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A simpleton has made a post. Do you:

Mock the Simpleton? (Go to page 84)
Ignore the Simpleton? (Go to page 33)
Respectfully Interact with the Simpleton? (Go to page 666)

Mock the Simpleton.

                                                 84

You decide to try raise your CYS cred by mocking someone who you perceive as having lower status than yourself.

You viciously attack the simple noob who doesn’t really understand your sudden outburst of verbal abuse.

When the noob questions why you’re attacking, you tell your target because you weren’t around to discipline them after you repeatedly had sexual relations with their mother of loose moral values, so you’re making up for lost time because obviously without a father figure to raise them right, they grew up to be a faggot.

It’s not the most original of insults, but it’s enough to get a bit of attention by some of the older members who believe you might show promise. Not so much in the intelligence department since they still don’t think much of you either, but you briefly provided some entertainment.

CYS Cred +3
Edgelord +10
SJW -20

Yessss. On my way to being a respected member.

Ignore the Simpleton.

                                                33

You see no reason involve yourself with some simple noob. He hasn’t been annoying enough to draw your ire and he’s certainly not interesting enough to interact with on any positive level.

You go back to your usual routine of browsing the forums and doing nothing of any worth at all. Your efforts do not provide any major result other than maintaining a low profile which is a lot more than can be said for the simple noob who managed to draw negative attention with his silly thread post.

You read the derailed thread with interest and learn something about what not to do around here.

CYS Cred +0
Site Knowledge +3
Visibility -5

... Uh... Respectfully Interact with the Simpleton?

                                                 666

This place has too much negativity towards noobs and too much negativity in general. Things could certainly be better if people were more welcoming.

You start by giving some advice to the simple noob,

Unfortunately the noob responds in a nonsensical manner causing another member to question the noob’s intelligence level. This in turn results in more members joining in on the fun.

The noob responds, but is making a pitiful showing of defending himself. In fact it could be wondered if he understands at all. Since you’d rather not see this type of dog piling you speak up and scold one of the louder mockers stating that everyone starts as a noob at some point and treating them like this isn’t helping anything.

The lead mocking member sneers at your attempts at civility and proceeds to mock YOU instead. You attempt to appeal to reason, but it’s too late, the other members have already joined in and they aren’t stopping.

Meanwhile the simple noob has abandoned his own thread. Whether he just was confused by the whole incident or realized what not to do around here hardly matters, you became the target and your virtual rape is the result of your unwise course of action.

CYS Cred -200
White Knight +20
Butthurt +200

:(

Tim is worse off than he was before. Do you:

Hand him a belt? (go to page 45)
Sympathize with him? (go to page 13)
Vote to ban him? (go to page 69)

Hand him a belt.

Sorry 'bout this Tim...

Vote to ban. Sorry Tim best opption left.

                                            69

You’re not going to just sit here and take this abuse! You’re going to defend yourself!

You take on the lead mocking member head on hoping that by eliminating the main threat, the rest will shut up and fall in line since it’s obvious that the only sort of law around here is being a bigger asshole than everyone else.

You do okay, but the problem is just sheer numbers. Nobody is on your side and nobody is swayed by your arguments. Your CYS cred is not nearly large enough to take you seriously. You’re barely above the noob you attempted to defend (who has long since abandoned his own thread) and with your current actions you’re actually far below him now.

You’re not a respected writer, you’re not a respected poster, you’re not favored by the admins, not even the favorite site idiot. Right now all you look like is a whining faggot.

Getting frustrated you begin to lash out at the entire site and call it a frathouse filled with cunts. You don’t even give a shit about the noob anymore, this is about WINNING. You degenerate into name calling and don’t bother making any logical arguments because your original point has been abandoned.

Your antics are most amusing and you manage to draw the entire site’s attention. Nobody is on your side of course, and you’re enjoying every minute of it, but you’re already on the fast track to self destruction when you attract the attention of one of the admins.

After tolerating your exercise in failing hard, you’re banned and there is much rejoicing.

You immediately make several alts which are in turn banned in quick succession. Eventually your mother tells you that it’s time for bed and you’ll have to talk with your little internet friends another time.

You obey, but you go to sleep vowing that one day you WILL destroy CYS. You then proceed to dream your petty dreams of pointless internet revenge and cats in lingerie.

***************** YOU HAVE BEEN PERMABANNED **************

CYS Cred -300
Attention Whore +1000
Spam +10000

Final Rank: Cat Enthusiast

??I may be per banned in the story but can I continue?

