The Exploits of Fail-Man

Player Rating4.83/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 20 ratings since 09/15/2017
played 204 times (finished 22)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

This is a story about the exploits of Fail-Man.

This game has two real endings. This is also my first story. I hope you like it!

This is a contest entry to BZ's Summer Slam Contest!

Player Comments

The first time I read this, I found it hilarious and started laughed at every other page. Now I'm reading it seriously and, uh, not so much. Despite only having two real endings, there are multiple plotlines interwoven in the story, which is a treat for the reader to experience.

The grammar is a bit of a mess, especially on the first page. The writing switches between present tense and past tense at one point, but thankfully it doesn't continue the trend.

It was interesting that you have one plotline where a major character dies, and another branch where they can survive. All from the contest of one phone call. The characters were intriguing, but most of them weren't around for very long. I especially enjoyed Reggie's teammates and was glad to see more of them throughout the story. I think you did very well at introducing new characters - by the end of the first page, I was already warming to them.

Not really a fan of Mia though. I mean, when the reader first meets her, she's throwing verbal abuse at Reggie and being a total shithead to him. So later on, when I find her dead, why should I want to get revenge? I've never even see her good side. She simply isn't developed very much at that point, and now she's dead. Maybe there wasn't enough time for that, I don't know.

Even if I do save her from being taken hostage, I don't remember her being particularly grateful to me. In fact, the opposite happens and she leaves me, which was a bit of a dick move considering I saved her from being shot. I guess Mia could have been handled better. At least she does turn up again later, so there is still potential.

Really, my biggest gripe with the story is something of a formatting issue: there are huge spaces between every paragraph or so. I have to scroll down for about five minutes to get to the end of one page, and it's like that for the whole storygame.

What's more, there's not a lot of choices. Having multiple pages with no choices at all isn't exactly going to hold the attention of your readers. There's nothing wrong with a bit of length, but I went through about four pages in a row at one point and all of them were filled with tons of spaces with no choices. Even "fake" choices are better than nothing (and I know I saw a few like that).

Still, there were time restraints and the amount of content is what makes up for it.

I'm not entirely sure whether this storygame is a parody or not. Sometimes there's jokes thrown around and swearing galore, and everything's hilarious...and then the next moment, you're in jail and all these guys are threatening you with rape.

One example of this: the scene about catching Deus having gay sex with a man just comes out of nowhere. I don't know if it was supposed to be funny (I didn't laugh) but the way that Deus just brushes it off and acts like it's entirely normal just looks plain weird. Like sure, he's being fucked by a guy in the same room, but he's just so casual about it when you see him. Like it's no big deal that you saw him, like maybe he just goes around sleeping with men all the time. Oh, I don't know. I'm just glad there was a point to it.

Overall, you had some great plots and characters going on here, but not a lot of choices to keep the reader occupied. For a first story, it's pretty good and I would like to see more stories from you.
-- Saika on 10/11/2017 12:09:44 PM
Some mistakes here and there, but the story and wit are pretty good. 5/8
-- Victim on 9/28/2017 6:33:30 PM
This clearly suffered from time constraints, seeing as how there were many pages which didn't even have options to choose from. I also feel as if a lot of the scenes were generally pointless (like Dues and the stranger... what was that??). However, I did find myself laughing on occasion and I like the quirkiness of the concept. I also thought the ending was really clever. I believe this game could have been really decent if more work had been put into it.
-- p1_tjc on 9/21/2017 7:47:06 PM
At first this sounded like it would be one of those horrendously random stories...but you did a very good job. The dialogue was interesting, and while I felt like there weren't as many choices as there could have been, it was still a great story. The cannon ending #1 kind of took me by surprise..but good twist.
-- corgi213 on 9/16/2017 4:23:50 PM
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