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Gross food menu

10 months ago

Well, this thread is where I put ideas about some of the most disgusting food I can imagine.

Welcome to the Gross Food restaurant where you will enjoy some of the most disgusting food.

 

1. Stir-fried diaper seaweed

 

This dish is made from diaper seaweed stir-fried with foot fungus. The diaper seaweed is freshly harvest from local seaweed farms. Here are some fun facts about diaper seaweed:

 

- Diaper seaweed is very nutritious. They are full of vitamins and minerals which is essential for our body functions.

 

- Diaper seaweed grows very fast. It takes around 10 days for it to double in mass.

 

- The most interesting fact is that diaper seaweed grows on diseased old people's used diaper submerged in sea water. This is how diaper seaweed got its name.

 

2. Worm egg toast

 

Mmmm... Worm eggs. Don't worry, they are properly boiled so that you don't contract intestinal worms. Who doesn't like the crunchiness of toast combined with worm eggs popping in their mouth. Each egg is a tiny vesicle filled with an unforgettable flavour.

 

3. Tape worm noodle

 

Noodles freshly harvested from local parasite farms. This dish is a must try if you are a fan of Parrobeekan cuisine. Each bowl of noodles is masterfully crafted. The temperature must be just right since high temperature destroys the chewy texture of the worm while too low temperature gives you intestinal worms. The vegetables and meat must be cut thinly. The diaper seaweed has to be marinated in urine for at least three days. The people of Parrobeek are proud to have this dish as a representative of their cuisine.

 

4. Shit ice cream

 

Who doesn't like ice cream and who doesn't like shit. That's why we have invented the most loved flavour of ice cream by combining two of the most loved things on this planet. The sweet aroma of vanilla fuses with the strong and distinctive smell of shit will surely make your mouth water. You can choose one of the following toppings: raw baby snails, diaper seaweed, crystalized urine or candied fish eyeballs.

 

5. Vomit smoothie

 

Peculiar, yet refreshing. Vomit smoothie will surely quench your thirst away. This smoothie is made of various berries and milk which has experienced the process of half-digestion inside a snake's stomach. The slight burn of stomach acid upon taking the first sip will definitely be unforgettable.

 

6. Diseased liver soup

 

This soup is made of diseased liver (obviously) cooked with various herbs and condensed blood. Diseased liver comes in many different flavours of disease: Cancer, liver cirrhosis, hepatitis A,B,C,D,E, fatty liver disease and much more. The best part is that you can choose what flavours of disease you want to try on your soup. We recommend the hepatitis combo since it has the most diverse flavours, and it is one of the top-rated flavours. 

Gross food menu

9 months ago

1.
Diaper seaweed intrigued and confused me, I have to say. I wondered what it was. Was it supposed to be, like... Seaweed with the properties of a diaper? A kind of seaweed that could be used as a diaper? A seaweed that grew diapers instead of leaves? The possibilities were endless, but apparently they turned out to be the most boring option- Seaweed merely fertilized by used diapers. Now while I will admit there's a certain shock factor to this notion if you're a toddler, the fact of the matter is that, for most of Pre-industrial history, the majority of food was fertilized by all kinds of shit. Human shit in particular, because it was the easiest to get ahold of and put in a field, considering humans like to poop in the same places.

Was that the healthiest thing to do, strictly speaking? Well, there are risks. But the fact that the majority of bodily evidence we have of people from the medieval period and earlier (as well as many people in modern-day India) all have the selfsame stomach worms that doctors say can come from eating plants fertilized with human shit, one can assume that it really doesn't affect the taste all too much. So yes, produce grown from human shit is nothing new or particularly bothersome. Produce grown on underwater shit, maybe is new.

But traditionally seaweed is also cleaned and completely dehydrated by smoking before being eaten, so at that point it's almost like eating normal seaweed except this particular seaweed has a sordid past. Will that make it taste like shit? Who knows, the best I can remember is that seaweed prepared in such a manner doesn't really taste like much, but I could be ignoring the fact that this is stir fried. Which, I'll admit, might lend itself to a particularly slimy texture and pungent flavor, but assuming the seaweed is cleaned and prepared properly, still is more of a bungled experiment than anything truly shocking.

However, it also appears to have been prepared with foot fungus, which... Is interesting, I suppose. What foot fungus are you proposing exactly? Have you even bothered to look up what foot fungus is or looks like? It's not like it has a lot of mass to it. It's not like a mushroom you can lop off and toss in a stir fry. They are in fact microscopic mold colonies, which disrupt the ecosystem of your skin to the degree that it causes unsightly scaling and harms your toenails and other things that are unfortunate to look at.

You would have to scrape the feet of all 15% of the world's population that has athlete's foot, in order to get an amount to cook with. And even at that point, you would have far more dead skin than fungus. It's not even a fleshy kind of fungus, it's all reproductive stalks, like the fuzzy stuff that grows on bread you leave out too long. It would shrivel and go away if you put it in oil to stir fry it with. And the fact that it is stir fried means that this dish is probably going to be more or less sterilized by the end of the cooking process. Would I eat it? Of course not. But I fail to be truly upset or disgusted by it. And in fact, this probably wouldn't even have that much of an impact on my health if I did eat it.


