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I’ve been lurking in the shadow for quite sometime, and today, I’ve decided to break the ice by sharing with you guys some interesting things about Luc Bat poems. It’s a form of poetry popular in Vietnam, my country. Luc Bat, or 六八 means six eight, which refers to the alternating lines of six and eight syllables. This form of poem always starts with a six syllable line and ends with an eight syllable line. A Luc Bat poem’s length ranges from two lines to a few thousands of lines; there’s no limit. Here’s how you rhyme in a Luc Bat poem. Quite interesting, right?

XXXXXA

XXXXXAXB

XXXXXB

XXXXXBXC

XXXXXC

XXXXXCXD

Hope you like my first attempt at an English Luc Bat poem, I know I butchered it quite terribly.

 

Oh, little butterfly

Today, you have to die, hear me.

Nature’s cruel, I’m sorry

“What’s the point of beauty,” I ask

“If it can never last.”

Close your eyes, and relax your wings

No need to keep fighting

My kiss, paralyzing venom.

So, this is the end of

A painful, tragic love story.

So tell me, Caterpillar
Why'd you make this time killer seem fun
When my story's yet undone
I did choose to browse the forums, it's true
I'm still blaming you
Also, did you just kiss a dead butterfly in your poem
Because that's weird

Why does this seem to happen near the end of contests? I need to work on my story. It is very hard to write when everything needs to rhyme and it feels so wrong when it doesn't.

 

Edit: I realize that the first post doesn't really rhyme, but fresh's mostly does.

You might have misunderstood the rhyme scheme. I'd look at it more carefully.

ooooooooohhhhh ok. I am not used to processing rhyme schemes like that, I completely ignored the explanation too. sorry lol

This rhyme scheme brings me pain
In english my mind strains to hear
All rhythm sucks my ear
In headlights be deer, so lit
I cannot deal with it
Sounds so crusty and shit, to read

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Starting to get it now
I start hearing how it sounds
The beat is weird, it bounds
Uncomfortably around, but will
Grow on you even still
Like swallowing a pill (of fun!)

I really like your style of writing. Haha...

Alternating eight and six is probably the most common syllable pattern in English, you'll find that in a lot of classic Chrismaa music and so on, and it just flows really naturally.

Then you had to go and make it all weird.

It's growing on me, though.
You really have to go and think
Of snapping jazz with plink,
Beret'd beatnik weed stink, and those
People expressing woes.
Funny pacing, who knows, it's art
Like the actor who fart
And is not Dana Cart-vey: He's
Got that movie where she's
This woman he marries and that
Woman ain't cat in hat but Mike,
He was also that guy
But in this mov-ie he al-
Most dies because...

FUCK

FUCK USING THIS FORMAT FOR CONVERSATION I CAN'T MAKE EVEN SENTENCES WITH IT

What I mean to say is, without being forced to gradually squeeze it out of 10,000 lies, is that it makes a lot more sense if you imagine someone reading it aloud it like the funny jazzy William Shatner poetry that Mike Meyers' character does at the beginning of So I Married an Axe Murderer, where people talk in funny rhythm an then drop weird emphasis on words that aren't at reasonable parts of the sentence or even reasonable parts of the word, for the sake of punchiness and effect.

I suppose it's weird because Vietnamese is a tonal language and most words are monosyllabic, so this form of poem flows much better in its native language. It's suppose to sound like music. Maybe that's why it's not really popular in other parts of the world.

At behest of Mizal

Impressed I was to scrawl in here

An odd poem; how queer

That among many peers I should

Write a rhyme in short time

While being 'yond my prime.  God, why?

"Arkham Living Card Game--

I must purchase the same old core

to do well?  I abhor

Fantasy Flight.  Oh, more minis?

More cards?  More boxes--please!

I'll buy the Scarlet Keys, some dice,

your stupid core box (twice).

Feeding my family rice for meals--

It's pathetic for reals."

He sits alone and deals his cards.

Luc Bat, you say? I see!
A form that's new to me, indeed
Like a dance -- short lines lead
While long ones plant the seed anew
For a rhyme that rings true
Metaphors mix and stew -- delish!

That's MUCH harder than haiku, but fun! Thanks for sharing!