(I hope you guys don't mind me writing one. I haven't been here very long, so I might get some stuff wrong, but it was a lot of fun. Please feel free to critique it and let me know how I can improve. Oh and I used everyone's profile pictures as a reference for how they look. And Mizal, I wasn't sure if you wanted your name capitalized so I just decided to capitalize it. I hope thats okay.)
Bang Bang Bang
A loud pounding reverberated through the bunker. Corgi, angry to be woken from their nap, began barking wildly at the new sound.
“Sounds like someone is at the door,” says the cloaked figure in the corner, “I wonder if these ones are fucktards or faggots.”
Briar, who had been looking at the surveillance screen with great fascination, turns to the cloaked figure. “Looks like they’re some CoGites! ^_^”
“So both fucktards AND faggots. Let Mizal deal with it. Turnip, you’re the noob, go get Mizal and tell her we have company.”
I slowly walk through the long corridor leading to the mess hall and come across a gruesome sight. A poor jackfruit has been carved up and deseeded, its innards lying in a bowl and covered with raw onions. It’s seeds, once strong and firm, are being boiled alive in pots. And its rind, once protection for the mighty fruit, is now being used as pauldrons for the killer which stands before me. I almost vomit, but manage to keep my composure and utter a weak, “Excuse me, Mizal?”
“Oh Turnip, I didn’t notice you. We’re going to have a good dinner tonight. Ever had a jackfruit?”
“N-no, we didn’t have those in the desolate wastes of Russia…”
“Well you're in for a treat. Its like a pineapple mixed with a mango. You’ll love it. So whats up?”
“The Dark One sent me. There’s some CoGites at the door and they aren’t leaving.” The smile from her face drops as she hears this.
“Alright, lets go. I swear if this is one of Cricket’s tricks I’m going to squash that little bug…” A faint chirping, almost sounding like a laugh, emanates from somewhere in the room.
As we reach the entrance it is clear that the situation has escalated. The banging has grown louder and more frantic, and Corgi seems to have run into the wall in a hyperactive fit, knocking themselves out. Mizal steps over the dog and up to the microphone to talk to the CoGites outside. Briar, who had been talking to the CoGites in an attempt to compromise, hands the mic over with a simple, “I thought they might be good ones :P” Mizal presses the red button on the microphone and speaks.
“You approach the mighty CYStian bunker, property of the Kingdom of CYStia! For what reason do you disturb our mighty kingdom?”
Their leader, a whiny and craven being in a plague doctors outfit, introduces himself. “My name is Exeldgamer! I lead these brave souls of the CoG Resistance to your bunker in an attempt to seek refuge. Our former leader, Jason the Cuck, banished us for making a joke about trans people and now we have nowhere to go. We have no food and no water, and the zombies from the IntFiction vault are roaming around. You have to help us! Please!”
Mizal stands silent for a moment. Finally, she speaks. “If you can write me a 1000 word short story we’ll let you into the bunker.”
Exeldgamer was taken aback. “Are you crazy? 1000 words just to get into a dumb bunker? That’s completely unreasonable. There is no way anybody could write 1000 words. I’m not doing it.”
“Then I guess you’ll stay out there in HELL.” Mizal calmly stated. She muted the screen and began her walk back to the kitchen. After all, those jackfruits wouldn’t be preparing themselves. I watch the screen, horrified as the dreaded IntFiction zombies devour the CoGite’s one by one. As I watch, I feel some sympathy for them. After all, I was like them once. Blinded by the CoGite lies until I was cast aside like garbage. And as I watch the last CoGite be devoured, I hear the cloaked figure utter three wise words.
“Lol, what faggots.”
