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bla lThe Order of the Garden.

My watch begins. It shall not end until my death.

A warrior order only dedicated to the protection of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. They ignore the call to arms from the Babylonian King in his war against the Amori Hegemony who have pushed his and his allies back behind the Tigris near the great walls of Babylon.

I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall not kneel to no king nor interfere in the wars they wage.

Yet, The Order has broken the neutrality they carried since The Orders finding our founding.

 

I shall live and die at my post. I am the guardian of the accursed tree.

I am the gaurdian of the fertile falls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men from the eldritch knowledge of old.

I’m glad someone chose this prompt, but it’s apparent that your prose is already plagiarizing G.R.R.M.

Unless this is going to be a parody, you’ll have to fix that or face disqualification. @EndMaster

Someone with more time offer guidance. @mizal ; @Seto ; @Steve24833

Source material below. C’mon Frank.

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.

The Night's Watch oath

Babylon covers a lot of history. Personally I’d go with the time when the Assyrians dominated the area. The Assyrians were some of the more ruthless fuckers at that time, so lots of opportunity for cruel ancient world violence.

Also there is a theory that the Hanging Gardens were supposedly created by one of the Assyrian Kings. (Stories differ about when and if the Gardens were created, but if you went with the Assyrian period, there’s your historical hook at least for it)

Steve and I are in this contest too, why the fuck would we help him? Also today is already annoying and I am busy.

Besides what Bucky already brought up, seeing a lot of grammatical issues which, fine if it's a rough draft but since you posted this I assume you looked it over.

Frank, are you going with pretty much a purely fantasy take on this or were you planning to work some at least some loose historical elements in?

The Great War, the war between the Persian Empire and the Empire of Babylon, began after Cyrus turned his attention to ancient city. Cyrus demanded one thing from Babylon and that was the city and lands surrounding it. The Babylonian Emperor naturally refused to give up the capital and said thusly to Cyrus’ envoys. It seemed that Cyrus expected this answer from the Emperor and immediately began to lead an army against Babylon. At Karim, the troops gathered led by the Cyrus himself and filled with the most renowned warriors from his campaigns — Abbas, Karen, Hadi, Salar, Nozar, Gideon of Judea and the two warriors named Lencho. For five years the Babylonians and Persian fought in the cities and countryside in the north and western region of the Babylonian empire where the Persians emerged victorious more often than not and who pushed steadily towards the Tigris mere miles from Babylon, but the city itself, well fortified and commanded by Somal and other sons of the royal household, held out. Yet our tale focuses on the Order of the Garden. Who to the surprise of both Empires have unexpectedly decided to draw their swords in defense of Babylon.

 

Inspiration: Trojan War, Persian invasion of Mesopotamia, The Bible, Berserk

 

First: @Bucky @Mizal Who knew it took a little plagiarism to get someone to finally respond to my post in the workshop for no one wanted to say anything when I originally posted what I had above????. I'll remember for next time.

 

Second: do you want it written in the ballad poem format because I originally planned to write it out like so.

 

Outline: Prologue, Archeologist from the Knights Hospitaller discover the lost works of Dakuri of Uruk and present their findings to the ailing Grandmaster who desires to hears the tale of old. 

 

I didn't respond to your original post because a generic summary of a story that isn't written yet is impossible to care about. An actual writing excerpt gives something to respond to.

It's not required to be a ballad, but if you want to it's not a problem.

1) Not a joking matter. Plus, you only had it up for a few hours before you allegedly changed it. You're only digging a deeper hole.

2) What Mizal said.

Excerpt from the first Chapter 

 

 

Cecilia held her long sword in front of her as the group circled around the humanoid being. Though it looked like a ghoul, it being haggard and dressed in ragged clothing and rusted armor beneath those burning yellow eyes something more lay beyond.

 

The ghoul, for lack of better term, casually glanced from side to side as the Knights encircled him.

 

“This isn’t what I expected to find excavating the Hanging Gardens,” Leroy muttered into the comms as the encirclement is completed.

 

“I wouldn’t have expected anything less,” James said as he stared intently at the ghoul in the center. “These land have had bloodshed upon them for ages. They may be more just like him the further we excavate.”

 

“This doesn’t feel right...” Cecilia voiced everything about this ghoul was unique from it’s appearance to the weapon it wielded. The saber was in exquisite condition and it's bronze armor had black engravings of a tree upon it. Normally those who were chosen to become ghouls in ancient times weren’t bothered with arms as the gift of becoming undead they had little to fear from mortals who dared venture into the crypts or happen to cross their paths. 

 

“M’lady, should we attack?” James asks yet as he did the ghoul gave his surrounding a once over before giving his sword a masterful flourish before sliding into a fighting stance.

 

As shocking as it was for a ghoul to be able to do that it was the stance that he had taken almost as if he was expected an attack from all sides and taken the necessary precautions for it.

 

“M’lady?” James asks once more his face taking on a more serious expression.

 

I.

 

The standoff would not end by having a stare down. 

 

"Attack," She commands as she and four rushed the ghoul from their spots in the encirclement. The others, a mixture of veterans and rookies, would wait in reserves in case those of the initial charge died or needed to be swapped out. 

 

They jumped at the unique ghoul like wolves, lightning-fast, silently, and without warning. Blades whizzed through the air and the chamber echoed with the mournful clangs and shings of clashing steel. At first, all you could hear was swords clashing, sighs, moans, and heavy breathing.

And then, suddenly and unexpectedly, the Knights Hospitaller began to scream and die. 

 

James was the first; dropping to his knees after being run through by the ghoul's blade before the ghoul followed up by delivering a savage arc that, mercifully or perhaps not, was a glancing blow. He moaned in agony as blood began to pool.

 

Another, who Cecilia recognized as James' squire, jumped into the fray yet her inexperience showed as they hadn't joined the battle when the pace was still fast and almost immediately her head was detached from her neck.

 

"What the fuck is this!?" Leroy screams.

So I guess that answers the question on whether you're going full fantasy. (Well, fantasy sci-fi combo it seems...)

Seems like you didn't need the Babylon prompt specifically, a lot of them would have worked for this.

Just be sure to leave plenty of time for proofreading and editing.

@Ogre11 likes to make long posts on this sort of thing. I can't at the moment.

I do when requested. I'm not sure if this is an actual request for detailed feedback, or just a post to show that progress has been made.

 

@mizal this is just the beginning and this scene occurs during present day. The story of the Order of the Garden will be revealed after the battle. The ghoul is actually guarding the tomb of Dakuri who wrote down the events the war (Persian Invasion of Mesopotamia and the Troy like siege that followed) and primarily focuses the narrative on the Babylonian Champion/Hero? Arnoux who is of the Order of the Garden.

Basically fight the ghoul and win so you can read Dakuri writings so you can get to the actual story (Which takes place in Babylon and Hanging Gardens)

Finished first chapter

Just a reminder, if you don't remember,
it is already quite late in December.
Eleven more days are the time that you've got,
so write while you can, and please update a lot!
I'm sirious, get to work, else I'll post more awful poems!