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Here I Am

2 years ago

It's Christmas Eve and here I am at work. My gift to myself? Stealing a chair because my boss is gone and I usually have to stand the whole shift. What will I do with this unauthorized and unmonitored freedom? Learn scraps of Irish on Duolingo, as you do, and write completely useless scraps of stories I will never utilize.


"I am not a patient man. I've never seen a reason to be one. Patience is a quality for those who do not control their circumstances: the weak, the cowardly, and those who find themselves in low places and never strive to rise above. Why would I wish to count myself among them? When something requires patience, I simply send someone of that variety to do the waiting for me. My coffee arrives instantly and is always hot; reports are printed, bound, and in my hand before I ask for them; my car is pulled in front of the office an hour before I leave just in case I want to leave early. And if the coffee-bringers, paper-printers, and drivers of the world want to complain, then maybe they should learn to be less patient themselves.

"You might think a person such as me would not have friends. You couldn't be further from the truth. I have friends and they are all accomplished and interesting people, just like me. We have our own little take-no-shit parties where we do exactly what we want, say exactly what we mean to, and keep each other on the road to success. 

"So, you see, while I'm not the most likable of people, there isn't anyone in my life I believe would want to kill me. Everyone's either too spineless or has nothing to gain from my absence."

"You're telling me you can't think of a single person you might have upset around early December? There's no significance in a bomb hidden in a box of Belgian chocolates?"

"I can't think of a soul who would have the motive. Well, not anyone more than the usual."


"I can see what you're thinking, detective. And no. I am not a stupid man. I recognize there are a vast number of people who would have reason to want me dead. I'm saying I haven't done anything that I wouldn't do regularly."

"Well, I'll certainly take a look. You haven't given me much to go on though, Mr. Howard."

"Well, it's not my job to do the investigation for you, is it? I'm paying you well. You figure it out."

"I'll do my best, of course, but no matter how much money you throw at me, the person who tried to kill you isn't gonna slow down because of that. And remind me again why this isn't going to the police?"

"That's a private matter. I don't want them involved. That's that."

"Sure, sure." 

"I'll give you access to any resources you require. Just ask Mr. Blake there, my right hand man. He'll see to it that you're set up."

"Alright. I look forward to working with you, Mr. Blake."


"Well then, detective, I'll leave you to it. Oh. And Merry Christmas."

Here I Am

2 years ago
Blake did it.

Here I Am

2 years ago

Guess I don't need to write the rest then, haha. 

Here I Am

2 years ago
I liked it

Here I Am

2 years ago

Thanks! I tend to use too much description so I was trying to write something that was only dialogue.

Here I Am

2 years ago
Your writing remains top shelf quality in the sense that it's able to communicate a wealth of characterization, backstory, and plot with a surprisingly minimalist exchange of dialogue.

I am both incredibly entertained and mildly jealous that you can just whip something like this from the void of ennui.

...also, yeah, if I had a boss like that, I'd be driven to dramatic homicide too.