A World War

I like the start of this story but the problem is it sounds a bit... anecdotal. Writing Historical Fiction is tricky because to be done well these shocking historical events have to form the backdrop for the reader's character to deal with his own social, personal, religious issues and for the other things to happen to him. History can be part of the plot but there must be other things motivating the main character (patriotism is ok but it's not the most exciting of all possible motives).

To give an example take the film Titanic. The ship sinks and lots of people die but that's not the main story, the main story is Jack and Rose and Billy Zane trying to kill them, the Titanic is their world but the drama is first their love and then their trying to survive. Or take the Sharpe series, that's well historically researched but the main character Sharpe always has a particular plot in each book (usually hunt down an enemy or sometimes carry out a special mission that brings him into contact with dangerous foes, unexpected allies, beautiful women etc). To breathe life into your story think what your main character can be doing in his career (maybe he finds out he has a brother who has gone missing in action on such and such island?)

It's a little rich of me to give this advice btw cause my historical stories are basically simulations of actual events but I guess they only really appeal to people already interested in that history while historical fiction appeals to anyone interested in thrillers, romances, mysteries etc... I really need to widen my writing range at some point.

Anyway, this is a good start and it'll be interesting to see where you go with this.

It's kinda confusing once it gets to the bar scene... so the game is supposed to end no matter what I drink or drink or not??

absolutely terrible

It was honestly quite delightful I believe though for the marine side of the story that you please put in more for it like how he got in and how he did training

It had some historical inaccuracies. It was a good start to a potential story, but I felt that it wasn't much of a war story. No action, no mentions of the war other than the mention of "japs" and one scene that ended the story. It's a good start, but the title is misleading. More research is needed.

Doesn't go anywhere



At all.

There's just not much to it. It's not very well written, honestly, and I doubt you did much research on the time period.

TOO SHORT
IT ALL FELT LIKE A TUTORIAL/INTRO!

Alright, I want to say this now, about not publishing demos, I had this un-published for a long time, so I could just work on it, and there were a few people who didn't like the fact I did that, which is why I re-published it, so people could freely go back to it.

Why i dont understand