America: Made Apocalyptic
, #54 for
played 1,620 times (finished 175)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
Based Off A True Story
A take on what is to come
There are a lot of issues with the structure of America: Made Apocalyptic, but it was somewhat entertaining.
You start off in a bunker a few months after the nuclear apocalypse, and the narration is in present tense. Then, the narration switches to past tense as if you are thinking back on what happened. However, the story continues in past tense, even when the time is explicitly said to be two years after the story started, and nowhere do you end up back in the bunker.
The absurdity of the events such as the Canadian, moose-riding militia is entertaining, but the reader chooses what events happen rather than what the character does. Rather than feeling like a CYOA, it feels more like reading a strange bedtime story and deciding what you are going to have happen next. Maybe some will enjoy that more than I did.
I did get a laugh at the part when you are stationed in
Wisconsin. That was the best part for me, because I have totally known a Frank, several really. It made me wonder if the author has lived in or near Wisconsin, or maybe the reputation of Packers fans has spread across the country.
If the formatting and structure had been less screwy, this might have been a very entertaining story.
on 5/9/2019 5:06:02 PM with a score of 0
This is one of the funniest fucking things I've read on this website. Really fun mix of social commentary with absolute, ridiculous absurdity. I was ugly laughing by the time the Canadians invaded on mooseback.
There were typos and grammatical mistakes sprinkled throughout, but it was mostly minor stuff; homophones, incorrect use of apostrophes, etc. For the most part, your syntax was fine.
Really cutting stuff. I look forward to your next endeavour, and hope it involves more Candians. I rate this story a solid 6/8. Good shit, OP.
on 12/18/2016 9:37:37 PM with a score of 0
This had a nice humor element, and it was well written and a good idea in general. Very original.
Although, while I loved it, I'm just warning you other people might not. These types of things really piss people off, as they can be sensitive about people expressing their opinion this way.
While you should be prepared for some bad reviews from people who can't take a joke, I think you should definitely keep writing. This was definitely a great and fun way to kill a few minutes.
I did notice a few flaws, but nothing unfixable. I hope you continue publishing, 6/8 :)
on 12/16/2016 4:56:57 PM with a score of 0
on 9/12/2019 4:12:33 PM with a score of 0
on 9/12/2019 4:12:09 PM with a score of 0
on 9/12/2019 4:11:46 PM with a score of 0
I thought this was pretty funny and overall a good way to spend a couple minutes. The absurdity worked well in that it was funny but wasn't completely unbelievable.
on 5/23/2019 12:32:42 PM with a score of 0
Poorly written, terrible grammar, and such, but... yeah... there was an attempt(?)
on 5/17/2019 4:28:16 PM with a score of 0
Not bad, could be better, but it's pretty good!
on 5/16/2019 4:10:40 PM with a score of 0
It was funny i guess ? Could have been longer and there was only one ending. :-I
on 5/1/2019 9:31:57 AM with a score of 0
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