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Yesterday, I discovered my mother died when I had gone to visit her.

Has anyone here dealt with this kind of loss? After one or two breakdowns I just feel numb or cry when I remember her.

I cannot say I have ever experienced this type of pain. The only death I've experienced so far has been my grandfather, and that was when I was much younger. I am truly sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through.

That sounds like a shocking and horrifying experience, and you have my condolences.  Surely the pain of finding out someone had died when I go to visit her is unimaginable to me, and I am sure you are having a very rough time of things right now.

Someone important to me died quite recently, but I have yet to lose a parent or any relative in a way like that.

I can't even imagine how awful that must be. I am truly sorry for your loss and wish you all the best. I hope she had a long and happy life and her death was peaceful.
Death has been mostly merciful on my family so far. My grandfather died last year, but I hardly knew him. The worst thing about it was that I was only able to truly meet him when he was already in the hospital, and just a few days after I did, he was gone for ever. He seemed like a very good man, but I'll just ... never know.
Even just thinking about one of my parents dying terrifies me. I suppose I should at least try, since with my mother's bad health it'll no doubt happen soon, and it'd likely be good to have some plan in advance. But ... you can't really plan these things.
Once again, I wish you all the best. If you ever want to talk about it, we'll all do our best to help you, even if we're just a bunch of strangers on the internet.

I'm really sorry Zass. Lean on people who are close to you. I've never experienced anything like that so I can't tell you how to deal with it. You seem to be dealing with it like anyone would.

Sorry to hear that, brother. Hope you're remembering the good times you shared with her.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Not going to pry into details but was there some health situation beforehand or did you have no warning at all?

There's not much anybody can say at a time like this that helps I know, losing my mom was the worst experience of my life and really it was only her and my aunt being so strong in their faith that helped me get through it, they were absolutely confident it was just a temporary goodbye and if nothing else I knew she wouldn't want me to stay miserable forever.

Everybody will say things like to focus on the good times and etc and it's possible that may help, but grief is a personal thing and everyone gets through it in their own way, there is no simple solution.

My father told me she had gone through her second surgery for a tiny ulcer in the intestine. I had visited her after the first surgery and everything was good so I imagined she would be okay. When I asked for directions for her room on the UTI with my cousin, the doctor came out to explain how she died because of a complication on her surgery for cancer at the same time I was watching anime at home.

I just wish I was the one being buried today, I'm fucking useless and was barely going on to try and keep her happy. She could just be happy with my father and brother and I wouldn't be there to mess things up.

You're not useless. Those kinds of feelings are normal but the truth is you're just getting started out in life and you're going to go on to be one of your mom's major contributions to the world. That's how the whole family thing works and it's been going on for as long as humans have existed. Everyone goes through this at some point. I'm sorry that for you it had to be so early in your life and so suddenly.

That's actually completely normal to feel. When my brother died, I think that half the people in my family said that they wished it was them instead, and somehow tried to reason how they should have died instead, and everything would be better off if they'd have died instead. All I can say is that it's not true, and that death doesn't work like that. You can't exchange one life for another, and even if you could, your family would be just as miserable if you'd died. 

You're not useless, you're just in a completely hopeless situation where there's nothing that anyone can do to make things better. Try to keep in mind that you lost your mother too, and there's no pain or suffering that your father and brother are going through that you're not going through yourself. You're just as important as they are, so make sure you take care of yourself too.

Damn, I'm really sorry. Wish I could give some encouraging words or something, but I'm afraid that time is the only thing that'll help. There's no real right or wrong way to deal with grief and everybody deals with it in different ways. I lost my brother a couple of years ago, and looking back, I really don't know how I got through it, but I did. You just have to take it one day at a time. I think the only advice I can think to give is don't bottle things up, it'll come back to bite you in the ass later down the line. Also, don't feel like you have to act or feel a certain way. If at any point you just feel like, "Fuck it, I can't cry anymore, I just want to watch a movie and forget about everything," then do it. Do whatever you feel you need to do at the time. If you feel like you need to talk to people then talk to people, and if you feel like you need to be alone, then be alone. If you need to cry then cry, and if you want to be happy for awhile, then do something that makes you happy. Try to spend time with the other members of your family and help them to get through this, but also make sure you take care of yourself. No one else is suffering any more than you are right now, so just focus on doing whatever it is you need to do to cope.

That is tragic. I wish you the best.