I refuse to accept that this is the end, and instead turn to page 44 to make a YouTube video demonstrating my hacking prowess and try to use it to intimidate the site.

                                                       44


**********CYS HARD MODE********

Refusing to accept defeat even in permaban state, you quickly take you first steps towards revenge against CYS. For some reason you believe the best way to do this is to make a Youtube video going on about exactly what you plan on doing.

You initial idea is to display how you exactly plan on hacking the site, unfortunately you’re a retard that barely knows how to use photoshop to make it look like you can hack.

After recording your poorly photoshopped hacking skills, you add your best comic book super villain monologue to the video about how you’re going to destroy the site and make them all pay.

While your intention is to sound like Darkseid, you come off sounding more like a poor man’s Elliot Rodgers. You think you sound badass though, so you confidently make another alt and post your video which has been recorded with a potato.

Doesn’t take long before your post gets mocked and ridiculed by even the lowliest of noobs. You haven’t intimidated anyone and you get banned fairly quickly, even though your post is left up awhile for members to continue to violate your virtual corpse.

Angered that you video has not had the intended effect, you realize that you’ll have to redouble your efforts. Unfortunately your computer time has been limited since your mom caught you “bothering” the pet cat so your revenge will have to wait…for now.

CYS Infamy +10
Delusion +200
Fail +500

Sympathize with him! I'll settle for handing him a belt. 

My sincere apologies Tim. 

Can I have the belt instead? I see now good times were being had while I was aggravating a headache hunched over staring at uncooperative text all day and now I feel even worse in a way that only a prudent cost saving measure can fix. :(

                                       45

Feeling already depressed about your poor choices and the vicious mockery of your poor choices and sexual orientation, you feel 100 times worse when someone suggests that you get a belt since they also work as a rope.

This old CYS chestnut is soon followed by various other suggestions on how and why you should pop your cork. It’s pretty terrible and you don't take it well.

You immediately log out to avoid any further abuse, unfortunately you foolishly keep lurking long enough to see that the thread is continuing to beat your self worth into the dirt. Worse, one of the admins archives it so even if it gets deleted it can always be found to be referenced and laughed at again.

You suppose you could just go on with your life and never visit CYS again, but for some inexplicable reason you can’t do that.

Having nothing else but the hopeless crushing reality to look forward to, you see only one way out.

You grab a belt…

**************** YOU HAVE DIED *****************

CYS Cred -1000
Emo +1000
Life -10000

Final Rank: CoGite

And now we know why Negative hasn't tried to enter the contest this month.

Wasn't Negative banned? 

Page 13 please.

                                                      13

While you realize you may have made a terrible mistake by wading into this mess, there’s nothing for it now so the only thing to do is to try to stick to your guns and hope someone else eventually sides with you.

You continue with your crusade of getting offended on the noob’s behalf, you then proceed to expand your argument to discuss the “problems” of the site in general.

This doesn’t do much except cause the leading mocking members to slightly change up their posts in the form of more well thought out arguments in addition to still calling you names. You suppose it’s progress, but not really in the direction you wanted.

The best you get are a couple of posts from other members insulting the members insulting you. Not so much because they agree with you, but more because it was an opportunity for a cheap laugh. It’s the closest you’re getting to any sympathy on here.

Meanwhile the noob that you were defending in the first place who seemingly has abandoned his own thread.

Eventually the argument goes round and round until most members just dismiss you as a “faggot”, get bored and move on to something else. One member continues to argue with you and declares victory repeatedly when you finally realize you aren’t getting anywhere and give up since the orderlies are looking for you and it’s time for you to go back to your padded cell.

Your high was wearing off anyway.

***************** YOU HAVE BEEN INSTITUTIONALIZED **************

CYS Cred -500
Triggered +1000
Meds +10000

Final Rank: Owl

You did not do the ban one.

I just wrote it up. Didn't notice anyone had picked it since most were picking the belt option.

Rank: Owl?

Well, that was a hoot!

Okay, back to my cell now. :)  (Actually, that's pretty much what I figured would happen, though not the cell part specifically.)

*clutches her heart*  *GASP*  *keels over*

Ahaha, this's a fascinating turn of events for my comment. What should I do now? :)

Use this as motivation to write. (go to page 888)

Smirk as I watch others be quite entertaiming. (go to the front cover)

Make a reply where I give three options for me responding to this thread's OP. (stay on same page)

Acquire a belt.

That is actually pretty much a given when we're on here. :)

I'll use this as a motivation to write. Page 88 please!