2.
Okay, I'll admit, you got me to google if intestinal worms laid eggs. The fact that you boiled and sanitized it also seems like a weird decision considering later parts of your post, but. I guess you've found a weird new kind of caviar? Interestingly, tapeworms seem to "lay" eggs by dropping off segments of themselves filled with tinier eggs, and the whole package looks like a very small sesame seed. Will this worm egg spread be presented with or without the skins? I would presume it wouldn't be very spreadable with the skins, but without them there also wouldn't be a lot of mass, and I would presume that you'd need an enormous amount of flourishing worms for even one portion of toast, let alone any amount it would be efficient to boil. Hundreds of dogs would have to die terrible wasting-disease deaths per slice of toast, at the very least. I also wouldn't eat it, but I still fail to be shocked.

3.
Ah, so there are parasite farms. That's where all the eggs must be coming from. I guess that's neat. Marinating the seaweed in piss doesn't really sound like much of an influencing factor, considering how marinating works and how seaweed, by its very nature, is quite resilient to water. The purpose of marinating isn't that the seasoning soaks through whatever you're cooking, but so that whatever you just seasoned it with sticks on throughout whatever else you cook it with. It's mildly useful to marinate chicken breasts if you intend to fry them for chicken parm, for example, so that you can have the sort of taste of a sauce without leaving the finished product on or in sauce too long and ending up with a soggy fried chicken. A piss-marinated seaweed will taste sort of like piss, it will most certainly not give the diner a mouthful of piss with every bite. But it will smell like piss when you finally cook it, I guess.

4.
There's potentially some ingenuity in this shit ice cream concept, I think. But it seems oddly ambiguous as to whether or not this is shit flavored ice cream, or just shit. The fact that it is vanilla ice cream seems to imply that it's just normal ice cream with shit added in, which just makes this a poisonous non-food. And, I mean, that's basically cheating. You can add shit or piss or vomit to anything to make it inedible, this isn't really new information.

The ambiguity of what "crystallized piss" is is also strange. Like, is it just frozen piss? It's true, it could be marketing jargon meant to make frozen piss sound prettier than it is, but the only thing in piss that crystallizes, to my knowledge, is ammonia. And, I mean, good on ya for knowing that ammonia crystals will make it difficult to even be in the same room as the ice cream in question, but you can't really eat those either. Whether or not the ice cream is actually shit, ammonia-sprinkled ice cream is just straight up not food, your body will reject it or you'll die. Which begs the question- Why the fuck did you ever care about intestinal worms? Particularly when we know from historical records of human-shit-fertilizing civilizations that intestinal worms really were the very least of anyone's concerns ever.

The joke is lost here, either you care about making edible food or you don't. There is a certain absurdist humor in making food that is blatantly inedible here, but you've tried to straddle the line in a way that really doesn't work, for what I can only presume is shock value. But it's not particularly shocking, because nobody is going to be surprised by the thought process of "What would be an inedibly gross food? OH! I've got it! Poop!" because every human who has ever lived, since the days of Caesar, has had that exact thought several times when they were a literal baby.


5.
Snake digestion is an oddly specific kind. I imagine there could presumably be some reason that you chose a snake to digest these things as opposed to any other kind, but as their digestion is a particularly wide gap in my knowledge of snakes, I would presume there's some reason you know that I don't, as to why these items had to be half-digested by a snake, as opposed to literally anything else. I guess @mizal might have some input because she's cut open more snakes than anybody else on this website, but from a scientific standpoint I'm really interested in how you got a snake to eat milk and berries in the first place.

6.
Again, if you're just putting Boomer AIDS in this liver, why the hell are you bothering with stomach parasites? What's your qualm with worms that you don't have with the other kinds of food poisoning that you actively attempt to induce?


 If you really want to gross someone out, the fact of the matter is that you should use something that people will have an actual frame of reference as to what it tastes like and why that taste and texture would suck. I'm not sure what it's like where you're from, but here on CYS none of us know what shit, piss, tapeworms, and vomit actually taste like because none of us have made out with your mom.

To gross someone out if you're really trying, you should instead use a frame of reference we're familiar with and then turn it on its head with a truly dire combination of otherwise benign ingredients. The fact that it's technically edible, and the fact that someone could eat this, should add to the sickening factor. Poop ice cream is "oh haha so edgy", no one is gonna truly viscerally react to that, because no one would ever eat that. But there are some images of food that I know were eaten, which I consider deeply sickening, and have made me actually do that involuntary burp thing your throat does when it wants to hurl, just by looking at them. And they didn't contain even a smidge of inedible material. Observe.

Buttered Peanut Butter:


Whatever this wet Indian shit is:



And last but certainly not least... Party Cheese Salad...


In short, this post earns negative points. I diagnose you with being 12. I'm afraid it's terminal. Shitpost harder next time.

Gross food menu

9 months ago
...wait, those buttered waffles... are they those that I've been hearing about?

Gross food menu

9 months ago

Yes. And I've even cropped the feet out of the image.

Seeing the whole thing really made my eyes water as a defense mechanism.

Gross food menu

9 months ago
Oh, I'm curious what it looks like, could you perhaps send it to me somewhere?

And that cheese salad abomination is absolutely nasty. More than that of shit ice cream, I suppose.

Gross food menu

9 months ago

I am loathe to observe the true thing again.