The Monster near the Village

Player Rating3.83/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 20 ratings since 07/24/2019
played 192 times (finished 24)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

You are a boy who goes to the cave near your village to kill the monster who lives there. Will you be able to do it?

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I started writing this series years ago. I really didn't want to leave it unfinished, so I finished it after all this time. I apologize if there's any inconsistencies, I tried to catch what I could but it's hard when you're coming back to a story after so much time has passed. I would really appreciate some constructive criticism in the comments, I've always wanted to become a good writer it's just very hard for me to finish things I've started because I lose confidence in my writing. Thank you for reading!

Player Comments

This story first came across to me at first as light-hearted and easy-going but as I kept reading, I found that there was a lot more to it.

There was a lot of nice description throughout the story, and was clear the author has a good grasp of how to write well. I liked these descriptions and felt like they could’ve been implemented a bit more throughout the story, as the ‘what makes us so bad?’ path felt particularly lacking in that aspect.

I really liked how the monster spoke in rhymes and thought it added something unique to the story. It also added to the sort of special feeling the monster had, as the monster was the only one in the story who had dialogue done like that since dialogue from the mother and protagonist etc were normal. (…. although the author could benefit from punctuating properly when breaking up talking- e.g “Koletis!" you heaved in between breaths{,} "It's not safe here for you! People are looking for you! You have to leave!"- see the comma there!).

It was short, but I wouldn’t really say it is too short. There was enough writing before every ending to make a fully fleshed story, no matter which choices were made. However, I did feel that some branches were significantly more well-written and detailed than the others but suspect that to be down to coming back to the story after a long period of time.

I did find it a little bit weird how one choice led to the character lying in a pool of blood and… enjoying it? That just kind of came across weird. I don’t think anyone would really enjoy snow-angel-ing in blood, unless they’re some sort of psychopath. The character in the story was definitely not a psychopath, so it was a bit odd.
I also did think the jumping off the cliff ending was perhaps a bit much. I get that what led up to that was really upsetting for the main character, but ending on a suicide, particularly a cliff suicide, is a little bit overdone around these parts.

The branching style used in this story was my favourite and meant that I could keep reading through it without experiencing any repetition and I could keep finding new paths. My favourite branches where when the protagonist befriends the monster (and they both survive!). It was just cute and heart-warming that the protagonist found a friend in the monster and his initial violent plans were forgotten due to the friendship that is developed.

Overall, a good read. It was nice, simple story that I found was easy to read through without any difficulty or confusion, with a variety of endings and branches.
-- ghost11 on 7/31/2019 4:37:28 AM with a score of 0
Overall, this story was a gigantic success. It was tragic and really let you inside the characters head. There were plenty of options that drastically changed the story’s plot.
I only found three problems-
1.I didn’t choose to jump of a cliff. It would have been great if I could’ve chosen that.
2. It was either leave my mother or kill her. Forgiveness is always a choice.
3. Just a few grammar mistake, mostly typos I’m sure.

I’d like you to know this is only the third story out of all that I’ve read that I’m giving an 8/8. The others were the Knight Order of the Golden Sun and Inepta Academy. For the whole “monster-killing, traditional fantasy” theme, this is the best CYS I’ve read. Congrats!!
-- everyone’s_a_critic on 2/18/2020 4:59:44 PM with a score of 0
A well written story. The author messed up a few times with past and present tense at the beginning but it's a well thought out and written story.
-- DerPrussen on 8/6/2019 5:31:43 PM with a score of 0
I liked this story with how the author wanted to convey a bit more thoughtful feeling than most here. The fact that the choices actually branched helped too. While I did notice a few grammar errors, it didn't detract from the story itself.
-- WouldntItBeNice on 8/5/2019 5:48:54 PM with a score of 0
Not bad, for a short bit of diversionary reading. The biggest flaw I noticed were the constant shifts between present tense and past tense. Some of the rhymes seemed a little forced, but overall this was an interesting little tale.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 7/24/2019 11:58:10 PM with a score of 0
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