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For my novel, I had this idea in mind:

In the future - say, 2305 - humans have mastered interplanetary travel. Earth has long since been destroyed, and is uninhabitable. Mars is the new Earth.

But, that is not important. What is more profound is the discovery of alien life on Titan. The Geologians. 

The best way to describe them is "giant floating rocks". Because both humans and Geologians have something that the other wants, they have agreed to make a reluctant alliance based in trade. Unfortunately, there are political extremists on both sides that want war. By law, they're not allowed to do that. But they're finding a way around that. With nanobots.

Nanobots are basically robot parasites. They're pretty small, enough that you breathe them in and you wouldn't notice. Nanobots are designed to hack the brain, so to speak, so whoever is the host begins to hallucinate, become more violent, and overall display irrational behavior. In particular, attack the opposing species - which is a feature they're still working on. (Such as if a Geologian were infected, their chances of attacking humans would increase.) 

By deploying these, the extremists can make the population more likely to attack each other, hopefully triggering a full-scale war. Their first place to test this was in the law enforcement, specifically the robots. 

It came with side effects, though. The robots began to arrest people at random, even if they were innocent.

 

 

This is where the main storyline comes in.

The storyline is about two people - Jack and River - and a Geologian headed to Europa, so that they can start a LBGT safe space. When Jack is out at a mall to buy food and other supplies for the trip, one of the securityBots tries to arrest him for theft, despite the fact that he didn't steal anything. As he attempts to escape, he becomes lost, since he's never been to this mall before. A woman named Josefine - who has been falsely accused by the bots as well, and now has a record - helps Jack escape, on the condition that she is allowed to hitchhike with him to Europa. He reluctantly agrees after she tells him she knows a more efficient way to get there. 

Either one is infected with the nanobots. While no one else on the ship gets it, the infected person begins to get worse. They attempt to research the nanobots, but find very little information other than the fact that they have "really cool side effectz!!111!" They take word for it, and continue on their journey.

But the infected person gets worse.

And worse.

And worse.

(Not to mention that everyone keeps on getting sidetracked, either by their past, or by a bounty hunter that believes that Josefine really did commit the supposed crimes on her record.)

 

 

 

 

What do you guys think? Is it original? Memorable? Well written? Or at least interesting? Anything that should be changed?

Nothing? Nobody has anything to say on the matter?

No one?

At all?

Needs a better hook - then I might read the post :3

@Mom come read this and give this person your opinion @Kiel_Farren

I am not your mother. x_x Also, you're grounded.

What do you expect us to say?

There's nothing that sticks out about this -- as in, there's nothing wrong and it sounds interesting and unique. Anyway it's your story, write it the way you want, you shouldn't ask people to change or edit it based on what they think. (unless of course there's an actual problem with what you've said ie humans can breathe in space or black people are inferior to whites etc which isn't present here.)

Next step is to begin writing.

(BTW only skimmed through this. Kinda confusing. Seems okay though, I guess. Not sure how you're going to make IF out of it but if you can  that'd be swell.)

I've already got eight pages in, but I feel that the idea is under developed and that I haven't a specific outline for it yet.

It's alright IMO. Needs a bit more development and yeah, it's memorable if anything.

I didn't really follow.

Why is earth destroyed? But now Mars is exactly like the previous earth, including having a place called Europa? And malls? Why are there malls when those died out on earth in the 1990s?

Then what? Two people and a rock are at the mall? They're preparing for a trip to Europa? Then where are they now? She is hitchhiking to Europa? On a ship? But the hitchhiker knows a "more efficient" way to get there?

I'm really lost.

No.

Earth was destroyed, mostly because of war and the invetable death of the biosphere. Everyone moved to Mars.

Humanity began to colonize other planets, including the moons Titan and Europa.

Titan is one of Saturn's moons, and Europa is Jupiter's moon.

 

Malls are debateable, and I can easily set the starting location elsewhere.

One of the crew memebers is somewhere, preparing to go to the moon Europa. Another person is trying to go there, but she does not have her own space ship, so it would take her forever to get there. 

