OUTBREAK: Chapter 1

a Horror by TLAW

Player Rating3.19/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 64 ratings since 12/28/2015
played 641 times (finished 94)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

You're name is Trevor. An 8th grader who attends Middle School. It was an average spring school day; Good weather, students mingling in the halls between classes, studying for finals, the usual. Until shit finally hit the fan.

You are in control as you have to make difficult (or simple) decisions that will dictate whether you and your small band of survivors will live or die.

This is my first story here on CYS. So I will gladly take criticism. Have fun!

Player Comments

This had a lot of flaws.

First of all, there was the constant swearing, and it felt as if you used words like "fuck," and "ass," more then any other words in the whole story. It feels like there was an attempt to make it feel mature, but that attempt failed in my opinion.

It was a pretty cliche zombie story, and a more original plot might be necassary. You could still write about zombies, but this feels like the same old zombie story i've seen a hundred times.

Multiple spelling errors appeared throughout the story, but this can be easily fixed with proofreading.

I didn't notice much emotion other then anger, which is mainly only there due to the swearing every sentence.

Overall, the writing is not exactly bad, but it needs some work and more character development.

I'll give it a 2/8, don't rush and word hard please :)
-- MinnieKing on 3/28/2017 1:10:34 AM
I enjoyed it. It's pretty good compared to some of the terrible stuff being put out. It was enjoyable, and a very good start to what could be a long writing career.
I think you shouldn't have published it, though. Not because it's not good, but because quite frankly it's unfinished. A lot of people create Chapter 1's of stories that they never finish, leaving the reader unsatisfied. I know there's always a rush to put out what you've created, God knows I've rushed through the ends of games, but I think you just need to hold tough and keep working. Now, if a game is reached the length of 7/8 or 8/8, then I understand a need to break it up, but if it's shorter, it can stick together.
Anyway, good work, I enjoyed it and think it's a great first work from what could be a great author. 5/8
-- Steve24833 on 12/29/2015 2:00:02 PM
It was okay, I guess. Like a lot of stories it is plagued with linearity, and also like a lot of stories, the author gives the illusion of choice when in reality a lot of the choices were either continue the story or die, and/or they had no affect on the story's direction. This defeats the purpose of interactive fiction, which is supposed to encourage mutliple, sprawling branches of storytelling. The characters are shallow and flat, and cliche (the average-joe protaganist, the idiot ladies-man, the nerd who they occasionally sacrifice, really this was the best you could come up with?). I did not care for them much, at all. I also wish I got to see life before the outbreak.

That said, the story was kind of humorous and I liked that, though at times the humor seemed kinda forced, like the usage of 'nigga' which CAN be funny in certain contexts, this was not one of them however. This story was also fairly well-written, though I did notice some typos here and there.

So if you want my advice, I suggest you unpublish this story. Instead of writing a chapter 2, you make this story have multiple, diverse endings, and more depth, especially to the plot and characters. 3/8
-- FazzTheMan on 12/29/2015 2:17:34 AM
"Bret might have escaped, but you didn't, and you died. So na na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. Get pwned."

Well, that's an ending you don't see every day.
-- Saika on 8/4/2017 5:10:41 AM
Great!
-- Milli on 5/14/2017 7:55:25 AM
It was good except for a few typos but overall it was good
-- Calvin on 1/19/2017 9:49:03 AM
make more
-- matt on 2/17/2016 6:34:07 PM
This was an "okay" story. There were multiple grammatical and spelling errors. It would also help if you would include a little more detail. Good job though.

5/8
-- ZagHero on 1/29/2016 10:48:22 PM
I think you did really well for your first story. It could be longer and needs to be edited though. It was a good story though. Definitely a good start and with work could be really great.
-- breezy134 on 1/21/2016 12:58:53 PM
Awesome. Make more
-- ketienya on 1/8/2016 4:27:26 AM
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