Dragon Ages

The premise was cute, but regardless of which choices you make, the game just seems to end before it even begins. I hatch from an egg, leave the nest on the same day, make a new nest in a forest and... Grow fat and happy and die of old age, apparently. So all of the choices that dictated my whole life were made in a single day?

I think it could've been a lot better. Like I said, beginning the game as a newly hatched baby dragon has potential for a really cute story. You even have the opportunity to help one of your siblings hatch at the beginning of the game. Seeing a new born baby dragon playing and bonding with it's siblings could've been adorable! But instead, the sibling dragon just flies away as soon as it hatches, and you don't get to communicate with it at all.

It just seems like a waste really. You wrote a story about a new born baby dragon, and yet somehow, it still has no charm, no whimsy, no personality, and worst of all... No cuteness! It's a fucking baby animal, god damn it! I demand my baby animals to be cute! >.<

I didn't like it.

First of all, it was incredibly short and I noticed about one sentence per page halfway through, which leads me to believe you felt the need to rush it and publish it as soon as possible. Spend more time on your storygames, please.

There was really no branching, I saw that each page had about three links on them, but guess what? Only one of them would progress me in the game. Every path led to death one or two clicks in, or it would take me back a page. It's annoying, because this is Choose Your Story, not Try To Randomly Determine Which Link Won't Kill You.

It was badly fleshed out, I noticed almost no detail and the situations seemed quite illogical.

You need to put more effort into your storygames, because you want to make something you can be proud of. Reading this, I don't think you should be proud of it. This storygame can be fixed if you add more detail, an actual plot, a better setting, a longer storygame in general, etc.

2/8, try harder.

I like the fact that you have a unique story. I can't say I've seen sometone else with the main character being a baby dragon, newly hatched. But why does his life have to end at death- whatever happened to old age rather than murder to accident? I mean, I didn't see one of those endings, but I didn't go looking for them all.
Also, I notice that this rather lacks some realism. These newborn dragons don't really act like bumbling children- especially if they're already large enough to fly and eat people. And one more thing, I got the impression that in one of the endings, the dragon is shot by a gun. In the time of dragons, there are no firearms. It lacks historical integrity (if you can call medeival fantasy history). Once again, you had a really good idea to start with but no where to take it.

It’s so sort 5 pages! And the ending not gonna talk about that. The pages are even short. Do not recommend!!!

General Recommendation: I don't recommend this. The game takes the concept of being a baby dragon and does pretty much nothing with it.
Preview: How will your actions as a baby dragon affect the course of your life?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
The basic problem here seems to be that the author didn’t care about the idea enough to make a playable game out of it. We have a concept; life as a young dragon, and a couple interesting ideas, such as interaction with a sibling dragon, and deciding where to make your dragon lair. These concepts are then handled in the shortest and least interesting way possible, with brief one-sentence descriptions that have pretty much zero impact on the course of the game.
The writing itself is incredibly short and undescriptive. Description tends not to matter much to me, but even I have my limits. For example, here’s an entire page: “You fly out of the valley through the pass. You come out into a desert. You can see a small outcrop of rocks to your left and a forest in the distance.” Okay, very short and uninteresting page, but beyond that, I’m missing vital information that I need to make my decision. What kind of desert? Rocky aridic desert, sand dunes, salt flats, what? What kind of forest, and how far away is it? Deciduous trees or pines? Is the “rocky outcrop” house-sized or a small mountain? There should be multiple paragraphs of information describing these locations and the potential costs and benefits of each one if it’s going to be the basis of a major decision for the player.
This game is also incredibly linear. There’s one “good” ending that you’re shuffled towards, and several death endings along the way. The “good” ending feels incredibly abrupt, one moment you’re settling into a potential lair as a hatchling, the next thing, this one decision has caused your entire life to be a success.
I’m left wondering what the author was trying to do here. It doesn’t seem like this game had a purpose it was even trying to fulfill.

Grammar
All good.
Mastery of Language
None, descriptions are underwritten and presented uninspiringly.

Mechanics & Coding
You can get into an infinite loop of eating the same fat villager.

Branching
None, this game is very linear.

Player Options/fair choice
Not good. Many of the death endings could just heave easily led to victory haad the author arbitrarily decided that this was the “true” path. Decision making is essentially random.

WRITING ADVICE:
I’m struggling to come up with writing advice more specific than “everything”. It’s clear that this idea didn’t mean enough to you to you to build a complete game out of it, so I guess the most basic advice would be to find an idea that actually means something to you and write that; not whatever idea you hope will appeal to an audience.

CONCLUSION: 1/8, and I’m surprised this game is as well-rated as it is. A recent game with a similar concept was unpublished for low ratings, and even that game had much more effort put into it than this one. I suppose site standards have increased a lot since 2011.

The idea was good, but the execution....

This could have been a lot better had it been longer. It also needs more detail and story. You kind of just blow past everything.

This felt like the Cupid shuffle only if you mess up you die. When your options are as in depth as to the right and to the left I can’t retain interest in your game I’m sorry.

Also the fact that it took me 5 minutes to finish is indicative that the author had an idea but didn’t execute it in a meaningful or interesting way. Even the death pages were boring. Oh no I got eaten by goblins. I’m a dragon! Even if I’m a baby one I could still French fry those little freaks!

I want to play as a fire breathing all conquering dragon not some wimpy baby dragon that dies after one wrong click. I don’t know what your goal was but cute baby dragon doesn’t mean good rating. You need depth to a story concept. I liked the premise but there’s to be more interesting plot threads with length and description not just you hatch and you are dead.

Dragons are a common fantasy trope but there are ways to make them interesting and unique if done right. This was not nearly long enough nor descriptive enough to get the narrative where it needs to be.

I mean, Yeah it’s decent but really, just really, It ENDED IN FIVE PAGES.
Personally I have no problem with this game, but it’s length annoys me so much, I’m making a dragon game and it’s supposed to be brief, but its longer than this somehow!

Very good! love it but I would like if you could get a mate and eggs.

A short little roundup that leaves me craving cheesecake.