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Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
Entry 1:

I strolled into the kingdom borders not but a day or two ago and I've already been banished to this fiery hellscape by some wandering mage I made passing conversation with. This hell is different than usual in that there's a giant gay lizard sucking my toes seductively - even as I fill out this entry. I fear trench foot if I'm to be here for more than a day. They've given me a task to escape: draw some pretty mountains. I hope the spell to get me out isn't as brutal as the spell to get me in. I don't like how the ground opens up beneath me and swallows me whole like the lizard is currently attempting, and failing, to do to my foot. Aside from the lizard deep-throating my foot, this hell is quite comfy. There's some corpses huddled in a corner - I think some of them are alive and just pretending to be dead so as to avoid the lizard. There's a bit of lava pouring from the ceiling keeping the place toasty and a bowling-ball sized fleshy mass is circling about.

Entry 2:

I wonder how nice the mountains have to be. Another person was banished in here too - a frail young girl. I talked to her about getting the lizard to lick her feet but I think I must've said something off-putting when describing her supple toes and how they'd feel to a tongue. Guess she's not into feet or giant gay lizards. There's some eyeballs that pop in every so often and talk to the banished about what they have to do to get out. She got the same punishment as me but I have a head start because the lizard bit off a corpses' finger and burned it to charcoal in the lava for me to use as a drawing instrument. For hell this place has a friendly creature in it.

Entry 3:

I'm glad I was warped out in town instead of where I was when I was helled. Though my clothes are stained, my feet are wet and rasiny, and I smell of salty coins and milk - I think I can chalk this one up to a net win. I'm gonna go talk to some people around the city. There's a mage that doesn't like me in particular and she's acting weird. Don't know what her problem is. Townsfolk had some fun when I hung a random bum off the street and began removing body parts to them guessing letters - eventually they made the word I was thinking of: firebomb. Never cut off his dick cause I'm not gay.

Entry 4:

Back in hell and the gay lizard is looking fine. Apparently giving a woman some high-quality firebombs as a romantic gift isn't very romantic and so I was sent back here. At least the lizard agrees that firebombs are a good gift. Anyways this time I have to make her a card with some hearts and stuff on it so I guess I'll get to that and get back to town. It's lonely in hell but the mages that pop their eyes in every so often keep me entertained.

Entry 5:

I helped the lizard make me a lawn chair out of corpses and a little table out of old burnt feces. Gotta make due. Figure if I'm gonna be down here every so often I should make it more comfortable.

Entry 6:

Finished up another trivial task to get out of another semi-random punishment. Though hell is comfy I do prefer the overworld for most things.

Entry 7:

It's been a while since I was last in hell and I wanted to check on the lizard so I asked this time. Now I have to draw a map to get out. Easy enough but first I'm gonna make a corpse umbrella to shade me from the lava oozing out of the ceiling.

Entry 8:

Maps' done. Made plans with he lizard to see if we can bring some drinks - technically alcoholism is a vice or something so I bet we could get some mimosas going and maybe some lotion for my feet. I wonder if I can bring stuff from the overworld besides my clothes. It's worth testing next time.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
Good job, I'm proud of you.

This was surprisingly cute and only a little bit unwholesome.

e: Lol, she kicked you already.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago

You forgot to call the mage "an actual bitch" in one of the entries.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago

There’s no way that I could think of things like this, so please continue. However, I dislike how the entries get shorter. Also your Spanish is bad. Cuenta actually means bill, as in receipt, and del is actually just de and el put together, which is either ‘of the’ or ‘from the.’ I’m guessing that you meant the title to say ‘Account from Hell,’ instead of ‘Bill of the Hell.’ The closest I can get, as a Spanish 2 student, is ‘Informe del Infierno,’ which means ‘Report of Hell.’

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
The entries get shorter because they're more recent and my memory hasn't tainted them enough to have more words yet. Also I used google translate. I don't actually speak communist.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
>>>I wonder if I can bring stuff from the overworld besides my clothes. It's worth testing next time.

If you marry Leora she becomes your property and can be packed in a suitcase.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
Don't want to get my suitcase dirty.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
Good idea, if you claimed me as your property I'd tear up everything you packed out of spite.

Cuenta del infierno

2 years ago
It would be much more practical to put Ford in the suitcase. He's shorter and less likely to make noise.