The premise is certainly interesting. "Superhuman" types of stories aren't all that rare, an incorporation of a Chinese flavour would resonate well. While I would like to dissect this in more detail, it's late right now, and I most likely won't be visiting the site during the week. Furthermore, I hate forums. Anyway, so here's some thoughts that came to my mind:
1. You should introduce the main character and the world slightly more. Granted, we only see your first two pages, and I am an advocate of "show not tell", but I would keep that in mind if you do decide to write this story.
2. This ties in with the first thought, in that I'm not too sure how you are going to make Lin Jinhai appealing as a main character. Typically, in 2nd person POV, you want to make the character at least share some common ground with the reader. What we have is a uneducated, orphaned 15 year old, who is in a deep rage and thinks slamming their fists in a grand form of bloody knuckles with the door is a good idea. I don't know...Others might disagree with me on this, but I think if you developed Jinhai in such a way that he doesn't seem entirely appalling, you'd start your story off better.
3. Your writing style is distinct, which will take some getting used to. When we were supposed to sympathize with Jinhai when his parents died, I felt absolutely nothing. I'm thinking your writing style is the cause of this. This isn't a bad thing by an stretch of the imagination, but I would heartily recommend you save the more "emotional" parts for later in the story, when the reader has adjusted. This way, you can engross your readers.
4. Punctuation, spelling, grammar, all that jazz is decent, and I'm glad you are using the WW. Some minor things I remember seeing were "...he found at the end a old looking", where "a" should be changed to "an", and that sorta thing. Nothing too distracting, but you should be mindful of.
5. I think your choice of dialogue needs some work. Is he muttering out loud? Is he thinking in his head? Your dialogue doesn't distinguish this, and it should. Furthermore, I think you're throwing too many punches too early. Yes, strong language is fine, but I feel it's too excessive, at least the amount in the start. Strong language should provide comic relief or help connect the character to the reader, but neither of those things happened.
6. "The common lifespan of a commoner is 50-60 while somebody that cultivates would be 100+. A powerful person if he/she continues to train is 500+, some but few may even reach 1000 years old but these are hidden masters and they rarely show themselves. They also age a lot slower so somebody in the 100s might look young."
Feels out of place, even when considering your writing style. I don't think this is pivotal information that the reader needs to know at the beginning of the story, and falls into the "show not tell" I meantioned earlier. Why not omit this, but use it later, perhaps in dialogue? For instance, if Lin encounters on of those fabled "masters" during his journey, why not have the master say something like "I have lived for hundreds of years, defeated countless doors in hand smashing contests...what makes you so special?" Yeah yeah, cliche, but you should get the point. This might seem like a "tell" and not a "show", and you are right in some sense. But you aren't breaking the narration. This is more of a show instead of tell because you, as the narrator, aren't telling the reader directly. Instead, you have a character develop this certain element in your world, which makes the story flow MUCH better.
Anyway, there's some more, but like I said, it's late, I have a report that I need to write, and I don't want to be in the forums longer than I have to. I think you have a great idea here, and if finished, would love to read it and give feedback. Have a great day.
P.S. Rereading the OP, I don't know if you wanted just a simple "Yes I'm interested", or actual writing help. I'm thinking the former, but I don't want to erase like, 10 minutes worth of writing.
