America: Made Apocalyptic

The opening scene in this storygame was actually quite interesting, as my immediate response to eating from a can of beets was, 'Eww,' only to then agree with the player character about having to eat something you might not like once food is more scarce.

The opening page is set in the present, but most of the rest of the storygame is remembering the events that led to that point. While this is something that can be done well, there wasn't really enough detail about the player character to allow me to care about them and their survival. The initial choice at the beginning doesn't do anything to change the outcome of the storygame, or indeed have any effect apart from a brief change in the narration on the next pages. The same was true of the second choice, which only had a brief change to the narration if you clicked on the choice that said it started with the wall.

The character of Frank, who seems to be miraculously resurrected after the player character pushes him off the wall, has more of a personality than the player character, and even that isn't very much. The player character feels very much like a blank slate, but while that can be a good thing if done well, in this instance, there are no real choices to develop the player character's personality, and nothing in the narration to show what the player character is thinking or feeling. Even the rather bizarre choice to pee yourself doesn't have any emotional component to it - it just happens and doesn't seem related to fear.

There aren't really that many choices that branch out the storygame, even though it appears there are at an initial glance. While some of the pages do have two or three choices on them, there's so much looping that, the majority of the time, you end up in exactly the same place at the end...which isn't where you are right at the beginning, which is quite jarring.

I would suggest removing the first page entirely, as the 'ending' of the storygame didn't have anything to do with the opening page. I think the storygame could have been longer and more detailed, especially when it came to the player character and their history and personality.

I think this storygame had a lot of potential, and if it does get expanded upon, I'd be interested in revisiting it.

There are a lot of issues with the structure of America: Made Apocalyptic, but it was somewhat entertaining.
You start off in a bunker a few months after the nuclear apocalypse, and the narration is in present tense. Then, the narration switches to past tense as if you are thinking back on what happened. However, the story continues in past tense, even when the time is explicitly said to be two years after the story started, and nowhere do you end up back in the bunker.

The absurdity of the events such as the Canadian, moose-riding militia is entertaining, but the reader chooses what events happen rather than what the character does. Rather than feeling like a CYOA, it feels more like reading a strange bedtime story and deciding what you are going to have happen next. Maybe some will enjoy that more than I did.

I did get a laugh at the part when you are stationed in
Wisconsin. That was the best part for me, because I have totally known a Frank, several really. It made me wonder if the author has lived in or near Wisconsin, or maybe the reputation of Packers fans has spread across the country.

If the formatting and structure had been less screwy, this might have been a very entertaining story.

This had a nice humor element, and it was well written and a good idea in general. Very original.

Although, while I loved it, I'm just warning you other people might not. These types of things really piss people off, as they can be sensitive about people expressing their opinion this way.

While you should be prepared for some bad reviews from people who can't take a joke, I think you should definitely keep writing. This was definitely a great and fun way to kill a few minutes.

I did notice a few flaws, but nothing unfixable. I hope you continue publishing, 6/8 :)

go away trump

I like the style

"10 out of 10,100 out of 100 best game best game"

This was bad. Can't say I was a fan of pretty much anything in this.

Died #2

IDK #1

died #1