Rising Flames

Player Rating5.83/8

"#93 overall, #14 for 2012"
based on 232 ratings since 03/24/2013
played 5,417 times (finished 255)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

You are a young man who has been working hard jobs for years in the middle of no-where to keep yourself fed and save up enough to move back to the city where you were born.  You face many mundane seeming choices at the beginning but they lead down different paths that can alter the story and show major events from very different viewpoints. A few of the paths even reveal the not so mundane happenings that are starting to stir in the world and sweep you up in them.

There are several "endings" that you can find and many ways to die. The 3 main endings: There is a strangely happy ending that I wrote in just because even in fantasy stories people deserve a chance to just settle down and let the world pass by. A second best ending and the best ending (It tells you its the best/2nd best). Good Luck!

This is a first attempt and will undergo many changes so be patient with it, but also be brutally honest with any comments as it/I wont improve if you pull your punches.

Big thanks to Gidgy and Aman for help with editing and proofreading! (There will still be some small mistakes in there but it was just time that I actually published it.)

Player Comments

Good:
1. Creativity and imagination
2. Length
3. Death scenes were well done
4. Romance writing

Bad:
1. Proofreading and grammar was poor

Ugly:
1. Overall formatting

Overall, as is, a rough draft of an excellent story.
-- urnam0 on 7/5/2013 10:56:49 PM
First I'd like to say that I think you're an excellent writer, but I am going to be very critical of this story if only because I think that you have the potential to make it a whole lot better. Here's a few things that I think would help this story.
1. Give the reader a better idea of who the main character is, his background, his personality. If we feel we know who the character is, it'll make us care about him more.
2. Get to the action quicker. The writing is really good and I did enjoy what I read, but people sometimes get bored at the beginning of a story if there isn't some kind of interesting hook, or a sense that something big is about to happen.
3. Always, always, always get someone to proof read. While your spelling and handwriting is pretty good, sometimes the keyboard keys don't do what our fingers tell them to and a letter is missed out of a word or a sentence starts without a capital letter and that happened quite a lot in this story. I'd be more than happy to proof read the story for you if you like.
Again, I think you're a great writer and this is a great story, but I think you have the potential to be better than great. ^_^
-- Briar_Rose on 11/22/2012 7:38:57 PM
The story was tough for me to follow because the grammar needs improvement. The big thing is the lack of commas, but there are occasional misspellings (painfull) as well as the common your-you're mix-up. Also, some of the sentences could have been reworded (one sentence started by saying some roads had changed, only for it to say the roads were UNchanged), and I feel there could have been more description. For two final nit-picks, even though I'm using a lot of parentheses in my comment, somehow I don't like seeing them used in the storygame to denote how much money you got, and I don't think people are gonna like the page numbers on every title. That aside, I...admittedly didn't experience the better part of the game, so I didn't rate it. I made it pretty quickly to a bad ending where everything burns. The world you've made seems interesting, and I'll probably play again if some mistakes get corrected; I'm genuinely interested to learn WHY everything caught on fire in my ending, and to see where fantasy elements really come into play. That's what a good story does; build intrigue. So anyway, good luck in your storygame-making endeavors!
-- Trish on 11/22/2012 7:37:53 PM
This was a good story, short and a lot of grammar mistakes.
-- Golden on 3/1/2019 7:41:34 PM
It's a short enjoyable story. A solid simple plot that you can choose to involve yourself in or avoid entirely.
-- DerPrussen on 2/6/2019 11:22:21 PM
Cool!
-- Melissa on 6/7/2018 3:30:28 PM
"Ending 2
THIS IS THE SECOND BEST ENDING, THE SOLDIERS ENDING.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Once in Carn you are taken before the king and your leader makes his report after presenting the documents. King Hader immediately sends them to his scribes who make several copies and over the next few days they are smuggled out of Carn to all near-by kingdoms. King Hader also sends several emissaries to your City and is finally granted a cease-fire when one of your kings high council personally intervenes and tells the king that the council had been blocking Carn's requests and emissaries from reaching him. The Councilor was in fact your proprietor and was able to tell the king some of the truth of the situation.



Once the king knows he was being lied to he immediately took control of the military and ordered a cease-fire and confined the council to chambers under guard until he had found out the truth. And once the truth came out the entire council bar one was hung from the city gates. Peace was made between the two kingdoms and it was all due to you hearing your captain talk about his love of rocks."
-- TestingJest on 12/21/2017 1:33:55 AM
Seriously? barely 10 minutes in and I already find myself dead. TWICE.

The story seems promising enough. Having a miner protagonist is something I haven't seen before. The grammar is fairly decent, no mistakes eyesore enough to hinder my reading. Still, it needs improvement.

However... I still do NOT see the point of placing death so early in-game, WITHOUT warning. Sure, this might be rated 6/8 in difficulty but come on! What's so wrong with working in the Northern Mine, after you've made it so tempting? Then when you restart and turn back, I get robbed and turned into a human pincushion. Blah.

At the very least I found 2 of the death endings.

-- ShadowStriker113 on 5/14/2017 8:58:00 AM
Overall a good game. A tad linear with tons of disappointing outcomes, and several major decisions that are made irrelevant and end on the same path. Still a good game and enjoyable. Some proof reading could help but nothing too grizzly. A solid effort that I would have given a 4-5 but added the extra ranks because I felt that the creator really tried to deliver and did a reasonable job at it. It could easily earn the extra stars on merit if some of the choices offered actual branches or didn't just take you to the same fate.
-- kyo787 on 4/11/2017 2:58:44 PM
Endmaster had better watch his tail, I think you could give him a run for his money!
-- Reaver17 on 3/25/2017 7:52:01 PM
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