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Bezro
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The Ocean
4 days ago
Water swirls around
Washing away the sand
Water swirls around
Washing away the filth
Water swirls around
Carrying creatures far away
Water swirls around
Breaks through rock
Water swirls around
Tearing trees out by their roots
Water swirls around
Bringing sand to new beaches
Bringing sand to the bottom
Water swirls around
Spreading filth among it's large body
Feeding some despicable creatures
Water swirls around
Creatures finding solace in a new home
Other rejecting it
Water swirls around
Sometimes building new rock
Oftentimes returning that rock to sand
Water swirls around
Carrying seeds for new trees
Other seeds grow on the ocean floor
Water swirls around
Water never stops
Water holds everything
Anthraxus
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The Ocean
4 days ago
An interesting work. I like the five stanza repeat, it's an good device. The imagery is effective and evocative, at least partially due to the repeating lead line.
On the other side, it is a very simple free verse. The words, much like the subject, seem to just swirl and stir without much emotional movement. there isn't anything to pull the reader in like a tide, it's all just stagnant pools of thought.
Bezro
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The Ocean
4 days ago
I played bloodborne and tried to make it sound Lovecraftian, with the sand being like thoughts and the Ocean representing several dream states and the cycles and all that. The great ones, basically. Very loosely based, and I was kinda looking for something that sounded profound instead of actually bring profound.
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