Escape The Torture Mansion

While the grammar and general concept were fine, I have to agree with Clamurai in regard to the characters. There are a lot of them and they are hardly introduced (or not introduced at all, as was the case with Tanaka's name popping out of the blue in one path), and for someone like me who has not seen the animes it might be difficult to find these quickly vanishing figures interesting. They all have their quirks, they just need more time to develop as characters in the story.

And yeah, some of the deaths were too random. For example, if you meet that guy with red hair you die no matter what option you try to choose, despite him not being a powerful being or anything that you couldn't have stopped (or fled from).

And the censored "Damn you" on the first page was funny, considering that you then go ahead describing murder and such.

As I said, your grammar and style are fine, so focus on your next project and keep in mind that not everyone reading has watched or read the same things you have.

I don't know anything about whatever the original fiction is. Even so, the content was colorful and interesting. I liked the rapid pacing of the game and the variety of different characters involved. Every step of the way, you would find yourself in a different scenario. You also did a good job with having different paths through the game.

Here's what I would have liked to see different. The characters had a lot of flair, but most were only briefly in the story. If you had put a little more into each page, you could have taken advantage of the over-the-top characters, especially later on. I would have liked to see a little bit of setup for the story, even if it was just more reaction from the protagonist to their predicament.

Another thing was that there were a lot of random death choices throughout the game. I like a little more rhyme or reason to the outcomes of my choices. The brevity of the deaths themselves was something I thought could have been different. It just felt like a factory line of wrong choices instead of adding to the experience. An epilogue would have been nice.

The technical side wasn't too bad, some inconsistencies with writing, exclamation points felt overused to the point of losing their impact. Nothing was broken, though.

Overall, it wasn't bad. It just felt like a bit of a cheap thrill.

It was so fun

Does not follow EndMaster's guide for a good Pokemon game

It was over and I escaped in the blink of an eye???!!!!
I think I'll go back and explore

I got punished! :(

this pumpkin will be my greatest Kaiju Rival yet... TROIS, HONEY, YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!!! GODZILLA, ATOMIC ANIALIATIOOOON!!

??

As far as lolrandom stories go this one was fairly amusing. I like the concept of escaping a torture murder style mansion with a series of random encounters. The anime characters random introductions like All Might and Deku and Bakugo and Kirishima was a little too random for me because why are they in a torture mansion? Other than that the grammar was fine and the story concept was simple, but it looks like you had fun with it.

very odd