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The Ocean

4 days ago
Water swirls around
Washing away the sand

Water swirls around
Washing away the filth

Water swirls around
Carrying creatures far away

Water swirls around
Breaks through rock

Water swirls around
Tearing trees out by their roots

Water swirls around
Bringing sand to new beaches
Bringing sand to the bottom

Water swirls around
Spreading filth among it's large body
Feeding some despicable creatures

Water swirls around
Creatures finding solace in a new home
Other rejecting it

Water swirls around
Sometimes building new rock
Oftentimes returning that rock to sand

Water swirls around
Carrying seeds for new trees
Other seeds grow on the ocean floor

Water swirls around
Water never stops
Water holds everything

The Ocean

4 days ago
An interesting work. I like the five stanza repeat, it's an good device. The imagery is effective and evocative, at least partially due to the repeating lead line.

On the other side, it is a very simple free verse. The words, much like the subject, seem to just swirl and stir without much emotional movement. there isn't anything to pull the reader in like a tide, it's all just stagnant pools of thought.

The Ocean

4 days ago
I played bloodborne and tried to make it sound Lovecraftian, with the sand being like thoughts and the Ocean representing several dream states and the cycles and all that. The great ones, basically. Very loosely based, and I was kinda looking for something that sounded profound instead of actually bring profound.