elad771, The Contributor
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This is my first story/game I ever made. Criticizing is encouraged.
About the story-
Live in a mind of a wizard in his forties, which somehow got stuck in a dimension worst than hell, though filled with mushrooms. Its also a metaphor for the Labyrinths of choices which are our live, or whatever.
When Ezekiel almost gave up on creating with science a living organism, something strange happened. Shmorps, he called them. He was not sure what's their purpose, but he was sure that they had one. One can't just be blurted out from the abyss with no sufficient reason behind it.
This is an entry for Endmaster's Prompt Contest, following the following prompt-
"A story where a mad scientist has just created a new ... animal? species? creature? race? Whatever it is, she has an army of them, and things aren't ever going to be the same."
Oh No! The Fat Monarch threw you to the vaults! Try to survive and thrive by eating blue moss off the walls, looting bad guys and bonding with companions you might find even in the darkest of places. If you let yourself, you might find the unfathomable truths of The Vaults.
Disclaimer! This is more of an RPG than a story, don't expect anything different.
Recent PostsEndMaster's Prompt Contest on 5/19/2022 6:55:09 PM
Is it possible to switch to 31? I have a half finished story from the last contest about the Arthurian legends with time traveling merlin and shit. That's why I chose 3 initially, but 31 could work as well.
Actually, if I expand on a story I started before, would it still qualify? If it doesn't, would it still help me climb out of the shame pit?
EndMaster's Prompt Contest on 5/17/2022 4:11:02 PM
EndMaster's Prompt Contest on 5/17/2022 4:05:30 PM
I'd like to order one number three, please.
Bribery Opportunity & Beta-reader Request on 4/17/2022 5:49:10 PM
I seemed to have stumbled upon a link loop after studying the 'keen eyesight' scoll. It goes Study the scroll ->(return) Manage scrolls & spells ->...Stats -> (Back to game) Study the scroll
Wait, I think I know what is the problem. When one uses the stat book thing, make sure they can't use it again while it's open, or else the saved return page would end up saving a page in the book creating a loop.
Also I think in Rules-> Spellcasting you wrote
You cast spells with your “mana” total. Your maximum mana score is determined by your four mental ability scores, charisma, will, intellect and precision. Max mana = (charisma + will + intellect + precision) x3, with negative scores counted as 0s. You can regain expended mana, but you can’t exceed your total mana.
But the fourth mental ability score is perception. Hope this helps
What are your CYS ability scores? on 2/18/2022 2:39:58 PM
I'm a level three Lurker, and find it difficult to decide which abillity scores my class actually uses... Probably just Discernment if anything. Also what does it mean if my sanity shows a negative number? Is that good for a min-max build?
Agreena results on 2/17/2022 10:28:12 AM
Thank you for the review Green! I had no idea that there was a simpson episode related to the title, the connection to donuts makes sense though, I guess.
Funny thing is, the first idea I was considering was making a horror fanfic about 'The man in the yellow hat' from Curious George. (making tmwtyh sacrifice George to some eldrich abomination/diety or something, and connecting it somehow to the fact he is always wearing yellow cloths). So you were right to some extend with your suspisions. I sure am glad I didn't go for that one. Haha.. yeah. (glances rapidly to the 400 words written about it)
I'm glad you liked the eye motif, and Mishel's character change. I also got connected to the characters' relationship haha.
About the city thing, my first idea was completely different. But when I wrote Mishel's first vision, I realised I was already a 1000 words deep so I better make her dream related somhow and wrap it up lol. That's why it probabliy felt rushed/with not enough meat.
I feel like the ending was rather open, and not that scary. If I were ever to go back and clean stuff I would describe more the city, and try to give a reason to why Mishel was the only one that managed to wake up till now, and what happened to the other people in coma. Are they still in this city, wandering aimlessly until they would ask someone for directions and wake up? It would probably be something like this-
Over the next few days Mishel didn’t feel like eating much. She refused all the press and media, not feeling like talking much about what happened. She just wanted to snuggle in bed, left alone for a time being. Even the visit from her sister, Hellen, who apparently flew half the world to come and see her, only managed to cheer her up momentarily. Her stomach ached at the thought of the skeletal gaze. Why her? What do they want? And why was she the only one to wake up?
She didn’t want to know the answers to those questions, but her thoughts kept creeping back to her lengthy dream. It was four a.m. when Mishel watched the clear night sky from the hospital window. The moon shined on the endless desert sea, showing the winds engulfing paths of travel that will never be seen again. Dread suddenly struck her, devouring what little feelings of comfort she had left. And she wondered. She wondered how long it would take the others to go and ask for directions.
Besides that, I'm actually glad I finished something. Thanks again for the feedback!
Quite new. on 2/10/2022 3:51:20 AM
Welcome! Hope you enjoy your time here. As for your questions I think you would find Endmaster's article useful.
Agreena results on 2/4/2022 3:34:56 PM
Thanks for hosting Green. I was pleasantly surprised by how fun it was to write and actually complete something for a change!
And of course congrats to Gryphon, Wizzy and anyone who managed to turn anything in.
Ebon’s duels (welcome to the Agreena): on 1/16/2022 11:21:46 AM
Thank you! Then let's put Green's love of reading to the ultimate test.
Ebon’s duels (welcome to the Agreena): on 1/15/2022 2:52:17 PM
Hi, would like to enter as well if you still have room for one more.