9/9/2025

9/9/2025 11:06 AM

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Warden

I'm here to give you feedback on your work! First of all, I'd like to say that this is an excellent start! Coming back to the feedback, I think the first mistake (or something you can change) is that everything in the story happens too fast. The story starts with the main character angry; then he bandages up his torn-up leg, and, in his anger, he kicks at the ground. He is trying to kick something soft, but out of pure coincidence, he happens to kick a metal box. After some yelling, he starts to dig up what his toe hit (the metal box), but what is it? A VR headset and a USB! The protagonist immediately decides to activate the USB and then puts on the VR headset. I know it's a story, but the odd part is we put on the VR headset we found in the middle of nowhere (I assume it could be a forest) immediately. It moves WAY too fast; I hope you edit those parts. Your story is shaping up well!