Player Rating5.87/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 13 ratings since 08/30/2020
played 195 times (finished 16)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
Strength of body, strength of will. Both are required. A man's freedom depends on his willingness to act, to rise against those who would place him in chains. Small choices add up, building towards differing outcomes. In the moment, one does not often know the implications of his actions. Inevitably, all is revealed. Author's Note: There are several "cinematic" links in the story. You will have the option to view multiple events happening simultaneously. While not adding to the branching, they do offer deeper insight into the story.

Player Comments

First of all, thanks for writing this game. This review is separated into notes to the player and notes for the author.

Notes to the player:
The story is good, and it entertained me. I thought it was told decently well. The game doesn't branch often. What exactly occurs when clicking a link is sometimes unclear; it could be additional exposition, or it could progress the story.

The writing uses a lot of commas and there is the occasional cliched phrase now and then. The author made sure to groom away spelling and grammar mistakes, so there aren't many left. You should be able to read without being too distracted by slip-ups in the writing.

Notes for the author:
You have some nice imagery and unique similes. I can appreciate the way you switch between characters, describing the fates of 2 specific, potentially unrelated characters while controlling only one. This is the first story I've read that does that. Game-wise, I would consider making the next story branch a little more frequently to provide more of that CYOA experience. It's often unclear what will occur if I click a hyperlink. Will I be getting more exposition, moving the story along, or both? When the options are listed like single-word topics, The ambiguity is causing me to lose some sense of control when I go to click an option.

The writing could use a little work. Sometimes, imagery is applied in places where it serves to take the focus away from the main elements of the story. For example, a lot of detail was provided for the Sea Breeze inn about its accommodations, which were fully removed from the story. There are a few places where wrong-word substitution occurs, e.g. "formally" instead of "formerly", and "lightless" when "weightless" would be expected. Phrasing can sometimes be awkward (e.g. "as of" when "as if" should be used). Word repetition occurs with pretty high frequency -- not as a stylistic choice, it seems. Try to watch for the use of the same word and find synonyms to use instead. You can alternatively try a pronoun. Comma splices occur with some decent regularity. I would suggest going over Gower's writing advice articles. As an aside, the exact phrase "burst of motion" is used enough times that I noticed it.
-- AnthonyScoffler on 9/28/2020 4:06:11 AM with a score of 0
Show All Comments