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Magno

6 years ago

28) A historical fiction with one of the main pathways being true history (edutainment)

For this prompt I’ve decided to go back to the dawn of the Hellenistic Era. The game will feature one of the greatest conquerors ever and his life. As of now I’m planning on making this a mix of lots of story and battles that are based upon code. 

I’m considering this my first update. 

Magno

6 years ago

Please do not reply to this post.

Word Count: 23,339

Page Count: 91

Link Count: 148

Epilogue Completion Count: 4/4

Magno

6 years ago

Sounds interesting. ^_^

:O Two historical ones? Steve and you it seems? I think? Maybe I should... xP

Magno

6 years ago

Make another historical story as well? I don't know, last time you did that you ended up winning second place. Not that I'm trying to discourage you from entering, but I don't want you do be disappointed when my Historical fiction wins out in the end.

Edit: I kind of find it odd, after him saying no to my challenge that he end up doing the same story genre as mine.

Magno

6 years ago

I don't plan to win. ^_^ I plan to dominate - no, jk I'll leave the squabbling to the rest of you. I won't be disappointed; it's just that after such a long period of NOT writing, I wanted to use this as a chance to stimulate those brain juices again. ^_^

Magno

6 years ago

Perfectly reasonably reasonable reason. I wish you luck on your story game, and let the best historical fiction win.

Magno

6 years ago

Alright. I pumped out a thousand words or so to start this off, so I'm feeling pretty good. I'll be posting excerpts periodically in this thread, so if anyone feels like giving feedback, then I'm certainly open. 

Specifically this is my first page. No revisions just yet. I'm also considering this a part of my first update this week.

-

Smoke from the burning city filled the air. Some detest the smell of smoke, others complain that it burns their eyes and throat. For Philip the Second of Macedon, however, smoke only meant one thing. 

Victory.

His eyes stay focused on the city of Potidea. Shouting, screams, and the sound of crackling fire reached Philip's ears, but he did not seem to be affected by it in the slightest. The man was the perfect picture of poise and power. He would never look away from the battle when started, for even the slightest moment. If he faltered for even a moment, then all of his plans could come crashing down. No, he would wait patiently for his field general to come back proclaiming victory in his and Macedon's name. Until then, he would wait here surrounded by his most trusted generals and guards. Philip only ever felt more home in one place. That being his fourth wife, Olympias', bed. He would often switch between the two things. His current battle, and his wife at home, whom, to Philip's delight, was pregnant. A son is what he hoped for, and one sired by him and Olympias was sure to be a boy of the strongest blood. She was getting fairly large at around the time Philip left for his current campaign, and while waiting for victory to be announced, Philip realized something. 

"Polypias." Philip called out to his general, but still kept his eyes peeled to scene of chaos and destruction before him. 

"My Liege."

"How long have we spent sieging this godforsaken place?'

"Around three months, my liege." 

"I thought so. Prep-" Before he can finish giving his command, a cheer goes up from the burning city. 

Philip hears him before he sees him. "Victory to Philip! Victory to Macedon!" The man you've been waiting for, the field general, gallops out of the burning city with the city's flag on a chestnut war horse. In his right hand is a spear, and on that spear is the banner of Potidea. The field general, Philip can never seem to remember his name, decided that it'd be a great idea to set that same banner ablaze. Philip reminds himself to give the man a promotion. 

The question Philip was going to ask Polypias is forgotten in the addictive wake of total victory. 

-

The sheets of Olympias' sheets are soaked. Maids run in and out of the room frantically. Some carry sheets, while other's carry buckets of water, but among the throng of the people surrounding Olympias, one stands out more than the others. A young maiden stands with a bow and a quiver of arrows over her shoulder. Her face is a mix of approval and joy, and her very presence radiates silvery light and power. 

Philip gazes around the room in awe. None of the maidservants seem to notice him, and in fact, Philip notices, ignore him entirely. Perplexed that his servants would disrespect their king so easily, Philip reaches out to rebuke the closest servant for their flippancy, but his hand goes right through her. He tries again with nearly all of the servants, save the maiden, yet none of them respond to his attempts in the slightest. Still confused, Philip walks to the opposite side of the bed from the young maiden and approaches Olympias. Surely his wife will remember him. 

"Olympias," he says, then tries to touch her shoulder. His hand passes through, and he cries out in frustration. 

Olympias cries out as well, simultaneously startling Philip and knocking him to his senses. Philip re-examines the room, and after a few seconds of thought, realizes that his wife is giving birth. Instead of being frustrated at his predicament, Philip watches and waits.

A maid, apparently the one in charge of the lot of them, shouts, "It's happening!" Maids move around nearly in unison and in preparation of what's to come. The head maid positions her hands below Olympias' midriff and starts moving her hands amid a mix of blood and skin. Philip looks on excitedly. If this is a vision like he thinks it is, then he really is seeing his son being born. 

