, #12 for
played 1,157 times (finished 160)
"run through the jungle"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
This is a fairly short but a (kind of) humorous game. Enjoy. Also this is my first game ever.
I was overall annoyed while playing throughout this storygame, mainly because of the spammy punctuation (such as multiple exclamation points), linear writing, and a lack of detail.
The choices sometimes made absolutely no logical sense, like singing underwater while you drown. This also made for a illogical scene because you'd drown before you could finish a song underwater.
The humor was sorta lolrandom and didn't appeal to me, and it seemed like maybe a young child would enjoy it. The maturity rating could have been bumped down a bit :P
There was sorta only one path, so I don't see why you even attempted at branching if you're just gonna make almost every link lead to death.
I liked the plot and setting, but not well fleshed out. More development and detail would have really made my rating rise for this storygame.
on 3/21/2017 9:22:09 PM with a score of 0
Well, it seemed a bit linear to me, but there was one place I seemed to be able to choose more than one option and live. I am guessing you were going for a dream-state type of place, as the objects/creatures/choices inside had no particular reasoning to them, but in my humble opinion, even in a dream state, there would be some sort of thread holding things together, even if said thread wasn't at all apparent. Without some sort of thread, though, one doesn't tend to care what happens. Still a better effort than a lot I've read, hoping to see some more.
on 10/6/2010 6:10:39 PM with a score of 0
It was alright, never really captured my attention or had me enticed on wanting to know what was going to happen next, nor was it ever laugh-out-loud funny. I did notice that you usually had 3 links with 2 that went to end game links and the other that went to a new page and so on and so forth. Why write a CYOA if you're just going to give one path? :P
No, seriously, this is what we call "linear", try and avoid it because it completely and utterly destroys immersion. Great first attempt at a game though and I enjoy your writing style. I think that your personal shortcomings fall into the category of what Endmaster does best, so I would suggest reading Ground Zero by the aforementioned Legend, in order to further enhance your abilities.
on 6/16/2010 8:15:22 PM with a score of 0
on 10/8/2020 1:24:55 PM with a score of 0
Well. This was torturous.
on 5/25/2020 6:05:44 PM with a score of 0
Alright this is a tough one to comment on in my opinion.
The way it is done it seems to be an example of how a CYOA should not be done.
There was no real plot in this. It was just a combination of ridiculous scenes and situations that were not even funny (in my taste at least).
There is just one thing happening after the other with no connection or story behind it.
Was this supposed to be a crazy dream? or maybe a drug trip?
The grammar did not seem to be to complex. I did not find any spelling mistakes that disturbed the flow of the story, but then again I could not find any flow in this story at all so I guess that kind of works the same way.
The story also seemed to be awfully linear. Most pages had about three choices with two of them leading to straight out death. You can offer choices where only one leads further along the story, but overdoing it just makes the whole thing boring. Also half of the choices seemed so random they made absolutely no sense. Why would I sing a song while drowning? How can I even sing while I am drowning?
I guess that does lead to a dream or something but it was not funny.
If it is not even funny and has no plot then in my opinion there is not much value in the story itself except as a bad example for new writers of what to avoid.
2/8 from me for the sad attempt to produce just something here in order to make your profile look less empty.
on 3/11/2020 5:04:13 AM with a score of 0
One word: Mushrooms.
on 6/9/2018 7:55:07 AM with a score of 0
Doesn't make any sense at all but its good for a nonsensical short read
on 5/12/2018 4:26:11 PM with a score of 0
Crap. In my other comment, I mean "This is a very annoying story-form." Sorry for double-commenting.
on 12/2/2016 7:08:20 PM with a score of 0
This is a very thing story. Except one, every link on most pages (or all?) caused you to die/fail/end game. People don't usually like reading these games.
Some of the options were actually quite amusing, but there was no purpose for the storygame to exist in the first place other than assisting people in point-farming, creating (or lowering) your foundation for your platform on CYS, and getting 10-point satisfaction in 30 minutes.
Again, if this was humorous enough, the plot is usually allowed to go out the window, but it's not--it's a half-hearted attempt.
on 12/2/2016 7:06:38 PM with a score of 0
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