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Hey!

Since I truly want my upcoming storygame (I've had the idea for few days and just started writing) to be as perfect as it can be, I wanted to ask if someone would be willing to check it out before I publish it OR maybe would even agree me to add as a contact in Skype so I could always throw some pieces and sentences of which I need comments or ideas how to make it better.

As you could probably quess, english isn't my mother language. :D

The story itself is going to be extremely confusing and it will be mixing up things - It's main point is to be a surrealistic adventure in the middle of a snow war. Kind of like a survival dream, in really extremely surrealistic way. The whole picture isn't really ready yet, but since the concept is so absurd, I don't really believe that I need any strict plots or ground rules right now. Oh and yes, it may be partly inappropriate for viewers under 18, so I'd like my own personal Grammar Nazi to be at least 18. 

Let me know if I'm in the right place and if one of you would be interested in this kind of assignment!

Make sure sneak preview is turned on in your profile and post a link for your story here. You're in the right place, but you're more likely to get a proofreader if you have a clickable link at hand.

Good to know - did some searching and at least now I don't have the sneak preview option in my profile settings. Maybe it's one of those things you get after certain amount of EXP?

Yours is currently on, otherwise Seth wouldn't have been able to get to it.

But for future purposes, do the following:

Click the 'My Stuff' button. Find the game in question. Click the edit button for that game. Click the box that says allow sneak preview.

For your current project - Here is a link to Surrealistic Dream.

Oh, thank you! 

Hello, I read the first page.  

It's definitely confusing--exactly how much of that is intentionally confusing is difficult to tell.  

You've got numerous sentences or phrases that are nearly word salad;  "Your fingers petrified by the crispy death couldn't bend to answer to the Reality yet"  comes to mind.  

"Your hands are cold, and it's hard to text" comes through as the underlying meaning, but "crispy death" is bizarre. "Crispy" isn't a word that goes with snow.

Basically, it's difficult tell if/when you're intentionally being "surreal" and when you're just using a word that doesn't make sense, or creating a grammatically impossible construction.

There's some really interesting imagery, and it certainly seems like the potential for a good storygame is there.

Ouch, still work in progress that first page. :D

When I'm writing in my mother language I use a lot of metaphors and it works out nicely. I have no idea of how the outcome will work in english - if it's just bad and clumsy or does it really make sense at some level. After all even if it is going to be a surrealistic text, I don't want it to be too exhausting to read so that it distracts the reader too much from the story.

Like for example the story is going to consist northern lights matches - matches that wont burn but will produce northern lights. If the text is too much like a word salad to begin with, it could lead the reader to actually believe that the "northern lights" is another metaphor for fire. And that would be unintentionally confusing. Since it's surrealistic text it isn't that bad, but because I'm not a native speaker nor do I speak fluently english I may not notice when the text is just too frustrating to read. Fine lines...

At least now in the first page there isn't suppose to be any grammar fails - and if there does, it's unintentional. But yeah also a work in progress, just focused on translating first some bits I had written in my native language.(btw, that example of yours was actually the sentence that got me thinking that a proofreader wouldn't harm).