Archangel

Player Rating5.04/8

"#235 overall, #11 for 2014"
based on 118 ratings since 10/08/2014
played 1,382 times (finished 149)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length3/8

"A nice jog down the driveway"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

An apocalyptic adventure about a young man who uses his faith, love, courage, and will to fight his way to saving himself and his wife.

Go easy on me, I've never written a story ever before. Please enjoy and have fun :)

 

Player Comments

The game was amazing and became even better when I realized that this was your first story in general. The length was perfect not to long to bore anyone, and not to short to not even get hooked. The writing is an important part of if a story is going to succeed and do well on this site or not be worth it. And you defiantly have a beautiful writing style. The story was so immersive, and so real just because of how beautiful and powerful your writing style is.
The story was mostly realistic and not wild. If a post-apocalyptic Ebola zombie virus ever happen I wouldn’t be shocked if something like this didn’t happen. Part of it was a bit farfetched though, some of the things that happened where a bit coincidental. And to many coincidences, can lead to someone lowering their rating. So, the next time you work on a story, work on that.
Your grammar for the most part was really good you had a few grammatical mistakes. When it comes to grammar I can’t criticize. I myself am not good with grammar and spelling so I will lay off on that. There was one thing though your ending scene title was spelled wrong. You can’t mess up spelling on those type of things, because it is really, really noticeable.
Now about the semi controversial fact that you added Christian parts to this story, I don’t think there is any problem with it. I am Christian, so I am biased, and I admit it. But the title is archangel nobody who reads the story can get mad because the title implies that it has Christian elements added into it.
The story had some humor in it and was a little funny amidst all of the violence and horror which was a good touch. I like how you somehow fit god into a horror story. And I can’t believe you spent 8 hours on this very impressive.
Lastly next time you write something like this add more choices, I understand that this is more of a emotional story type story game but a piece of advice there isn’t any such thing as too many stories.
-- Davefaster on 6/2/2019 6:31:03 PM with a score of 0
Very good for a first storygame. Unfortunately, my comment will simply repeat what others have said, but these things bear repeating, so here we go.
No. 1: The religious elements. Absolutely, 100% support them. Regardless of my personal views, this site has games with magic, star wars, zombies, and talking animals, so "credibility" or any such argument is moot. Additionally, with a title like "Archangel," it's pretty clear that the story will at least have a religious subtheme. I support the religious aspects in this game, and if there is to be a sequel (as I hope there will be), I hope that it would be maintained.
No. 2: As some people have said, this story is a little railroaded at present. I would recommend something more like a "3 strikes system": each time the player makes a "less-than-ideal" choice, describe them as getting wounded in some way. After the third bad idea, the player actually dies. (Note: 3 is a good number, but not essential. you can have a 2 strikes or 12 strikes system and have it still be effective, but the most important thing is for the number of strikes to add a sense of consequence, without being overly restrictive.)
No. 3: You have a really, really good writing style. Your story starts out as more descriptive, with lots of minor details present, then begins to drop details as the pace of the story and the action begin to pick up.
Long story short: The story is really well written, you just need a little more help with the "game" aspect, to make this (or its sequel) as good as it can be. Well done overall, though, and I'm looking forward to the next one!
-- MagmaArmor0 on 10/16/2014 7:35:52 PM with a score of 0
This was a good storygame. It was linear but it was more story driven than most. I liked that you didn't rush into the action and gave the readers some solid set up / backstory before getting to the main action. Pretty cool fight towards the end.

There was also a nice twist on a genre/theme that is overused, both on this website and in general.

The writing could have done with more time being spent on it, maybe a little more detailed and more proofreading. I did see your reason for not spending ages on this and that's fine, but maybe more detail would be good for your future stories.
-- 31TeV on 10/11/2014 5:39:04 AM with a score of 0
It is well written and a good pace, however, it is so damn linear and with plain characters. One branch seems to be the preferred one by the author and it shows. Overall, good writing but not really a choice fill game.
-- poison_mara on 2/11/2020 3:48:47 PM with a score of 0
I am impressed, and shocked that this is the 1st story the author has ever written. It did lack in choices, but, the content made up for the loss.
The story moved at a decent rate, and kept me engaged. The action was to the point, but detailed enough successfully create an image in my mind of the scenes, and events that took place. I did not wander in thought, and every time I got to an end, I would start over and read for the next option. This is very unlike me. I read every option available and they were all worth the effort to read.
On a personal note, I have a fondness for the Arch's. The use of my favorite Arch was subtle but still powerful enough to generate a hopeful theme to the story. The Arch was depicted perfectly; just as one blessed to be visited may have seen or heard him. I was taken aback by how similar the description was to what is reported in reality. I look forward to reading what this author will write next.
-- oraclemache on 6/6/2019 8:19:17 AM with a score of 0
Holy... shit.... that was amazing.
-- TheGamerWolf on 4/30/2019 1:14:32 AM with a score of 0
Game was a lot of fun. I like how the title tells, kinda offhandedly, what the story offers. Great job! I'm sure this story can get a perfect rating with just a few more choices.
-- Quorrah on 9/15/2018 2:42:15 PM with a score of 0
This is a good first effort. I hope you decide to write more, because I did like your writing style. The story, unfortunately, is very linear. If you stray from the path, you die. In the future, consider branching paths. Instead of all three options outside the store leading to the guy knocking you out, have your story split. What happens if you try going straight after Stephanie? Will you be more successful with supplies from the vehicles? You have great potential with your storytelling, and I hope you continue and grow in your abilities.
-- Glandros on 12/16/2017 3:49:06 AM with a score of 0
What happen to his leg?
-- Arcturus_Starz on 12/14/2017 11:14:40 AM with a score of 0
Really, really great for a first story. Keep writing. :)
-- Lallafa on 11/19/2017 11:46:45 AM with a score of 0
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