Some moments later, the head maid withdraws her hands from Olympias holding a baby that looks as if it had been bathed in blood. A beautiful sound echoes throughout the room, and as much as he's glad to see his baby born, Philip can't help but feel a sense of foreboding. That sense intensifies when a new sound joins the glorious cries of the baby. This one not nearly so pleasant. 

Olympias' screams overpower the baby's cries. It spurs all of the maids back into action, for at the splendor of the baby, they forgot their first priority, keeping Olympias alive. 

"No, no, no..." Philip starts muttering incoherently as he realizes what's about to happen. 

The maid's are fast and efficient, but no where near as fast and efficient as Philip wants them to be. Every scream of Olympias he hears marks another maid's face he memorizes. If she dies in the care of these people, then there will be eternal suffering for them to pay when you return. Olympias' breaths turn from heavy, to shallow, then ending at virtually non-existent. Some of the maids start crying, but the head maid keeps working until she feels the last breath go out of her. Only then does she start crying as well. The baby lays in the arm of another nameless maid at the foot of the bed. 

Philip's heart skips a beat, and it's all he can do to stop himself from crying as well. Of all the wives he'd ever taken, Olympias was the only one he could say that he truly loved. And now she was dead before his eyes. The reality of the situation hits Philip harder than it should, and despite his best efforts, Philip breaks down into tears. 

"Please. Zeus, Hera. If there be any Gods out there, Please don't take Olympias away from me." He doesn't usually pray so earnestly, but the situation seemed to call for it. 

Even though he was the one asking, Philip was more than startled to hear a response. It came from the young maiden on the other side of the bed. "Are you sure?" The voice exudes power unlike any other he'd ever heard.

Philip looks to the young maiden. Her ancient silvery eyes look back at him, and her eyebrows are raised in question. Philip nods and manages to mumble a "yes." 

"You may come to regret this." Before Philip can ask what she means, the Goddess leans over and kisses Olympias on her brow. With that action she disappears leaving Philip, the maids, and Olympias alone. 

Olympias breathing goes from shallow to deep, and her wound seem to heal themselves. If the maids had been paying a little more attention they might have seen the miracle occur, but amidst their despair and Olympias blood no one but Philip saw what happened. 

"Give him to me." The voice starts out as a whisper, but it grows steadily louder until the maids realize that their queen is still alive. The chaos that filled the room moments before the birthing reenters the room as the maids clean the baby and her mother up. Philip stands beside Olympias with his eyes rimmed red, but his expression a mask of joy. 

Prior to this, Olympias and Philip discussed what your name should be if you were to be a boy. 

It is there, in your mother's arms that she calls you by it for the first time. 

"Alexander."

Magno

6 years ago

Counting this as the second update this week. Well I get to writing the second page, hit a thousand words or so, then through some crazy happenstance...it got deleted. A little less than an hour later, and I've redrafted it, and made it a bit more concise. 

I think with all that I want to accomplish for this game I might just need to make this a story about Alexander's ascension to power rather than the full story of his life. There's simply too many events for me (keeping in mind that I tend to write a lot of words per page, yet not many words per minute) to write about while branching, and making battles a massive event. 

That being said, it'll still be a great game, and it gives me the opportunity to make a sequel, so all in all, everything is going fine.

Magno

6 years ago
How'd you manage to lose a thousand words? What are you writing with?

Magno

6 years ago

I, uh, was actually writing with this sites advanced editor. I usually write in word, but I didn’t want to get caught in a situation where I finished writing everything last minute, and then have to format onto here.

Magno

6 years ago
Yeah don't do that lol. Or at least get in the habit of copying each page before you hit submit. This site glitches out far too often for anyone to be comfortable writing directly onto it, even aside from connection dropping issues etc you'd find anywhere.

Ought to keep anything you write anywhere backed up in a couple places anyhow.

Magno

6 years ago

Yeah. I’ve been copying everything and pasting it into word as a back up. I did the entirety of my last story on this site, and it didn’t glitch out nearly as much. That’s probably because I used classic for the last one though. 

If it happens several more times, then I will definitely consider switching to word entirely, but for now I’ll just plug on through.

Magno

6 years ago

First update of the week.

Well, I’ve been super busy for the first part of this week, so I’ve gotten pretty much nothing done. By nothing, I’m referring to nothing that I’ve been able to add to my word story progression post. Still been smoothing out some chinks in my original plan though, so there’s something.

Second update. Past week has been a major disappointment for the story. Planned a lot, but no solid additions to the story.

Magno

6 years ago
It's so quiet in here, I can hear the grass growing. Did I break my headphones? Or did someone forget the rule about two weekly updates?

