Lily's story.

Player Rating1.68/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 24 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

You are the runt of the litter. You are constantly being picked on by your siblings. You can either become a ruthless blood thirsty monster or a sweet peaceful wolf. Choose wisely.

Player Comments

Ummm... why does everything alive apparently wants to kill the protagonist? Also, why does the father wolf/psychopath throw Lily into a stream when he could simply kill her and eat her? (That seems like a much more wolf-like thing to do especially since wolves normally do not try to drown their pups.)
Also, I think the maturity level rating might be a little low considering almost every page seemingly deals with death, dying, or survival.
-- WouldntItBeNice on 2/8/2016 11:17:45 PM
There are no words to describe how confused I am after reading that.
-- hayesa on 2/8/2016 5:02:00 PM
I would also add that you/your family/your friends all getting on to give your story 8 stars is a thing that's frowned upon here, and also very obvious. It's the sort of thing that makes people want to change their rating to a lower one to counteract that sort of thing.

And while I'm writing this, another thing about the story I wanted to mention was the oddness of having all the wolves fighting by slashing each other with their claws. Which...if you've ever seen a wolf, or even a dog, I'd assume you realize that's not how they work.
-- mizal on 2/8/2016 3:06:06 PM
Points for having an attempt at some kind of actual story here, that's more than what most others writing in the 'animal perspective' genre bother with.

It was never explained why the puppy's entire family was trying to murder them, nor how they escaped near drowning, ran into some other wolves, and immediately was able to kill their leader despite still being a puppy just a short time ago.

Things like 'randomly rip the leaders throat out' are also choices readers might appreciate making themselves instead of being a thing that just happens after choosing a conversation topic about something unrelated. In fact that's something I'd say was much more important to a story like this then what gender of puppy they had after (presumably?) hooking up with some other random wolf. (which was another thing readers weren't allowed a choice about...)

A few capitalization and punctuation errors, but for the most part the technical parts of the writing were well done, it's just the plot and the pacing and some logic issues you need to work on.
-- mizal on 2/8/2016 3:02:35 PM
No. That account is my sister's. However I first saw this and signed up. She made her own story and told me to play it. As I did so I kept dieing. So she made me her Co-Author. No I did not make her account she made it herself and needs me to help with the stories. And again no I didn't make her account. If you don't believe me fine but seriously I did not I repeat DID NOT make her account.
-- Scarletthewolf on 2/8/2016 10:44:04 AM
No, you're spot on as always Briar. ^v^
-- BerkaZerka on 2/8/2016 6:17:14 AM
Now I might be turning into one of those crazy conspiracy theory people but... Is 51633 an alt you came up with to make your own games look better by comparison? :p
-- Briar_Rose on 2/8/2016 5:23:34 AM
13 blank page dead-ends. Thirteen. Do not publish incomplete games, it's against site policy.

If you need another reason: http://chooseyourstory.com/help/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=4046

-- Kiel_Farren on 2/7/2016 11:31:35 PM
Perhaps there is more in other paths, but I didn't really see a lot going on here. These 'Life of a Generic Animal' games almost always go the same and are typically quite dull. The writing wasn't necessarily bad, and it was probably better than the majority of animal games I've read here. But there really wasn't anything special going on. Their were some grammar and spelling issues that could be addressed as well. You need separate paragraphs for different speakers of dialogue.

I didn't run into any dead links, blank pages, or 'to be continued' crap, so that was nice. But from your own comments, it sounds like when you published this that there were a few such pages. I just don't understand why you would consider publishing a story that doesn't have all of its ends tied up in the first place. There really isn't anything wrong with making a story shorter than your initial ambition, but the story needs to be complete in one sense or another before publishing. Unless you're on your deathbed, and I sincerely hope you are not, you are under no deadline to complete and publish a story here. Take your time and write the best story you can.
-- Bucky on 2/7/2016 10:46:15 PM
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