A Night in Heck

The old 'spend the night in a haunted house' plot is such a well worn cliche it takes a lot of skill to make it interesting. The writing in this one was pretty decent overall, but there were a few typos, and more could've been done in the beginning to catch the reader's attention or make them care about these kids in the first place.

There were a couple of genuinely creepy moments, but the haunted house itself (or maybe it's just the paths I took) didn't quite live up to its reputation. Both times the kids encountered something with the potential to be dangerous they simply ran away and the game ended with them safely outside. Also, I gathered the house was actually being lived in and we stole someone's priceless baseball card, but there was no follow up to that other that 'woo, we're rich now!'

There was a nice use of pictures throughout, though some seemed out of place. I would've stuck with one style, such as the real photos.

All the items had logical uses, though I'm not sure what the pebbles were supposed to do...they were usable, but didn't exactly help much in the basement. (Though admittedly it was kind of a subversion of expectations when they at first SEEMED to, and it led to one of the creepier moments...)

Overall I enjoyed this, and I hope you keep writing.

tf was the ending

I decided to make to smart decision and say no to going into the haunted house I believe I won this one.👏

It's certainly a good story, just not my style. The story moved way too fast for my taste. I like stories that slowly build up the action. But again, good stories overall.

Call me CinemaSins, but I saw some things wrong with this story. The whole time, I was waiting for Ronnie to pull out the lighter he got. He never even used the darn thing! It just sat in his backpack, doing nothing. Just about any person shut in a dark, creepy mansion at night who brought a lighter would use it. Even if he didn't find a candle to light, he could've just used the lighter as a temporary candle until he found one.

Again, amazing story. Just not my style.

it was kind of bland, not really any horror from any endings i got. I still enjoyed it..

I would be freaked out if I was in the mansion. I'm just glad I survived

You got a meh on the nomnom scale! I liked how you needed to use the items, but why was the house brand new? I felt like you were just breaking in someone's house during their vacation. What were those rocks for? Is it just me or does Jonas seem strange possibly evil? Anyways good job!

A 4 only bc it was too short.

fun but wasn’t very difficult

wait whyd Jonas give me rocks tho? what did he know??????