, the girl does not want the bad guys to get her. No plot twists, nothing clever, just "Eh".
There's also black and white version called Logan Noir. That annoys me. This film wasn't nearly aesthetically pleasing to warrant that. This shit should be reserved for stuff like Fury Road.
All in all, it's not a bad film, in its defense. I'd say it's what I'd expect out of an X-Men film, if a bit grittier, but the thing is, with the amount of hype it's got, it was just a disappointment. The film's action sequences were cool, but nothing special. It wasn't charming, or funny, or witty, or thought-provoking, or daring, or trend-setting or even particularly cool or brutal. It does everything either slightly above average, average or worse. Literally nothing stands out about it, and for the life of me I can't understand how anyone thought it was great. I can only presume it was the excellent marketing campaign about how it was the last Wolverine and the Johnny Cash song making the trailer look cool, followed by people just sheepishly repeating how much they loved it as soon as the first guys out did. All in all, an average film undeserving of its reputation.
Anyhow, if any of you liked it, tell me so I know why and can then presumably yell at you.
