Dragon Tale

Out of curiosity due to the rantings of one of my fellow CYStians about the fantasy section being full of terrible Dragon stories I obviously had to check it out. Oh man, did it not disappoint.

The grammar in this story is butchered so bad it's enough to make a middle school English teacher cry. Let me just paste this example from the story:
'You have ice powers!? How...? Noticing these powers you feel calm and breath... Then you release all of you rage. Ice spikes come out of your hand and are released to the dragon sending him back to the wall... Blood everywhere in the wall. Dragon is dead... "How... Just how can I do this..."'

Wow, storytelling at its finest. The description and grammar here are so screwed up I laughed for a good two minutes. Don't know why the author made me choose a gender since the story was so short it made no difference. Also, some weird highlights of the text came up when I chose the girl option for some reason.

So the story pretty much ends the same no matter what path you go. You fight a dragon, get ice powers, and the story ends. Unless for some reason you're so incompetent that you can't catch a deer then your family starves to death.

This is not a good story. The grammar needs major fixing and the plot needs something better than, I kill the dragon with deus ex machina ice powers, and the stereotypical dragons and humans lived together in harmony until they didn't.

As always with comments there are spoilers in here. Consider yourself warned.

This is one of the few times, I read a story here, where even I could find grammar issues. Which is surprising since I am not that great at it myself. On some pages you just used words that did not seem fitting at all. That really disrupted the flow of this story.

The pages themselves were very short. The text was mainly in one big wall of words with to few paragraphs to give it structure. Especially when changing scenes from outside of the village to inside your neighbors house, or when the dialogues, which were quite few to begin with, switched from one person to the next.

This actually leads to my next statement. The amount of interaction between characters was very poor. You never got the feeling of you talking to another person in this. It almost made me feel like I am not really important to the story until I discovered I had those magic powers.
The characters themselves were very flat and shallow. None of them showed much of a personality. In fact we don't even know how most of them look like.

The backstory for the game seemed very interesting. The concept of the tyranny the dragons rule with and the men rebelling against it with magic seems to be highly inspired by Skyrim. Like that game showed us there is a lot of potential in that. The fact you just showed us the beginning is really sad. Also it did not seem like the return of the dragons was happens on a major scale.

The ending of the whole story felt very rushed. No matter how you did approach the fight with the dragon it always lead to your powers showing. You could have at least used different elements in the power display instead of just ice.

There also was only one ending that would lead to a new chapter. Just starving to death alongside your family does not seem to be a real alternate ending to the story. Same goes for the few times you can actually die to the dragon.

2/8 from me for the poor grammar, the unfinished narrative of the plot and the fact that you did not bother to make the story detailed enough to be captivating.

This story has a massive amount of potential. It was really well-written save for a few subtle technical errors, and I was really into the story since the very first page.

The part where it asks for a character gender could've been more subtle and realistic—who forgets there gender like that?

I was disappointed when the storygame ended with the dragon charging at me, and either selection (of dodging or holding on) ended the storygame so early.

The story could've been a lot longer for its backstory, and otherwise, nicely done.

5/8 - Had a few spelling errors, and it could have been A LOT BETTER if there was more.

Actually too funny.

i need more.

CONTINUE ON NO FUN

This was a good game for someone who was bored, definitely interesting. I didn't play it all because I got killed by the dragon who stole my deer close to the beggining. I had hoped that I would BE the dragon, but it was a good game all the same. Judging from what i played.

love it

make a longer story it was great