The Griffin Season 1

Guys I'm really sorry I got frustrated with you and I'll work on the detail.Thanks for the tips, I'm just really defensive sometimes. I would take those comments back if I could. I'll take all these things into consideration.

I know you guys are being honest, BUT I WAS ONLY 9 WHEN I MADE THIS! I just turned 10....
Well, I'm trying to make something better. That doesn't take just 3 weeks. Jeez. My fist story game and everyone hates it.

Okay, you give us a "good ending" after only two pages, but seem to expect us to play all the way through. I honestly don't understand that. Also, you need to add a lot more description and make sure that all of your pages have links. There are very few instances in which it is okay to have a page without links. Also, you really didn't give us any backstory or even explain the setting. Seriously, one moment, you're fighting guys with machine guns, and the next, you're attacking a (tribal?) village. I will admit that this is an interesting concept, but the game needs a lot of work.

1) There were a few unfinished choices
2) I went to the lake, met a hydra, and answered a question wrong, and fell into lava. How does that work?
3) Nearly all the pages only have one sentence. You need more then that to have a good story game.
4) Maybe a bit of background info would be useful. Why you are there, where you were before, that kind of stuff.
5) Details. Nearly every good story has paragraphs of details on every page.
6) Length. Nearly every good story has a good story line, and most of the time that means many pages.
7) It has a good start, and has much potential. I like the idea of this very much. If you want to make it really good, take the things I listed above into consideration.

That was not very long and was not very detailed. I feel like this was completed in a very short space of time and in a hurry. I understand the excitement of getting a new piece out for the world to see, but remember, writing storygames takes time, and it is not good to publish a quick short game hoping for good results. You did not describe anything at all on each page. What is my background? Why is there battle? What is the history of the game? I don't even know what I look like. These aspects of a game are extremely important when making a story that readers will instantly become hooked on. Your game was also quite short, and I feel that I never even did anything while playing. I clicked two links and ended up living happily ever after. If you had expanded the game, made it harder, even added fight scenes, this game could have been better. I recommend the author to take back this game, flesh it out, fix a few grammar mistakes and describe all the important moments and people in the game, this could possibly be an awesome story. 3/8.

There were plenty of options in the story but you really need to work on your grammar and add a bit more descriptive language.

This is....

awful.

Jesus you guys complain a lot! I've fixed the errors and instead of dying by dodging the missle, there is a whole new storyline! Also, I'm sorry to say I don't know how to post pictures. :(

This game certainly has potential, but I didn't feel like you lived up to it. First of all, let me say that I liked your story idea, I like it that it is written from the griffin's point of view.

However, I didn't really like the way your story is written. It is very hard to identify with the protagonist, as you give almost no descriptive texts. Though you write about the thoughts of the griffin, his surroundings, the scientists, the griffin's appearance, etc. are completely unknown to the reader.

Furthermore,I also find it kinda strange that I, as the last griffin, suddenly am meeting griffins left and right. Doesn't that kinda beat the point of being the last griffin?

I do, however, like the fact that you have given the reader many different choices, and that those choices also matter to the plot of the story. Unfortunately most of the consequences and the pacing of the story feels kinda rushed and random, as the lack of descriptive texts makes it impossible for me to make an educated guess about which choice to make.

I've decided to give your story a 3/8, because like I said before, I really like the idea of your story, but it feels unfinished. However, I do believe that you'll be able to write a great story next time, or maybe improve this one!

Good luck writing!

"You dodged it, but you soon died of old age"
WTF? 2/8.