I'm a new user, and I had an idea for a new story game. It's about a boy with no friends. He moves to a new state and tries to make a friend there. I thought it was the perfect idea, but then I'm like, "maybe I need the people's opinion first." So what do you guys think? Oh, and please don't take my idea.
Here is my description
~You take the role of Nathan Wood, a ten-year-old boy with no friends. You and your family are moving from the fictional town of Saltbrooke in Wisconsin to the fictional town of Coldale in Missouri. Your goal is to make a friend in Coldale before you start at your new school. Good luck and have fun.
Let me know if there's any problem. :D~
Question, why are they moving? Did one of the parents find a better job in Coldale? Are they moving there just so Nathan can make a friend? Better education? Less crime in the neighborhood?
Overall this plot seems very basic and has likely been used before. I'd add more detail to the description to have it stand out more so you can get more constructive feedback. This description is very vague.
I'll stop you there, because even though you're trying to help, I give literally zero fucks why they moved. I could not give less of a shit. It's a story about a ten year old, from their perspective the actual reason for moving doesn't matter in the slightest. It could not be a more irrelevant detail.
But yeah, the idea's vague.
You should have a branch where he comes home from school, shoots his dad and then runs away to join the Texas rangers.
Either that or he finds a magic whistle.
As Minnie's said, there's nothing wrong with what you have there, but there's no enough to criticize. Without a section of writing to criticize or enough details about the plot, not much can be said. I would question what the inherent purpose of the storygame is. How long are you planning? Is it going to be a heartwarming piece about friendship, or a funny little tale or what? What ideally would you like it to be?
To criticize what little's there, I doubt you need to have fictional in there, or even mention the place you're moving from seeing as it doesn't particularly matter to the story.
I was going for a heartwarming story. But I guess whether it's heartwarming or not depends on what option you choose.
Alright, not to hard, that's what I'd expect given what you've said. Any idea how long you'd like?
Probably A well spent lunch break.
Not too bad then, that's probably the area you'd want it to be. Much longer and it'd get boring. any less and it's barely a story.
For a first story just to show your writing ability and to have something to do, it seems fine and manageable. It wouldn't personally be my thing as I need a bit of swearing and brutality to enjoy a story, but as a small project it'll do well.
While I'm talking to you, I'd recommend you get a profile picture to distinguish you from everyone else.
Thank you for your help!