Fireteam

It was a little short in my opinion. I played through two paths, but none of them really set the scene or dramatic tension. There was the issue of linearity, where wrong choices almost certainly seemed to result in instant death. You had three different branching paths at the start, which is definitely promising. What might be beneficial is to have situations where making a poor choice causes punishments besides instant death, such as losing the element of surprise later in the game, or losing specific abilities due to having to abandon equipment. If some of these are present in another branch, I didn't get around to it. Ultimately, aside from wanting to win there was no real reason to care about any of the protagonists. I'd like to have seen more personality and exposition before we got into the mission so when I lost a squad mate, it felt like I was losing a comrade and not an inventory item.

That all being said, it was well written overall. I would have liked more detail, but multiple pathways did add replay value and the two paths I played had a very distinctly different flavor. I look forward to your next submission.

Not bad, but there could have been some improvements to this game. I liked the pictures and the writing of this story. It seems like you know a lot about how the military works... or just played a lot of SOCOM, both I respect mind you. The main problem this game had was the linearity; one bad move and you are dead, but I guess that's how it is like in real life. Still, I think there should be different strategies you could have used to rescue the captives, for example infiltrating the prison stealthily or guns blazing. As it stands, the game was a fun way to waste ten minutes.

the story is etertaining and the choices are fun (A little predictable bt still good) The only problem I see here is the grammar and there ae a few un-linked pages were I think should be endings. Not bad

4/8

I got the impression the author REALLY LIKES his army toys, it was just an entire weapon circlejerk. Also where are the links :(

this story is illegal by ssite standards theres a no link page

I'm not sure if you're aware, but it is possible to have more than one paragraph on a page. It doesn't have to be one giant chunk of text.

For what it's worth, I liked it, and I would have liked it more if you hadn't had missing links on some of your endings. It could be much longer, too. This was too short for me to feel much from it.

It was a fun story game, my only problem being that it was too linear. Other than that, the writing was fine and the plot moved along swiftly.

Commander Tarbo to the rescue!!!

Short and sweet, I like the war storygames a lot. I wish there were more choices and more character and scene development, but I guess there was less space to squeeze that in for you.

It was OK. If it was a first storygame for this guy.