Magno

6 years ago

Oh yeah. I really slacked last week in both writing, and updating the progress I had. Which was nil.

That was only one week though so I’m hoping it won’t affect too much.

Magno

6 years ago

Amongst planning for my brother’s wedding, Christmas, and finishing finals, things are finally starting to look up. 

Update one for the week. Have added a few hundred words and pages, and will have to adjust outline for lack of time. Although, the extension is much appreciated. 

Update two. Nothing else written this week.

Magno

6 years ago

First update of the week. I've finished transferring some files over to word, for I'll be writing on a trip I'm taking to Texas today up until Monday. I'm hoping I'll get a lot of things done. Second update will tell how this endeavor goes.

Magno

6 years ago

Second update of th week. Plan went awry. I picked up The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson and read for twelve hours straight to finish the book. Zero progress there, but I'm hoping the way back will be more fruitful in nature.

Magno

6 years ago
Please tell us more about the tropical fruits.

Magno

6 years ago
I just realized this thread says magno not mango. Am I byslexic?

Mango

6 years ago

Yes

Magno

6 years ago
Yeah, I totally thought it said Mango, too.

Magno

6 years ago

Finally got back to writing. I knocked out around  two thousand words this morning so there's progress, and I'm entering prime time writing mode. My procrastination has ended and all that is left is to do. On the down side, I'm not sure I'll finish this as thoroughly as I wanted. 

Edit: Alas, no mango's here.

Magno

6 years ago
Note: You still have time to add some mangoes.

Magno

6 years ago

I will consider this.

Magno

6 years ago

Honestly I kept seeing "Magneto" whenever I saw this thread title.

Magno

6 years ago
Maybe we could get Magneto juggling mangoes.

Magno

6 years ago

No Magneto here either. Instead you all got stuck with the the grecian(?)/macedonian(?) word for great. No where near as interesting as a mutant using his powers to carry steel plates of mangoes to his bedside table.

Magno

6 years ago

Strangely enough, I saw “magenta.”

Magno

6 years ago
Now that's just silly.

Magno

6 years ago

Hit the 10,000 word mark. It isn't very much right now, but I'm hoping to at least hit 20,000 by the deadline. I'll be in for a rough next few days, but if all goes well, then this will be a nice story game and a solid contest entry. 

Magno

6 years ago
Nice.

Your audience does wonder, though, how many of those 10,000 words are "mango," "magenta," "magneto," and how many of them actually start with the letter "m." We hope all this will be provided when the story is published.

Magno

6 years ago

What kind of question is this? Obviously all ten thousand words are one of those three words.

Magno

6 years ago
The magenta magneto ate some mangoes... nope, I can't do it, I need a few verbs and other things in there...

Magenta Magneto mangoed...?

Magno

6 years ago

At the rate I'm progressing I'll definitely have to pull an all nighter. I still have 4 more epilogues to complete which will likely take a minimum of two thousand words apiece to complete. 

On the bright side, I have completed on epilogue, so there is definitely progress being made.

Anyone have tips for pulling all nighters?

Magno

6 years ago
I'm thinking you should eat some mangoes.

Magno

6 years ago

If you get really tired to the point where you're dropping off and losing a couple minutes, lay down in the most uncomfortable position possible and prop your head up on your arm. Stop writing or looking at anything. Keep your phone/watch nearby. You'll end up taking micro naps, which are a few seconds long, and when your arm moves or falls out from under you you'll wake up again. Just do that for about half an hour to two hours or until you feel like you can keep going without falling asleep for a while. 

If I've ever found it absolutely necessary to pull an allnighter, then losing two hours that way beats losing 8 by just falling asleep with your face on the keyboard. 

Edit: I mean, I know the advice is a bit too late now, but for future reference I guess. 

Magno

6 years ago

I'll keep the advice in mind, although you are right. The night is pretty much over now, and I've managed to keep myself awake. I was able to stay fairly awake through entire ordeal, so the night is a huge success.

Magno

6 years ago

At the end of my all nighter and I only got around 4,000 words and one epilogue completed. Two epilogues left, but less than twenty four hours to go. Let's see if I can get it done...

Magno

6 years ago

20,000 word mark. My hands are starting to cramp, and I still have two epilogues to go. Barely more than three hours left, and what makes it worse is that everyone is finishing before me with double my current word count or more. Ayway, time to get back to writing.

Magno

6 years ago
As long as you're having fun...

Magno

6 years ago

It is. By the way, your obsession with mangoes has led me to give you a cameo in the story.

Magno

6 years ago
I hope I'm carrying mangoes. Or eating them.

Magno

6 years ago
You may not like where you're carrying them...

Magno

6 years ago

Final word count is 23,339. 

I have many regrets, but I'd say the on to trump all of the rest is that I wasn't able to flesh of Aristotle's and Alexander's relationship very much at all.