Again, the "more efficent way as an excuse to hitchhike to Europa" is debateable, and can also be changed. She just needs an excuse to get on the ship, and a reason for her to stay for the entire trip so she is not kicked off at the first chance they get.

Excellent to hear! The more background details you know about the story, the better. You don't have to tell them all to the reader, but they should be clear, at least to you!

*Puts on sunglasses* It's quite a novel idea!

Not that I have much to say about it. There isn't anything I could say to improve it, just that it's been a long time since I've seen a travel story with survival elements like that involved.

It's... not as over-used as a lot of post-apocalyptic scenarios, but I'm not exactly sold on the idea, either. The point of something being original is that it's supposed to be interesting, and while this is relatively original, (which is still a compliment, you threw in multiple elements I have now seen) I'm not that interested. To me, it still sounds like another "survive the infection road trip" game with authority figures / your fellow man occasionally screwing things up for you, which is something all of us have played before, some of us dozens of times. I'm looking for a reason I should care about this one in particular, and I don't see it yet.

Keil, I have to add my two cents on the originality -- I would almost suggest that there are no stories that are 100% original. Almost every story can fit into some box at tvtropes.

Yes, it is good to have new ideas. It good to find original ways to do things. At the same time, the classics are the classics for a reason! I'm not trying to knock your suggestions -- I'm just posting this to let the original author of this thread know that they CAN write a story that's based on other things and does not have to be completely, 100% original, something that's never been written before in all of history.

For example, Warring Turtles, if there were a contest here, with a subject of, oh, I don't know, "Survive the infection road trip," I'm sure every single entry would be different. Some would likely be good, some would likely be not as good. They'd be different settings, different characters, different reasons, some silly, some serious, some somewhere inbetween.

So yes, you asked for opinions, and you will almost always get some (especially at a random web site with writers), but don't think that you have to write something that's never been done or you cannot write at all!

Keil, I'm pretty sure that wasn't what you intended to convey, but I just wanted to confirm for Warring Turtles.

I'm saying it's more original than most, Ogre. If you'll note, that isn't my complaint. My complaint is that this game doesn't sound interesting. xD I'm looking for something that will specifically make me care about this story in particular. Ideally, it'd be fantastic writing, but there are no excerpts here. Aside from that, fun game mechanics or interesting aesthetics. I don't see a mention of those, though.

... I would like to know who this "Keil" person is that everyone keeps talking about, though. :P Sounds like a swell guy.

It was never intended to be a game on the website. It's supposed to be a paperback novel.

Ah. Sorry, I did forget that. I'm only half-conscious today, if that. 12 hour shifts with 3 hours of driving and only about 4 hours of sleep... I'm kinda screwed up right now. Anyway, my point remains: I still dunno why I should care. And hey, maybe that's just me. Do you have an excerpts from your story that I could read, though?

Not really, unless you count the couple of pages of the rough rough draft. (which when I wrote it, it took up eight pages, but since my handwriting is so huge, it's probably less than that.)

Even then, I feels the writing for that was god awful, and not worth showing (unless you want to shift through shitty, unvaried dialouge, vauge action, ridiculously fast pacing, and poor descriptions.)

Got'cha.

(Ah. Well... not really, no. xD)

Ah, I understand.

Now if you would just learn to spell your own name correctly...

Good, good.

>_> ... You're lucky you're outside of stabbing range, you know.

What elements have I put in the story that are considered trite, and how can I subvert that?

The police/bounty hunter part is a bit iffy as of now, and can be changed. They need a reason to get to Europa quickly. Something has to push them to want to go besides setting up an institute there, and/or something that makes their destination even more alluring.

Another idea that I had was that one of the people on the ship gets a hold of bits and pieces of the extremist's plans, and the person who originally had the documents goes after them in an attempt to silence them.

 

I think you can run with pretty much any cockamamie idea you want and as long as you do it well. 'Original' ideas are overrated anyway. What's important is the story you want told in the universe you make, since setting is secondary to pretty much everything else imo.