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First time writing a gamebook, how is this for an intro?

It is a golden age. Sun City, the one remaining jewel of the once-mighty Sun Empire, is more powerful and prosperous than ever. Ruled over by Regent Dorian, the city has for over a hundred years been dedicated to a powerful and mysterious god known as the Light-Bearer. Such an arrangement seems to have served the city well- in return for loyalty, devotion, and many sacrifices, it is protected from any force, whether mundane or supernatural, that would seek to tear its great civilisation down.
But beneath the surface, all is not as it seems. Despite all his might, the Light-Bearer may not be completely invincible. He is rumoured to have one weakness, and that weakness is the Martyr’s Blade- an ancient holy sword with the power to slay nearly every kind of occult entity. Although it has never been tested, many of the finest Imperial scholars are convinced that, if wielded against their patron god, it would result in unimaginable destruction, and even the end of the Empire itself. And that is where you come in…
For currently, this Blade is not safe in Imperial hands, but rather, in the possession of a dark, twisted cult known as the Nihilant. For many years, the sword has been with them, in their underground lair, but for some reason you have not been told, the authorities have decided that it is high time it is brought to the Regent’s keep for protection. As a swordsman skilled enough to be useful, but low-ranking enough to be expendable, you have been tasked with venturing into the depths to retrieve it. It will require skill indeed- to reach the hellish caverns of the Nihilant, you must first trawl through the city’s labyrinthine underworld, teeming with all kinds of unsavoury folks. From street thugs to heretics, from feral low-elves to foreign militias, there is many a threat down in the shadows for you to fall foul of. And yet, with nothing but your sword, a set of leather armour, and your courage, you must triumph. Anything less would be a betrayal of your Empire.

In the absence of a story and characters, this is eyeball-repelling.  Nobody cares about the deep back story in the absence of the narrative, even with Proper Names that are Capitalized.  It's a sad but important truth of writing.  Give us a reason to care; that caring is not a given.

Also, I recommend paragraphing--use white space so that your readers are not faced with a big block of text.

Ah good, Gower is here. Just the man to explain romance to all these kids that keep asking, too.

What should I do? Drop it completely?

No, just make it so we care about all that backstory. Or you could do what end does and make it into a separate link that explains some of the stuff. And if you haven't, go ahead and read Eternal

Read Eternal. I'd make it into a separate link, and start it with a more stripped back 'you have a quest. Go find a sword' kinda thing? Or would that be wrong, I don't know anything?

Unless you plan on making it more game than story, start off with part of the story. introduce us to our characters and setting. But show us, don't tell us.

(And also you read the entirety of Eternal in less than an hour?)

It was meant to be more of a game than a story, I thought that was what gamebooks were?

Well there's two types of stories in this site, the more 'game' ones which have stat sheets and variables and all that complicated stuff. And then there's the stories, where you just make the decisions your character makes, like Eternal. Eternal is a more story-like game, and something like Dungeon Stompage is more like a game. I wasn't sure what you were going for.

This was meant to be more like a 'Fighting Fantasy' style thing, with a stat sheet. The intro was just as a scene setter, so if you have to fight a demon you're not like 'wait, demons are a thing??'

There's nothing wrong with the setting or idea, but this feels less like a first page in a story and more like the blurb on a book jacket. It would be fine as the description of your story, but I think if you compare it to most books you'll see they start off a little more in the moment with viewing things through a character's eyes. Getting inside someone else's head and sympathizing with their struggles that way is what makes people care about a story.

Pro Tip (nothing against Gower, he gives excellent advice; also I didn't read what you wrote): Anything you write someone will love and someone will hate. Yes, seek advice. Yes, seek feedback. But don't let just one person's feedback shape everything you do and everything you write. Write one thing, get feedback. Write something else, get other feedback. Repeat.

Ok, I'll try writing something else that is slightly less of a load of hot garbage :)

any better? (probably not lol but oh well)

The tunnel leads gently downwards, with the sound of dripping water echoing eerily off of the walls. Cobwebs hang from the ceiling, shadows dance from the flame of your flickering lantern, and the dank, musty air is almost enough to make you gag. As your eyes adjust to the gloom, you can make out that the walls are pockmarked with recesses, each one presumably containing the body of a long-dead heretic. At the end of the entrance tunnel, there is a doorway to a chamber.
To enter the chamber- CROSSROADS1
To inspect the recesses, if you have not done so already- RECESS

Yes

I'd read the full story linked to this. It feels like there is potential for branching where you'd betray your former masters. This sounds like my kind of reading :D

Also, yes to spacing paragraphs please.

OK, thank you so much. That is the plan of it, you can play it as a 'loyal hero' or a 'traitorous wretch' if you want. You get Honour points along the way for taking certain choices, and they affect the ending

As for the paragraphs, that shouldn't be too hard a fix