Archangel

Player Rating5.12/8

"#190 overall, #12 for 2014"
based on 110 ratings since 10/08/2014
played 1,198 times (finished 136)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

An apocalyptic adventure about a young man who uses his faith, love, courage, and will to fight his way to saving himself and his wife.

Go easy on me, I've never written a story ever before. Please enjoy and have fun :)

 

Player Comments

Very good for a first storygame. Unfortunately, my comment will simply repeat what others have said, but these things bear repeating, so here we go.
No. 1: The religious elements. Absolutely, 100% support them. Regardless of my personal views, this site has games with magic, star wars, zombies, and talking animals, so "credibility" or any such argument is moot. Additionally, with a title like "Archangel," it's pretty clear that the story will at least have a religious subtheme. I support the religious aspects in this game, and if there is to be a sequel (as I hope there will be), I hope that it would be maintained.
No. 2: As some people have said, this story is a little railroaded at present. I would recommend something more like a "3 strikes system": each time the player makes a "less-than-ideal" choice, describe them as getting wounded in some way. After the third bad idea, the player actually dies. (Note: 3 is a good number, but not essential. you can have a 2 strikes or 12 strikes system and have it still be effective, but the most important thing is for the number of strikes to add a sense of consequence, without being overly restrictive.)
No. 3: You have a really, really good writing style. Your story starts out as more descriptive, with lots of minor details present, then begins to drop details as the pace of the story and the action begin to pick up.
Long story short: The story is really well written, you just need a little more help with the "game" aspect, to make this (or its sequel) as good as it can be. Well done overall, though, and I'm looking forward to the next one!
-- MagmaArmor0 on 10/16/2014 7:35:52 PM with a score of 0
This was a good storygame. It was linear but it was more story driven than most. I liked that you didn't rush into the action and gave the readers some solid set up / backstory before getting to the main action. Pretty cool fight towards the end.

There was also a nice twist on a genre/theme that is overused, both on this website and in general.

The writing could have done with more time being spent on it, maybe a little more detailed and more proofreading. I did see your reason for not spending ages on this and that's fine, but maybe more detail would be good for your future stories.
-- 31TeV on 10/11/2014 5:39:04 AM with a score of 0
First off, I'd like to say that as a first attempt at making a story here, this is a solid piece of work. I think it's fairly clever to use the fear mounting for this particular topic and segway into a sci-fi apocalypse of a ... certain nature. :P Trying to avoid spoilers here. At any rate, this is a version of this particular monster that I haven't seen before and it would probably be pretty terrifying in real life.
There's some humor and sentimentality among the blood and the violence, which is always a good thing. There are little tweaks that could be made here and there to improve, but I didn't find any of them terribly critical. I would recommend studying popular works, though. Seasoned writers possess a certain quality of finesse that this work hasn't quite met. You might also want to consider getting a co-writer or a beta-reader to assist you, but you'd have to choose very carefully on that because if you're looking to improve, you need someone who has more experience and when looking for a co-writer, you need someone who can understand your vision and add to it in a good way.
All in all, though, for a first try, let alone the first story you've EVER written according to your end message, it is very good. I find it interesting that you offered the ability to go to the previous page -or- reset in the event of a game over. That's generous to your readers. It doesn't necessarily promote the sense of a challenge, but it makes things less frustrating for people who want a casual gaming experience. Seeing as I played it on a phone which absolutely hates me whenever I try to go back a page, I can appreciate that feature.
Now, as far as the game overs go, I'd recommend that in your sequel, you allow the reader to continue a little further before killing them or giving them a bad ending. It feels linear if you die instantly after making a less optimal choice. xD I realize this may sound a bit cruel, but it's actually interesting to see where your choices can lead you. On that note, I'd also recommend creating multiple endings (good, bad, bittersweet, so on,) rather than just multiple game overs and a single true ending.

Lastly ... *sigh* I am both baffled and disappointed by the comments complaining this is "too religious." So the guy prays a few times and has a vision, so what? He didn't drag your ass to church to sit through a ten page sermon or anything.

You guys are aware that we have entire quizzes devoted to Bible stories and verses, aren't you? That Briar_Rose's Tower of Riddles has an entire puzzle section dedicated to verses which she makes you look up yourself in order to solve it?

You should also realize that tons of games here reference many religions, from Christianity, to Catholicism, to Hinduism, to your garden variety Paganism, to Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and so on. I have NEVER seen any of you complain about them. Further more, he's not bashing other religions and he's not trying to offend anyone.

... Frankly, I'M kind of offended. I know for a fact that there are Christians on this site and some of them would probably like to play this game. Why would you discourage that? It's like with the fan-fiction section. Maybe you hate Doctor Who or you can't stand Pokemon or you find Danny Phantom or Star-wars to be mindless drivel.

Fine. That's okay, but no one twisted your arm to make you play it. Don't say it was "forced" upon you because that's total bullshit. You chose to play it. If it's not your thing, it's fine to say so, but don't bash or discourage someone purely because of what they like or believe in, they have just as much of a right to be here and write whatever they want AS LONG AS it meets site standards.

This story is not filled with horrendous errors, it's not trolling, it's not child-porn, it's not an advertisement, it's not any of the things that are considered unacceptable on this site. It was well-written, especially for a first game, and you guys should be more mature and open-minded than this. -_-'
-- Kiel_Farren on 10/11/2014 3:02:09 AM with a score of 0
Game was a lot of fun. I like how the title tells, kinda offhandedly, what the story offers. Great job! I'm sure this story can get a perfect rating with just a few more choices.
-- Quorrah on 9/15/2018 2:42:15 PM with a score of 0
This is a good first effort. I hope you decide to write more, because I did like your writing style. The story, unfortunately, is very linear. If you stray from the path, you die. In the future, consider branching paths. Instead of all three options outside the store leading to the guy knocking you out, have your story split. What happens if you try going straight after Stephanie? Will you be more successful with supplies from the vehicles? You have great potential with your storytelling, and I hope you continue and grow in your abilities.
-- Glandros on 12/16/2017 3:49:06 AM with a score of 0
What happen to his leg?
-- Arcturus_Starz on 12/14/2017 11:14:40 AM with a score of 0
Really, really great for a first story. Keep writing. :)
-- Lallafa on 11/19/2017 11:46:45 AM with a score of 0
It reminded me of the novel Cell by Stephen King at first, but then the angels differentiated it. I didn't hate it, but it seemed like it was stuck between a zombie apocalypse and a supernatural thriller, like it didn't know what it was. Also it seems kind of weird that you can still die even after the Archangel Michael said he'd be with you, lol. Not bad for a first story, though.
-- Kim on 11/18/2017 9:34:45 AM with a score of 0
Good story. It would have been more interesting with more branching and different possible epilogues.
-- crazygurl on 6/27/2017 6:18:42 PM with a score of 0
I didn't really like it because all I have done so far is die. I need help. I'm stuck on the part where you have to break the window, and I don't have a lot more patience for this game.
-- 248batman16 on 3/10/2017 9:50:27 AM with a score of 0
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