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I am making my first story and as most firsts go it'll probably turn out to be #### anyways just want to spread the word it's open for preview. Oh and the story is about a home invasion you can learn more about it on my profile

1. Better title. That's an improvement.

2. Please stop hiding your swears. Just say it. Shit, fuck, cunt, nigger, gook, wanker, all words are allowed here.

3. There's not really anything here to criticize, so I don't know what the post is for.

4. This would go in the Writer's workshop, since it's something you're working on for a CYOA.

5. Despite 4, don't make a second one. The Mods will move it.

There isn’t a space between it and ‘s in it’s. You could also change the word choice of “You survey your surroundings but to no avail,” because to me this sounds like you aren’t able to look around. The word “or” is a conjunction, so you are supposed to put a comma before it. There is very little details and/or emotions. There isn’t really a point in making the baseball bat an item, as you have it whether or not you pick it up. Then there is this writing monstrosity. 

“You leave the room not feeling very protected but then again it's probably just your cat is what you thought until you saw the cats lifeless body. You quietly go to your bedroom and call 911. "911 What's your emergency?" "There's an intruder in my house i need help." "Unfortunately there's been a major crash on highway 59 so you'll have to wait 10 to 30 minutes." "30 minutes! I'm not sure i have that time." "I just need you to stay calm help is on the way, do you have any kind of weapon?" " No unless you count my fists. " "I need you to slowly make your way too the kitchen and get the largest knife you can find but be careful." "I think i might have to go" You say as you hear footsteps coming closer to the door”

I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just revise the whole thing. That way you can do a compare and contrast.

You leave the room, not feeling very protected, but then again it's probably just your cat. However, that idea very quickly replaced when you see your cat’s lifeless body. You quietly go to your bedroom and call 911.

"911 What's your emergency?" Says a very feminine voice.

"There's an intruder in my house, and I need help."

"Unfortunately, there’s a major crash on highway 59, so you'll have to wait 10 to 30 minutes."

"30 minutes! I'm not sure that I have that much time."

"I just need you to stay calm, help is on the way. Do you have any kind of weapon?"

"Not unless you count my fists."

"I need you to slowly make your way to the kitchen and get the largest knife you can find."

"I think I might have to go" You say, hearing footsteps coming closer to the door.

This is just the punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors. You still have to change some of the logic, like why would a crash need all of the police, and maybe add some detail. I’ve also decided that you’re hopeless, and I’m not helping anymore.

From a brief look it kind of seems like this is sort of contrived.  Surely there would be one or two officers in the area that could respond within five minutes or so.  

Although maybe a good sense of the area the protagonist lives in could help set the picture in our minds.  

I can already tell this home invader is a noob, as everyone knows if you're going to be the villain in a horror scenario the first thing you do is cut the phone lines....then kill the cat before it can warn their master.  Not the other way around.  

Don't want to reveal much but the robber is a noob.

I know there isn't a space between it and 's but for some reason the tablet i work on won't allow no space between. Whenever i try to erase the space and type it correctly, it just creates a space automatically

Some of these i was going to edit anyways, i just didn't have the time

By the title this honestly sounds like it could be a horror romance or something.  Those are always fun.

You don’t know what he does to the girl after he kills her. 

You could always start off by capitalizing clarissa, unless I'm thinking of Clarissa instead of clarissa.  Hard to tell them apart sometimes.

You’re only supposed to capitalize important things. That is why he doesn’t capitalize i.

lol