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So, for the story I'm working on, I'm writing a lovely, wholesome song about a woman and her pet donkey. It is a beautiful donkey, and everybody who meets the young lady always comments on what a lovely ass she has.

I have a few ideas for some of the verses. For example, one man might decide to take the donkey for a ride, but the donkey goes out of control and he ends up riding her ass all night. Perhaps two of the characters are shovelling hay for the donkey's dinner, but they fall over and end up rolling in the hay. Maybe Jack takes the donkey for a ride, but his foot gets stuck in one of the stirrups and the lady has to help Jack off the donkey... You get the idea.

So I've been searching for some innuendos and euphemisms for the song, but I can't seem to find anything useful. I either get suggestions like "making love" or "doing the nasty" which can't really translate to anything more innocent, or they're really weird expressions I've never heard before, like "Sweeping the chimney" or "Whitewashing the picket fence" where I'd be worried no one would even know that they were innuendos. So... They need to be obvious innudendos, ones that everyone will have heard of, but also ones that could mean something completely innocent. For example, if someone has a very cute pet cat, there's nothing wrong with giving her pussy a little stroke.

Any suggestions welcome, don't worry about suggesting something too obvious because I might not have thought of it yet. Really, the more obvious the better. ^_^

Knocking boots

Hiding the bishop

Jamming the clam

Tossing the salad

 

All good, all good. ^_^

I just remembered a very clever ass related joke that I was going to share...then I remembered that I was going to put said joke in my own story...

Case in point...it would be very weird if both of our stories had the same joke in it! (So I guess you'll have to wait and see what it is...assuming I get this thing done and it doesn't explode in my face somehow...I probably will finish it...but the lingering thought of failure never fully allures me)

So my half assed suggestion (ha) would be to just have a whole paragraph with nothing but ass in it. Or just a sentence that's just "ass". The point is...you can get more creative with your innuendos by getting creative with sentence and paragraph structure. It'll make your joke stand out more.

As for the "innuendos you never heard before" I think the intention of your innuendo matters just as much as the joke itself. In both of those cases you can get an impression of what those sayings mean even if you never heard of them before. Though I can see why they might be too out there for what your going for...

... I appreciate the suggestion but I doubt that typing the word "ass" fifty times in a row is going to draw a smile from anyone over the age of ten.

Maybe if it was the word "nigger"...

Unfortunately, I'm not sure my reader base will be sophisticated enough to appreciate the refined subtleties of 4chan humour.

I didn't know Quentin Tarantino wrote novellas

I feel like for best results you'd have to dig into your own UK's adult comic Viz (Do they even still make it?) and look up the character Finbarr Saunders and his Double Entenders.

Okay, now this confuses me... What exactly is the completely wholesome and innocent meaning behind, "Pulling my pud over my wife's jugs?"

Well the easy one is that the jugs are actual jugs rather than his wife’s tits.

The pud thing is a bit more difficult to justify. It’s a shortened version of “pudding” but it seems strange he would be doing to his dessert near some jugs in the garden.

Pud apparently also means “Little fat man” and there’s some version of it that means “hand” which might make more sense. Though that version specifically means “child’s hand” (or FIST) which makes all of this potentially even less wholesome.

Finally there’s a version that means “weight” which would potentially be the most “innocent” out of all of the versions I suppose.

Of course maybe he’s using the word as a stand in for an abbreviation, like “Pick up and deliver” but I have no fucking idea how that would make sense.

Anyway it’s a hard one alright. (Fnarr Fnarr!)